loveratud Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 For reference, these are my earlier threads: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110219/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t115096/ Anyway last month my ex moved into my apartment building (a building of 8 apartments, in a complex with 60 buildings and ~3000 units.) Shortly beforehand, she sent me an email asking for copies of all our pictures together "because we had fun, and those are times I wouldn't mind reliving." I responded and told her she could pick up a copy next month sometime. I didn't explain, but I was busy with school and stuff. After she moved in, the text messages start. "Who drives the red Acura?" "Who's purple BMW is that?" "Are you going to (her place of work) with your friends tonight?" I never responded to any of these. I'd see her getting in or out of her car, but never acknowledged her or anything. Then I got a text saying "You shouldn't drive so fast." For the first time, I felt like responding with "You shouldn't tell me what to do." But I didn't. Anyway skip forward to last night, she texts me saying "Can I get those pictures sometime next week?" I don't reply. Here comes, "I know you're home, do you never want to speak to me again?" I wait 20 minutes before responding, "I've got nothing to say to you." She comes back with "I miss singing (our song) with you." I don't respond. She comes back with "Sorry I'm pretty intoxicated." I don't respond. She comes back with "So how's life?" I reply, "Super. I'll let you know when you can pick up those pictures next week. Goodnight." And succesffully ended the texting. It struck me on my way back from the theater (play) just how vindicating it was that she was thinking about me when I wasn't thinking about her. That's almost like winning. She hadn't run across my mind in weeks. So I guess let me list of some sage advice, now that I'm in the "been there done that" category: No contact really shouldn't be used to get someone back. I never thought that it would, I just thought that it would keep her from hurting me anymore. And it did. But eventually I grew to truly not want any contact with her. Honestly, there's nothing she could say. Contact from her is just annoying. Coming to this website will draw out your agony. Come here at first, get some advice, but don't hang around reading about other people getting their hearts smashed. You'll just relive your own problems again and again. You're not gonna die. It seems like the worst thing in the world, but looking back on it now, it seems absolutely ridiculous that I was so torn up about it. Box up everything that reminds of you them. You don't need to see that. Don't check their facebook, or myspace or whatever. Start dating again ASAP!! This is super important. It makes you feel important and worth something again. In the 6 months since my breakup, I've dated almost 20 girls. Don't talk about your ex! Especially not to new prospects!! That's the kiss of death. Also, your friends get sick of hearing you whine about your ex all the time. That's about all the advice I have, I think. For me, I just pretended like she didn't exist. It took me a LONG time to be "over it." Like 4 months. I think the thing that helped me the most was dating again. I got kinda hooked on making girls fall for me and then breaking up with them. It made me feel in control of my life again, as opposed to getting dumped. I suppose that may not be a healthy approach, spreading the pain around, but it really worked for me. After having gone through my heart breaking phase, I actually have found someone new that I want to stay with. She's the total opposite of me, and so hard to get, and hard to understand, but I dig her. She told me I could ruin her life. I told her she could break my heart. We laughed. It all seems like a joke looking back on it now. That first time getting your heart broken is just brutal. But it'll be ok. Just get back out there and give as good as you get.
CaliGuy Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Some of the advice is sage. The advice about dating others should be taken cautiously. Don't date until you are ready but DO go out with friends and have a good time. Dating others and breaking up with them to make yourself feel better makes you worse than your ex, BTW. That's not something to be proud of.
Author loveratud Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 Some of the advice is sage. The advice about dating others should be taken cautiously. Don't date until you are ready but DO go out with friends and have a good time. Dating others and breaking up with them to make yourself feel better makes you worse than your ex, BTW. That's not something to be proud of. I felt like I was ready, so I stopped, then realized that I needed to cowboy up and get over it. So I say start dating as soon as you can, nevermind if you feel "ready." Who cares if I'm worse than my ex? My advice was about feeling better about myself. I'm the most important person in the world to me. Where I got all messed up was when I started thinking otherwise (putting her ahead of myself.) Besides, I needed to rack up some points on my side of the scoreboard vs. women. Her taking a shot at me with, "I miss singing our favorite song together" just solidified my belief that women are evil. And I wasn't purposely breaking hearts or anything. I just got bored with girls really really fast. There was a good 2 months there where I was dating 6 girls at once. The feeling of being in control after I stopped seeing them was really more of a side effect. If you want to hate me, that's cool. But I'm happy.
Author loveratud Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 I have to continue my rant a bit. After checking out the Second Chances board, and seeing all the "How can I win her back?!" posts, I can't help but laugh. That was totally me back then. When in reality I should have thought, good riddance. If someone leaves you, their decision is made. They think their life will be better off without you. **** 'em. The one constant on this board is, if you ignore someone long enough, they'll come sniffing around. But you'd be an idiot to have anything to do with them.
CaliGuy Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 I felt like I was ready, so I stopped, then realized that I needed to cowboy up and get over it. So I say start dating as soon as you can, nevermind if you feel "ready." Who cares if I'm worse than my ex? My advice was about feeling better about myself. I'm the most important person in the world to me. Where I got all messed up was when I started thinking otherwise (putting her ahead of myself.) Besides, I needed to rack up some points on my side of the scoreboard vs. women. Her taking a shot at me with, "I miss singing our favorite song together" just solidified my belief that women are evil. And I wasn't purposely breaking hearts or anything. I just got bored with girls really really fast. There was a good 2 months there where I was dating 6 girls at once. The feeling of being in control after I stopped seeing them was really more of a side effect. If you want to hate me, that's cool. But I'm happy. I don't hate anyone. I just think your conduct, much like many who've been hurt before, has gone to the opposite extreme. Whatever floats your boat. Going in that direction will not grant you happiness either. Cheers.
Author loveratud Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 I don't hate anyone. I just think your conduct, much like many who've been hurt before, has gone to the opposite extreme. Whatever floats your boat. Going in that direction will not grant you happiness either. Cheers. Well to be fair, I was never happy. Just less unhappy. Some people aren't meant to be happy. We're called republicans.
funkybassplayer Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 I do agree wih alot you said, but i dont think dating and dropping girls is no way the way to go. Its nice to get out there when you feel truly ready to start a new relationship with some1. Dropping girls to take back contro; seems harsh. You should take back control of your own life without causing hurt to a women first. Its like getting your own back for what has happened to you.
Author loveratud Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 I do agree wih alot you said, but i dont think dating and dropping girls is no way the way to go. Its nice to get out there when you feel truly ready to start a new relationship with some1. Dropping girls to take back contro; seems harsh. You should take back control of your own life without causing hurt to a women first. Its like getting your own back for what has happened to you. I was late learning this too, so it's ok: Women are pure evil. Mean things you do to them don't really count.
Chinook Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 I was late learning this too, so it's ok: Women are pure evil. Mean things you do to them don't really count. Oh man, this is too funny. How old are you..?
uniqueone Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 So does your new GF know this attitude of yours? I do understand the feeling of getting control back by doing the breaking up and that's ok when it happens by chance but not to do it intentionally. You tell people to get out there and date again. What if there is no one to date?
Author loveratud Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 Oh man, this is too funny. How old are you..? 22. I know, I can't believe it took me so long to figure it out either.
Tormented Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 I was late learning this too, so it's ok: Women are pure evil. Mean things you do to them don't really count. Know what, Lover? You're a very bitter man and if you're not careful, you'll end up burning yourself far greater than these "evil" women you seem hell-bent to "punish" for a crime THEY never committed. Seems to me you haven't dealt with the pain your ex dealt you in a way that will truly free yourself from the baggage you're obviously carrying. Do you honestly believe that hurting innocent women is going to bring you some sense of peace? C'mon, dude...you can't possibly be that self-deluded. To convince yourself that ALL women should pay the bill of ONE....well, that's just twisted. Stop playing games to make yourself feel "temporarily" better and do some REAL work on yourself. Otherwise...it will be YOU who pays in the end. ~T~
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