Broken_Record Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Ok, here is my situation and a lot of it is just venting. I appreciate anyone that takes the time to read and respond. I have read quite a few posts and there's a lot of good ideas being kicked around here. I am 26, she is 23. We met when I was a senior in college and she a freshman and stayed together for over 4 years with very few serious arguments. I was her first boyfriend. Things went very well and we ended up living together after just a few months. She followed me across the country, twice. Once when I moved to Colorado, and again when I moved to Maine for law school. She made a lot of good friends while I was in law school and she was finishing her undergrad degree. I didn't really know what to do after I graduated from law school. I was pretty happy in Maine and was really happy with her, but for some reason decided I wanted to move back to Colorado. I'm an avid skier, but obviously that isn't enough of a reason. I really to this day can't explain the motivation entirely. Anyway, being a lawyer involves a lot of paperwork and preparation, i.e. I had to commit to moving to Colorado or not commit. I committed. She sort of did. Several times she said she was moving with me, but I always sensed hesitation. Fast forward to this summer while I'm studying for the bar exam in Colorado. I am planning how to propose to her. She is back home in Maine going out a lot with her friends and we grew further and further apart each day. Eventually a friend called and told me he saw another man at our house overnight. So, I called and she lied to me about it. When I called her on it, she told me she was planning to end the relationship after I took the bar exam. Our major problems were inconsistent communication and me not being affectionate and attentive enough. We broke up just 3 days ago, and I guess I technically pulled the trigger, but she was planning to soon anyway. I guess one of the biggest parts of this is I was the only person she was ever with. Even though she doesn't say so, it has to be the biggest factor, wanting to see what else is out there. We did overall have a really great relationship and I don't want it to be over for good, but it seems like there is pretty much no hope of salvaging under these circumstances I guess. We haven't spoken since the break but I think she is already planning to move out of our apartment, which would mean she's going to sign a lease to stay another year in Maine. I am sort of stuck with Colorado now, although I would delay my career for her if we could work it out in Maine. I know I was selfish to try to move again without her full committment, but she just couldn't come to a decision. I guess maybe that was a sign too. The hardest part is dealing with her being with other people. She was so pure and perfect for me, and now the thought of her following the ugly path that so many young women do nowadays really sickens me. I want to maintain that image I have of her. I think I realize that if we were ever going to work out permanently, she would need this time to see what's out there. We met when she was so young and before she had really figured out who she was. She did a lot of figuring out with me, but I guess she can't get all the way there with me holding her back to an extent. I am distraught at the thought of never seeing or speaking to her again. I am terrified about going back to our apartment in a few weeks to get my stuff and finding her completely moved out already, gone. It hurts that it ended so abruptly, but I guess there was probably a lot that led up to it. It just seems like if I had met her later in life, we would have been a great match. But now I have to be her first, and it just seems the first never works out for anyone in the end. I guess I've answered my own question, which was basically whether there was hope for us in the future. I am guessing that someone that needs space like this probably needs it for quite some time. And by then, who knows what has happened for both sides. So sad.
funkybassplayer Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 You know in your heart the truth, and thats to let her go. She wants to spread her wings, and it really sucks for the other partner who wants to move forward with the relationship. Let her go, and you try to move on.
Author Broken_Record Posted July 24, 2007 Author Posted July 24, 2007 OK, so after 11 days of not getting a hold of her, she called my sister today, upset. She is having second thoughts. She thinks she might want me back, she wants to talk but can't find me because I've changed all my contact info. I am not in a position to deal with this right at the moment. I have to take the bar exam the next two days. So, I can't call her right now. But I think that I might after the exam. My thought is to say something along the lines of "If you want to try to work this out, then let's try...if not, then let's move on." I just don't know. Part of me thinks this will just do more harm than good. The reason I wasn't speaking to her was because I knew nothing I said would change her need for the time alone. I still feel that way, but she is reaching out to me and I don't want to just leave her hanging....thoughts?
supertouch Posted July 24, 2007 Posted July 24, 2007 seriously, if she is doubting being with you in the first place then i think it's best you just let her go. with your being her first boyfriend, your relationship was most likely a learning experience for her.
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