zoe1983 Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 well i posted a little while ago about how i havent really wanted to have sex much lately and due to the good advice from people on here I realized its probably cuz im so stressed out right now. I just moved jobs and had to train the new guy at the same time and he is learning really slowly so basically im doing both of our jobs right now. So thats causing me stress but whats really stressing me out is my boyfriend. We have a great relationship and really only fight about one thing, but we probably fight about that same thing atleast once a week. So the fight is about the amount of time we spend with friends. He sees atleast one of his friends every single day. Because i worke early and he works late he will wait till i go to bed and then hang out with his friends till like 4 in the morning. It bothers me a little but i trust him and know he is just hanging out on his buddies couch. The issue is that the few nights i dont have to go to bed early he still wants to go to his friends place with me. I don't want to go... just want to hang out with my bf i dont get to spend much time with. its like we are at two extremes...he always wants to be around his friends and i never do. I offer to compromise but he just gets mad and says i wont stick to it. He also says it wont always be this way, like when we get married it will calm down but i feel like he is just saying that....I know it doesnt help that i dont really like his friends but they are all questionable people and even he admits he wish he had better friends. Honestly i usually feel bad about myself when i hang out with them cuz they do bad stuff with their kids around and everything. anyways sorry if i rambled a bit but im soooo tired of having to share my bf 24/7 you know? He thinks i am being anti-social and jealous and clingy but come on..... I mean last night i stayed up till 1 in the morning when he gets home from work even though i had been up since 6 am. I dressed cute, put on makeup, and cleaned the apartment. After an hour of hanging out he calls his friend and tells me we are going over there....didnt i have a right to be upset???
whichwayisup Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 You two need to come to some sort of compromise. Certain nights it should just be the two of you, sometimes he hangs with his friends and then at times you go with him and all of you hang out together. know it doesnt help that i dont really like his friends but they are all questionable people and even he admits he wish he had better friends. Honestly i usually feel bad about myself when i hang out with them cuz they do bad stuff with their kids around and everything. Could you expand on this? Do you mean they do drugs? Or aren't honest and good people? If he feels this way about his buddies, then why does he spend so much time with shady people?
Author zoe1983 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 thanx for the reply! to answer your questions...he says he hangs out with them because they are better than nothing, were as it drives him nuts when i dont make an effort to be friends with people unless I really like them. And yes some of his friends smoke weed in front of their kids but mostly its just they way they take care of um. Smoking cigarettes in their face, leaving liquor around, cussing in front of them. Stuff like that. I know we are all young and im no angel but then thats why i dont have kids. Kids are a huge responsibility and you owe your children the best effort you can make and they dont. Plus this might sound rude but i feel like ill have plenty of time to hang out with people who have kids once i have kids but for right now i wish he had some kid free friends but he doesnt. and your completely right about the compromise thing but i dont know how to get him to try it....i dont think he realizes how much this issue effects our relationship.
whichwayisup Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 You make him understand. If you two have a chance of a future, you two have to learn to communicate and most of all, really 'hear' eachother, understand eachother... Can I ask how old you and your boyfriend are? It sounds to me that he just doesn't like to be alone. He isn't content with doing his own thing in the evenings and he HAS to be with people, even if they aren't the greatest type to hang out with. Honestly, that just sounds like he's not come into the person he's meant to be (yet) and hopefully as he matures, he'll realize what's more important is building the relationship to something worthy, which will lead into marriage in the future. Right now his priorities seem to be very "ME ME ME" orinated and not on what's best for both of you. It's great that you know now isnt' the time to have kids, and it's OK to feel blah about hanging out with others who have kids...So, take this opportunity to change things up. You two bond, get out of the house - Make plans to have a romantic weekend out of town. Spend time with your family's, and go out for walks together...maybe by changing the routine, he'll see things differently.
Author zoe1983 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 i think you are completly right about him not wanting to be alone. He even kind of admits it himself if i bug him about it. I am about to turn 24 and he is about to turn 23 so we are kinda young still and i do think he is still in the selfish immature stage. I see tons of glimpses of the man he is going to become but is it stupid for me to put up with stuff till he gets there? By the way...we usually communicate quite well but whenver something gets really serious and i try to communicate to him that the issue might break up our relationship he gets extremely defensive and just starts saying how i want to dump him and stuff so its hard....
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