Slippy72 Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 My ex left me about 5 months ago and since then I've been a bit of a wreck. I won't go too much into detail but I was driving myself crazy with the thought of her and other guys. I was really a mess. Barely eating and sleeping. Anyway, about a month ago I started a period of NC and I've been very strict on myself. This worked wonders, and for the past month I noticed a gradual improvement in how I felt culminating in last week when I was dare I say it, nearly back to normal. All the thoughts of her with other guys were gone and I felt fine. So guess who I get an email from saying that they miss me and think about me every day? At first this made me even more happy, it was proof my NC worked and made me feel a lot better about myself. The mistake I made though, was replying to the email. We then spoke for the rest of the night online. For some reason, and I don't know why, this has put me right back to how I felt a few months ago. Now I'm thinking 'I wonder if she still misses me' and 'I wonder if she's thinking about me now'. I want to get her out of my head so badly but I can't. One email halted all the progress I made. Anything similar happen to anyone else or anybody got any advice? edit; I kept that pretty short, but if you want to know any details about the relationship just ask.
jackmerridew Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 My ex left me about 5 months ago and since then I've been a bit of a wreck. I won't go too much into detail but I was driving myself crazy with the thought of her and other guys. I was really a mess. Barely eating and sleeping. Anyway, about a month ago I started a period of NC and I've been very strict on myself. This worked wonders, and for the past month I noticed a gradual improvement in how I felt culminating in last week when I was dare I say it, nearly back to normal. All the thoughts of her with other guys were gone and I felt fine. So guess who I get an email from saying that they miss me and think about me every day? At first this made me even more happy, it was proof my NC worked and made me feel a lot better about myself. The mistake I made though, was replying to the email. We then spoke for the rest of the night online. For some reason, and I don't know why, this has put me right back to how I felt a few months ago. Now I'm thinking 'I wonder if she still misses me' and 'I wonder if she's thinking about me now'. I want to get her out of my head so badly but I can't. One email halted all the progress I made. Anything similar happen to anyone else or anybody got any advice? edit; I kept that pretty short, but if you want to know any details about the relationship just ask. I'm with you bruddah. I posted a thread similar to this yesterday. Except my no contact was much shorter. I felt myself progressing a week after the breakup. I started thinking more for MYSELF and dwelling less on her. Then she calls me in the middle of the night out of nowhere and asks me if I still miss her, if I'm seeing anyone else, and begging me to see her soon. I thought, "Hey that's great. This no contact thing worked." Now I haven't heard from her in 3 days, and I wonder what's going on. THIS TOTALLY SUCKS. We're just being screwed with. I have to get myself to thinking again that she doesn't care about me anymore, so I shouldn't care about her. But it's hard when in our last conversation she was still calling me "baby." ARGH!!!! Just keep doing again what you did before the contact was made. I'm trying to shove it out of my head again, and I don't want to expect any more calls. We'll get there soon enough. It was your fault in responding to the email, and it was my fault for picking up the phone, knowing it was her calling.
JCD Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 My #1 girl used to work with me so I was on daily roller coaster ride. Totally screwed me over. She now works in a different dept. and we rarely see each other and I never talk to her. This helped me to heal but not completely. When I see her I'm screwed up for two days after. Girl #2 quit and we used to talk and I went NC with her. Then month later she called to see how I was doing, etc. and then nothing. But I don't feel for her as much as for girl #1 thus I don't feel as bad. If she calls, we'll talk like friends and then she has to call me because I won't call her. One thing that I'm good at is I can totally turn off myself. I have a strong will. The only negative about this is that the girls make me feel guilty when I do this and I feel like apologizing to them. Then I realize that I need to heal and that is more important to me then their friendship. Another temptation hard to avoid for me at first was talking to the #1 girl's relatives who also work at my place. I always wanted to find out how she was doing, etc. basically hoping she and I would get together. That was a mistake because it would send me back couple days and I would feel like crap again. Anyways, if you can go total NC and within couple of months you should heal.
Author Slippy72 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 I'm with you bruddah. I posted a thread similar to this yesterday. Except my no contact was much shorter. I felt myself progressing a week after the breakup. I started thinking more for MYSELF and dwelling less on her. Then she calls me in the middle of the night out of nowhere and asks me if I still miss her, if I'm seeing anyone else, and begging me to see her soon. I thought, "Hey that's great. This no contact thing worked." Now I haven't heard from her in 3 days, and I wonder what's going on. THIS TOTALLY SUCKS. We're just being screwed with. I have to get myself to thinking again that she doesn't care about me anymore, so I shouldn't care about her. But it's hard when in our last conversation she was still calling me "baby." ARGH!!!! Just keep doing again what you did before the contact was made. I'm trying to shove it out of my head again, and I don't want to expect any more calls. We'll get there soon enough. It was your fault in responding to the email, and it was my fault for picking up the phone, knowing it was her calling. Wow, that's so similar to my situation at the moment. Like you, at the time I thought it was fantastic, it put me back in the positive side and she was the one doing the begging (which would never of happened without NC). But yeah, now I'm wondering whether or not she still misses me and thinks about me and meant all the things she said when of course I shouldn't be thinking about her at all. The temptation is now there, to keep on looking at her profiles online etc. That temptation wasn't there a week ago and it's going to be hard to get rid of it again.
Author Slippy72 Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 (you'll need to read my first post to get this fully understand this one) Really wasn't thinking straight last night, logged on to AIM and started chatting to one of her friends. Eventually my ex's name arose in the conversation and the girl I was chatting to asked if I still liked her, and I said that I did, but only as a friend. Just to get things straight, I don't want to be with this girl anymore. Definitely not. But I know that what I said last night will eventually get back to her and will alter her perception of me in some way. I knew that whilst I was saying it (so I was effectively breaking NC). The thing I'm confused about, is that I don't want a relationship with her, yet I'm still hoping that she misses me. So much so that after saying 'just as a friend' last night I haven't been able to get it out of my head. Since I don't want a relationship of any form with her, I shouldn't care what she thinks right? Yet I do. And it's so annoying.
Author Slippy72 Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Sorry to keep moaning, but this is really starting to take it's toll on me.
madgun68 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Maybe you just want her to regret the decision she made in breaking up.
funkybassplayer Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 If you dont wanna get back with her, then walk away, and leave the head games. Friends wont work, and you both know it! (well not yet) Cos you still hav lots of emotions. Be strong.
BeyondThePale Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Ugh...unfortunately I responded to my ex's text yesterday and then called her! When I called her I ended up telliing her to f*ck off but then texted her saying I didn't mean to be harsh and not to contact me unless she wants to work things out with ME but otherwise she is dead to me. It makes me so mad that I gave in like that, she wants me to be her friend?! WTF?! It's only been 2 months and we dated for a little over 3 years living together 2 of them. Yeah, any advice on this would be most helpful.
funkybassplayer Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 **** off was a bit extrem, but i agree with you on the friends thing. My ex wanted friendship, and i like a mug agreed 9for her kids as she put it) She soon after found a new man (3 days!!) and told me where to go............**** you dont need. I never talk to her now, and feel used, but i have my self respect and he can have this selfish, issue head.
Author Slippy72 Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 If you dont wanna get back with her, then walk away, and leave the head games. Friends wont work, and you both know it! (well not yet) Cos you still hav lots of emotions. Be strong. I see what you mean, but it's so hard to avoid all the temptations of looking if she's online on AIM, I don't really have any distractions. Like you said though, I guess if I stay strong it might eventually die down. Any tips for how to refrain from checking up on her etc?
BeyondThePale Posted July 23, 2007 Posted July 23, 2007 That's a good question. I deleted her from my myspace friends so I couldn't look but I usually look and see her "mood" on there which is just retarded. Make a conscience effort to not talk about her b/c when you do, you're thinking about her. Tell your friends that might still be friends w/her that you don't want to know anything about her and you're just trying to move on. If you're friends ask about it, just tell them you can't talk about it right now and you're trying to not think about it for the time being. Just remember, even though you no longer have the "couple" identity, you now have your own, you can be whoever the hell you want and start thinking about the things you want to change in your life, even rearraging your home sort of helps b/c it gives you a project and it's new. Good luck to you, I hope you start to feel better soon.
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