Went on a First Date on Thursday and have a Question

[DateAnalyzer]

But if you quit, you're never going to get what you're after....right?

 

 

not quitting for good, just the rest of the year

[nylah]

because i could have been home in my apt doing something i enjoy, watching sports, reading, on the web, instead of sitting across from a girl who has no intentions on calling me back. And the message I will leave on her machine won;t be nasty, i just want to tell her I don;t appreciate my time being wasted

 

the part about doing something you enjoy... Are you saying that you really don't enjoy going on dates? making conversation with a woman?

 

I hope you're not saying that you are just trying to see if you can get a second date, and not really interested in the "woman" at all????

 

please tell me that's not what you're saying..... it kindda sounds like that's what you're saying.

[Chinook]

And the message I will leave on her machine won't be nasty, i just want to tell her I don't appreciate my time being wasted

Sorry, but she didn't waste your time imho. You are wasting your time. That's the whole point in a first date, to see whether you want to take it further. You did. She didn't. Get over it.

[DateAnalyzer]

the part about doing something you enjoy... Are you saying that you really don't enjoy going on dates? making conversation with a woman?

 

I hope you're not saying that you are just trying to see if you can get a second date, and not really interested in the "woman" at all????

 

please tell me that's not what you're saying..... it kindda sounds like that's what you're saying.

 

 

i think first dates are annoying because they are unpredictable. That's why I couple of weeks ago I cancelled a date I had on my birthday because my birthday is only once a year and I didn;t want to take the risk of having a bad birthday so i moved the date back a week. Nothing fun about a FIRST DATE, maybe a second date

[DateAnalyzer]

Sorry, but she didn't waste your time imho. You are wasting your time. That's the whole point in a first date, to see whether you want to take it further. You did. She didn't. Get over it.

 

 

Well you just don;t GET OVER a rejection. Yeah u must be happily married or something or have 23 girlfriends or boyfriends

[Chinook]

Of course you get over it.

 

No, I'm not happily married and I don't have 23 girlfriends OR boyfriends.

[nylah]

i think first dates are annoying because they are unpredictable. That's why I couple of weeks ago I cancelled a date I had on my birthday because my birthday is only once a year and I didn;t want to take the risk of having a bad birthday so i moved the date back a week. Nothing fun about a FIRST DATE, maybe a second date

 

I don't know.... I think its fun to meet new people. I don't think talking, or just kicking it with another person (guy or girl) is ever a waste of time.

 

maybe its me (it seems to be "me" alot lately), but I just don't see how you can hate the first date then expect there to be a second one. you've got me on that one.

 

Have you ever had a date where you actually liked the girl. Or has it gotten to the point where it doesn't matter if you like her or not, just rather or not you get the second date?

[nylah]

Of course you get over it.

 

No, I'm not happily married and I don't have 23 girlfriends OR boyfriends.

 

Can I please have one of your boyfriends? :laugh:

[Chinook]

Can I please have one of your boyfriends? :laugh:

Nylah, you got me in trouble once today already stoppit! And no you can't, get your own

[DateAnalyzer]

I don't know.... I think its fun to meet new people. I don't think talking, or just kicking it with another person (guy or girl) is ever a waste of time.

 

maybe its me (it seems to be "me" alot lately), but I just don't see how you can hate the first date then expect there to be a second one. you've got me on that one.

 

Have you ever had a date where you actually liked the girl. Or has it gotten to the point where it doesn't matter if you like her or not, just rather or not you get the second date?

 

 

i thought i would see a second date because last week's date was the first time a female SMILED when on a date with me in 7 years. I would have bet half my paycheck that i was going to see her again

[alphamale]

i thought i would see a second date because last week's date was the first time a female SMILED when on a date with me in 7 years. I would have bet half my paycheck that i was going to see her again

the men who are the most successful with women are also the ones who have been rejected the most. its all a numbers game.

[nylah]

Nylah, you got me in trouble once today already stoppit! And no you can't, get your own

 

I'm sorry for enticing you..:p I won't do it again I promise!

 

If things keep going the way that they have, I think I might have to answer "daddy's" call....

 

I'm a little up tight (in case you haven't noticed") :laugh:

[nylah]

i thought i would see a second date because last week's date was the first time a female SMILED when on a date with me in 7 years. I would have bet half my paycheck that i was going to see her again[/quote

 

 

 

I'm having a hard time imagining that thru all of your previous dates, not one girl has smiled at you. I thought smiling was kind of a natural thing when you're talking, and having a good time.

[DateAnalyzer]

i thought i would see a second date because last week's date was the first time a female SMILED when on a date with me in 7 years. I would have bet half my paycheck that i was going to see her again[/quote

 

 

 

I'm having a hard time imagining that thru all of your previous dates, not one girl has smiled at you. I thought smiling was kind of a natural thing when you're talking, and having a good time.

 

 

I'm about to move to Buffalo and talk to Patti Novak the Matchmaker-lol I need her in my life so bad

[alphamale]

I'm about to move to Buffalo and talk to Patti Novak the Matchmaker-lol I need her in my life so bad

she would rip you to shreds

[DateAnalyzer]

she would rip you to shreds

 

 

I know which is why i wish she was on Buffalo Avenue in Philadelphia instead of Buffalo,NY-lol

[shadowplay]

Date Analyzer -- I don't mean to sound superficial, but how overweight are you? Since you haven't mentioned anything else about yourself that would turn women off, I'm wondering if this could be part of the problem. Most women don't mind a man who's a tad bit chunky -- in fact that's usually preferrable to slightly underweight -- but past a certain point it becomes a problem. Women can be just as superficial as men. If you don't mind me asking what's your general build like? Height/Frame/Musculature? I'm trying to get a mental picture.

[DateAnalyzer]

Date Analyzer -- I don't mean to sound superficial, but how overweight are you? Since you haven't mentioned anything else about yourself that would turn women off, I'm wondering if this could be part of the problem. Most women don't mind a man who's a tad bit chunky -- in fact that's usually preferrable to slightly underweight -- but past a certain point it becomes a problem. Women can be just as superficial as men. If you don't mind me asking what's your general build like? Height/Frame/Musculature? I'm trying to get a mental picture.

 

 

6'6 and 305. See I have a habit of not mentioning my body size when a Cute female is attracted to my face photo. I get so wrapped up in the convo and their face that I forget to mention I'm a big guy. I have done twice, and need to mention it in the future mainly because my phone voice makes me sound like i'm in good shape

[T-town]

How does one improve his self esteem beyond appearance? this is something I have a lot of trouble with, I don't even know where to start?

 

This is a tough one, you are right getting physically fit will not solve all self-esteem issues. But it is a start...its a fact that getting into shape will help you feel better. I dont think there is one answer to this question...there is no do this and you will feel better about yourself. Something that helps me is getting myself organized. Clean your house/apartment, clean your car...maybe this sounds stupid but i find that getting the things that matter to me in order affects other parts of my life. Again easier said than done but ur sentence 'you need something extra to keep a woman interested in you' to me says a lot about ur perspective on dating and i think that is part of the problem. Why are you so worried about making sure u keep them interested? Of course u want them to stay interested but its not something u should have to try at, be urself and if they are interested great if not then oh well it wasn't ment to be. If i were you i wouldn't go into a relationship in the mind set 'how can i keep her interested' i would go into more of 'she has to keep me interested' or 'what kind of person do I want'. Dont worry about her and what she wants so much, worry about you and what you want. Just my two cents. And i know its easier said than done...but baby steps.

[shadowplay]

This is a tough one, you are right getting physically fit will not solve all self-esteem issues. But it is a start...its a fact that getting into shape will help you feel better. I dont think there is one answer to this question...there is no do this and you will feel better about yourself. Something that helps me is getting myself organized. Clean your house/apartment, clean your car...maybe this sounds stupid but i find that getting the things that matter to me in order affects other parts of my life. Again easier said than done but ur sentence 'you need something extra to keep a woman interested in you' to me says a lot about ur perspective on dating and i think that is part of the problem. Why are you so worried about making sure u keep them interested? Of course u want them to stay interested but its not something u should have to try at, be urself and if they are interested great if not then oh well it wasn't ment to be. If i were you i wouldn't go into a relationship in the mind set 'how can i keep her interested' i would go into more of 'she has to keep me interested' or 'what kind of person do I want'. Dont worry about her and what she wants so much, worry about you and what you want. Just my two cents. And i know its easier said than done...but baby steps.

 

Listen to T-town. This is excellent advice. The best thing you can do is get other aspects of you life in order to build up a sense of self worth that is not dependent on the interest of others. I don't think you should work out or try to lose weight not for women but for yourself.

[halfarock]

…instead of sitting across from a girl who has no intentions on calling me back..

 

Reading through the many threads on LS and elsewhere; I keep noticing this recurring theme, and especially with guys that are having problems getting and holding onto women. That is most guys seem to see women only as potential f*** buddies - putting undue pressure on themselves, and the women in question, to this end. To me that is entirely the wrong way to approach the situation.

 

Whenever I go out on a date (though actually I look at it more as hanging out with some chick rather than a date) I never go in with the idea or even the expectation of any thing more than just to enjoy myself. It’s like, hey I’m getting out, I’m doing something that I might not otherwise do, I’m with someone that I find interesting, I’m having fun. If it turns romantic, all the better. But if it doesn’t, I’ve still enjoyed myself. Even if the woman turns out to be not so fun or whatever; it’s like, oh well. She can still be entertaining to me.

 

alphamale’s idea, “the men who are the most successful with women are also the ones who have been rejected the most. its all a numbers game” may be true but I never look at it that way. It’s just that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. From my way of thinking, I’ve never been rejected, though from another’s perspective, maybe I have. It’s all in the adventure.

 

I’d be willing to bet that the main difference between guys that get girls and those that don’t, is mostly in their attitude.

[lino]

This is a tough one, you are right getting physically fit will not solve all self-esteem issues. But it is a start...its a fact that getting into shape will help you feel better. I dont think there is one answer to this question...there is no do this and you will feel better about yourself. Something that helps me is getting myself organized. Clean your house/apartment, clean your car...maybe this sounds stupid but i find that getting the things that matter to me in order affects other parts of my life. Again easier said than done but ur sentence 'you need something extra to keep a woman interested in you' to me says a lot about ur perspective on dating and i think that is part of the problem. Why are you so worried about making sure u keep them interested? Of course u want them to stay interested but its not something u should have to try at, be urself and if they are interested great if not then oh well it wasn't ment to be. If i were you i wouldn't go into a relationship in the mind set 'how can i keep her interested' i would go into more of 'she has to keep me interested' or 'what kind of person do I want'. Dont worry about her and what she wants so much, worry about you and what you want. Just my two cents. And i know its easier said than done...but baby steps.

 

Appreciate your advice

I've already done this though. Like I said my appearance is very good(sorry if I sound arrogant) and I am organised with a clean house & car Like I said earlier I don't get initial rejection much like the OP, I just keep getting dumped 1 - 2 months into a relationship

I've never dumped any girl I've ALWAYS been the dumpee.

I know I have a self esteem problem but I have no idea how to fix it?!?

About the other thing you said, well what if the woman I'm with is already doing well enough to keep me interested? I can't exactly fabricate demands I don't want. I'm not really that hard to please I just wish I could find a female with the same mindset as me

I am worried about me & what I want, I know it very well the problem I have is exactly about what the girl wants, I never seem to be it.

Someone once wrote on this website something along the lines of: 'Looks open the door for you...game gets you through the door...& personality keeps you inside' This sums it up well in my opinion but I can only get to the 2nd stage but not past it. I don't have this 'game' and I've no idea how to get it?!?

 

Nylah, I stay in shape for both myself & for the ladies, I don't think there's anything wrong with that I have lots of other interests and aspects in my life but eventually when you're always alone and never feel loved your interest in these other things starts to weaken

[lino]

I’d be willing to bet that the main difference between guys that get girls and those that don’t, is mostly in their attitude.

 

I agree with you 100% but how do you get this 'attitude'?!?

[alphamale]

alphamale’s idea, “the men who are the most successful with women are also the ones who have been rejected the most. its all a numbers game” may be true but I never look at it that way.

it is totally true no matter which way you specifically look at it.

[T-town]

I am worried about me & what I want, I know it very well the problem I have is exactly about what the girl wants, I never seem to be it.

Someone once wrote on this website something along the lines of: 'Looks open the door for you...game gets you through the door...& personality keeps you inside' This sums it up well in my opinion but I can only get to the 2nd stage but not past it. I don't have this 'game' and I've no idea how to get it?!?

 

Well sorry i couldn't be more help! The only other thing i could say is try to find a girl that compliments you. For me i am kind of quiet...not shy but i am just kind of quiet, much like my father. So for me i generally date girls that are outgoing talkative girls cause girls like that kind of draw out my personality. That is just me...sorry without knowing you personally i cant think of any other advise! Other than keep trying and get out there!