Krytellan Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 I might be alone in my thinking, but I have been reading through a few of the infidelity posts tonight and it has me thinking. I don't usually read them because they make me ill, but I digress. Isn't it the faithful parent's obligation so set a good example for the kids by terminating situations in which one spouse is not-so-subtley cheating on the other? I mean people talk about staying together for the kids, but aren't we in essence demonstrating a poor example to the children regarding self-worth and accountability, namely that they aren't important? Shouldn't we instead be showing them that they should always do what is necessary for themselves and those they love when they are in a poisonous situation? Shouldn't we be modeling high esteem and boundary setting? I ask because though I have been through the pain of a cheating gf, I cannot relate to it in a marriage and family context. I just feel like by staying in it for the kids, one misses out on the opportunity to set a truly positive example.
Curmudgeon Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 I just feel like by staying in it for the kids, one misses out on the opportunity to set a truly positive example. I believe that in many cases, children are the worst reason to stay in a relationship that's gone sour whether because of abuse, infidelity or simply because the parents have grown apart. Children are very observasnt and instinctual. They know when things aren't right between their parents. Children also learn what they live. You have to consider the lessons from your marriage they'll be taking into their own, future relationships -- lessons about self worth, love, respect, relationship, mutuality, et al.
Author Krytellan Posted July 14, 2007 Author Posted July 14, 2007 Children are very observasnt and instinctual. They know when things aren't right between their parents. Children also learn what they live. You have to consider the lessons from your marriage they'll be taking into their own, future relationships -- lessons about self worth, love, respect, relationship, mutuality, et al. *sagenod* In the case of a cheating wife where the father chooses to stay in it and be miserable for the kids, what is it the very observant children take away from it? It's showing them that others' value trumps your own, which I think is a bad message. And most would probably agree that staying is not doing the children any favors either.
Curmudgeon Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 And most would probably agree that staying is not doing the children any favors either. ...the ex did everything she could to ensure that I ended up absolutely destitute without the means to have even a moderate quality of life. I remonstrated with her once telling her that what she was trying sent a power message to our children that their father wasn't worth anything and wasn't worthy of a decent life. She didn't care! She persisted and she lost. My income is now almost double what it was when I divorced her, she gets absolutely none of it, I have a very comfortable life and am quickly heading into a very secure and comfortable retirement in three years. She has absolutely nothing now. She's dependent upon our youngest son and his wife and has to live with them, and our other four children want nothing to do with her while having lovely relationships with my wife and me. She should have been careful of what she wished for. She sent the wrong message to the children.
Melovator Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Isn't it the faithful parent's obligation so set a good example for the kids by terminating situations in which one spouse is not-so-subtley cheating on the other? I mean people talk about staying together for the kids, but aren't we in essence demonstrating a poor example to the children regarding self-worth and accountability, namely that they aren't important? Shouldn't we instead be showing them that they should always do what is necessary for themselves and those they love when they are in a poisonous situation? Shouldn't we be modeling high esteem and boundary setting? Krytellen, this is the exact reason why I had to end my relationship with my ex, because what would I be teaching my son about women and relationships if I had continued to remain in a situation where his father treated me with disrespect? I would be telling my son its okay to treat women like cr@p, and that its okay to let yourself be treated like cr@p by someone you love. Just because you love someone doesn't mean they can treat you like sh*t. So yes, parents should be modelling high esteem and boundary setting because that's a lesson that should be shown, not that you remain miserable because of the children- and how much would that stuff them up in the head to be responsible for one parent's continuing misery?
Recommended Posts