Author Love is Tragic Posted July 16, 2007 Author Posted July 16, 2007 I definitely still love my H, very very much. I am so comfortable when im around him, i respect him, and he takes good care of me and the kid. but.. i was so young when we were married and i still didnt have a clear view of who i was as a person. Now that i have a better idea of who i am, i realize that the man im with isnt the best match for me at all. I know now what kind of man i need and want, and what type of man would best compliment my personality. And i got a taste of that with MM. Im really torn, even way before i met MM, i was thinking about ending the marriage. I just think i could be so much more fulfilled, and happy. There are so many things i wish that H would do, but after all these years he will never change. And i either have to accept that, and stay-or realize that nothing in my life will change for the better unless we end it. It would have been so much easier to leave before my daughter came along. Which was unexpected in itself since i was told i would never conceive naturally. ha! that doctor was way wrong. I think ive just reached a crossroads in life and i have to decide what path i want to take. I want to do something with my life, and i just dont think staying in this small town will take me very far. So do you think its wrong to want to end a marriage for these reasons? because i think i could be happier either single or with another man? It sounds so shallow and selfish and yet i have to put myself first in order for me to be able to take care of my family. Even though i love my H so much, and he takes care of us, some things are definitely missing. Things that im pretty sure i could find if i were free of the M.
nylah Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 I don't think it's selfish to want to be happy. You can love a person, and still not want to be with them. And it's unfair to you and to him. You are definitely going to have to think about that seriously...which it sounds like you already have... I just hope it's not because of MM. Would you still want to leave your H even if you knew you couldn't be with MM? I know what you mean about small towns. If you have any dreams, then you are going to have to move for sure. Maybe that is what you need to do. Do you think your husband would let you go. I mean really... He might just "wild out" on you. then what? I'm going to be moving from this place in sept. I have pretty much had it here; there's only one thing that could make me stay and I think you know what/who that is. I think we're both at a crossroad. But, my mind is pretty much made up. You gotta figure out what's best for you. We've only got one life, girlie.....
justice Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 You're holding on because you still have hope. From reading though, I think your hope is unfounded, in all likely hood this guy is never going to return to you what you are giving him. I know it's going to hurt, but you need to cut him loose and find someone free who can give you back as much as you give them.
lonelybird Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 You hold on him because he is your addiction. which show your life isn't happy, you didn't find true purpose of life
precious1357 Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 lonelybird, that's easier said than done. I'm totally in love with someone and he loves me, this I know, but we can't be together. I'm a very happy person, with a few good friends and great children. I'm just in love with some I can't have and I'm trying to stop to loving him, its too hard and I know Jesus Christ loves us BOTH!
precious1357 Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Loveistragic, Life is so very short, happiness is hard to find but when you find it, grab onto and hold. I read an earlier post from you and you remind me of myself, I'm not married and I'm definitely in love with a MM, who is in a loveless marriage, he has been made to believe he was unlovable. Its not selfish to want to be happy and end a relationship that is not a good one. If you have the opportunity then take it, do not allow other people to make a decision for you and once you make it, stick with it.
M G D Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 If you love him stay with it. If you arent in love. Run away. Plain and simple. Dont let BS's give you advice. Come on these are the same woman who could hold on to the husband in the beginning.
child_of_isis Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 what do you mean by "hold on to the husband"?
lonelybird Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 lonelybird, that's easier said than done. I'm totally in love with someone and he loves me, this I know, but we can't be together. I'm a very happy person, with a few good friends and great children. I'm just in love with some I can't have and I'm trying to stop to loving him, its too hard and I know Jesus Christ loves us BOTH! Yes, Jesus Christ loves you both, but doesn't mean he love sins. HE doesn't like to see you go to the road of self-destruction. Love isn't all about passion. When you love an unavailable man, it is unavoidable to hurt others, hurt his family, his children, his wife. hurt your husband, your children. Passion is so easy to come by, but love needs patience, endure tough times. Love is not something fall on you, it is something you build up. Passion will go away and die, but love will increase through your efforts , forgiveness and patience, like a garden, needs nuture. Maybe you just thrilled by the secret, by the unavailableness. Think about why you married your husband in the first place, what changed? passion changed because of daily life?
lonelybird Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 If you love him stay with it. If you arent in love. Run away. Plain and simple. Dont let BS's give you advice. Come on these are the same woman who could hold on to the husband in the beginning. But they are MM's wifes. you come second, you are trying to take something not belong to you in the first place, you are trying to steal something from others. you covet other's husband. If wife can forgive their husband, that means they have big heart. I guess ME is the most thing, isn't it? But that mindset really won't bring you true happiness
precious1357 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 lonelybird, We're trying, there are no children involved. MM has been in a loveless, sexless marriage for a very long time. We are not children (both over 50), we are not thrilled by the "secretness". Grow up and understand that everything is not cut and dry. Life is not a storybook and people are not perfect. Families experience hurt, death and pain, its a part of living. We do the best we can. Neither one of us had committed the sin "adultery/fornication" before this time. We are truly sorry and plan to make the appropriate changes. In fact, we have a pact of not sleeping together, at least we are trying. Jesus asked "let the one without sins cast the first stone". The scripture also says that "if you say you are without sin, you make God a liar". He died for our sins and we are covered by the blood of Jesus Christ. We both understand each other and plan take things slow because we believe our love is real. My husband died years ago.
lonelybird Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 lonelybird, We're trying, there are no children involved. MM has been in a loveless, sexless marriage for a very long time. We are not children (both over 50), we are not thrilled by the "secretness". Grow up and understand that everything is not cut and dry. Life is not a storybook and people are not perfect. Families experience hurt, death and pain, its a part of living. We do the best we can. Neither one of us had committed the sin "adultery/fornication" before this time. We are truly sorry and plan to make the appropriate changes. In fact, we have a pact of not sleeping together, at least we are trying. Jesus asked "let the one without sins cast the first stone". The scripture also says that "if you say you are without sin, you make God a liar". He died for our sins and we are covered by the blood of Jesus Christ. We both understand each other and plan take things slow because we believe our love is real. My husband died years ago. If you trully believe in Lord, then you know what should you do in your heart. I am sorry that your husband died. Yes, our sins are covered by blood of Jesus, but that doesn't mean you can sin again and again, and without repentance. Repentance means you feel sorry for your sin, and decide "sin no more". There is a change. Do you remember Jesus said "if you love me, you will obey my commandments"? but how can you teach other OW to chaste passion and break other's families and marriage vows? you cannot assume that wifes don't love their husband anymore, you cannot assume that husband don't love their wifes anymore, maybe their passion gone. What about his wife? "Pull people back from sin" and "cast stones" are different Love shouldn't be something only "love for yourself", it also reaches to others, such as his wife and family. then you can be a bigger person, and can face Lord one day
precious1357 Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 Both of them have acknowledged that they do not love each other. He does not love her and she does not love him, its a marriage of convenience and its over. So, some of what you said is right, but guess what, God loves me too and I'm so glad your not God.
lonelybird Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 God loves me too and I'm so glad your not God. I am glad too I am NOT, I make too many mistakes, awful, awful
GreenEyedLady Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 God loves me too and I'm so glad your not God. AMEN SISTER!:bunny:
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