LoveLace Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I was reading the "Whipped" thread and it got me wondering... This isn't necessarily directed just at men, but I would think the meaning of "high maintenance" could vary from one person to the next...and what level of high maintenance, if any, is acceptable, and at what level is it too out of control? It annoys me when I hear women constantly ask their men: "honey, do this", "honey,do that", "honey will you----" over, and over, 10 times in one hour...I guess if he spoiled her that way, it could be his own fault? I don't know, but it's annoying... any thoughts?
doiask42much Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 When I think high maintenance, I'm mostly thinking of material things. I assume from your post you mean high maintenance emotionally?
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Ahahahhaha....apparently, that's me based on a spread 'em, cook for me biatch...kinda' guy. Yes, I am high maintenance. I demand that men of interest keep up to my pace. I absolutely hate nagging and refuse to do it, because everyone is an adult. If you can't uphold your 50%, you're simply not worth the time. I am not your mother or keeper. I refuse to be responsible for or try to control you.
Author LoveLace Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 When I think high maintenance, I'm mostly thinking of material things. I assume from your post you mean high maintenance emotionally? Well the point of the thread is to see if it means all different things to different people...to me, it's feeling like someone is just demanding too much from you, weather it's material or emotional, either one counts I guess...
JackJack Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Well the point of the thread is to see if it means all different things to different people...to me, it's feeling like someone is just demanding too much from you, weather it's material or emotional, either one counts I guess... To me, I feel that high maintence material wise, can drain one finacially. While, emotional high maintence can drain one emotionally/mentally. I have been on the emotional high maintence end before where a person drained me or exhausted me from being able to keep with up with their demands of whining, complaining, woe is me pity party all the time. Kind of like a toxic relationship kind of deal I guess.
Krytellan Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I think high maintenance comes down to expectation. We all want things and request things from our SO. However, someone who is high maintenance goes beyond wanting and almost seems expecting/entitled. To the point where they can't understand why there would be an issue with doing it. I think it can be financial or emotional. Ragradless of the form, it is obviously self-serving and I wouldn't imagine that the other person in the relationship is getting anything out of the relationship except the High maintenance person's perceived "privilege" of being with them.
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 High maintenance men are men that require a constant affirmation of self through external validation. When a guy needs someone else to always tell them how great they are, how perfect they are, how secure they should feel, these are major red flags. This isn't representative of someone with self-esteem. It's representing the needy individual who relies on their partners to fill a substantial void in self, instead of being self-reliant without being an emotional vampire. Co-dependency anyone?
nylah Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 To me, I feel that high maintence material wise, can drain one finacially. While, emotional high maintence can drain one emotionally/mentally. I have been on the emotional high maintence end before where a person drained me or exhausted me from being able to keep with up with their demands of whining, complaining, woe is me pity party all the time. Kind of like a toxic relationship kind of deal I guess. Although, I must say that it does not necessarily have to be someone who is constantly demanding something or complaining; it can also be someone who does the opposite, by not communicating at all and leaving the other person to guess or wonder what is going on...this too is very draining on a person or a relationship....
Author LoveLace Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 High maintenance men are men that require a constant affirmation of self through external validation. When a guy needs someone else to always tell them how great they are, how perfect they are, how secure they should feel, these are major red flags. This isn't representative of someone with self-esteem. It's representing the needy individual who relies on their partners to fill a substantial void in self, instead of being self-reliant without being an emotional vampire. Co-dependency anyone? Reminds me of a co-worker -- she literally can't stand her own husband, because he's a big whiner, and is constantly demanding her attention or expecting her to feel sorry for him, etc...she has never cheated or anything in the past, but he even breaths down her neck if she is just on the internet, checking to see if she's on dating sites, if she gets dressed up to go to a PTA meeting, he accuses her going to meet her "other boyfriend"....he gets jealous if she spends time with the kids instead of him!! Talking bout a big turn-off.
Author LoveLace Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 ...which raises another question...could insecurity and high-maintenance actually be the same thing?
JackJack Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Reminds me of a co-worker -- she literally can't stand her own husband, because he's a big whiner, and is constantly demanding her attention or expecting her to feel sorry for him, etc...she has never cheated or anything in the past, but he even breaths down her neck if she is just on the internet, checking to see if she's on dating sites, if she gets dressed up to go to a PTA meeting, he accuses her going to meet her "other boyfriend"....he gets jealous if she spends time with the kids instead of him!! Talking bout a big turn-off. Wow, he really needs to get some help for that. Thats suffocating.
alphamale Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 "high maintenance" comes in many different forms....financial, emotional, physicial, psychological, etc... i would think almost everyone is high mtc in at least one category
nylah Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 High maintenance men are men that require a constant affirmation of self through external validation. When a guy needs someone else to always tell them how great they are, how perfect they are, how secure they should feel, these are major red flags. This isn't representative of someone with self-esteem. It's representing the needy individual who relies on their partners to fill a substantial void in self, instead of being self-reliant without being an emotional vampire. Co-dependency anyone? Do you think it applies to the opposite extreme??...like men who require too much help with expressing themselves...unable to say what they really feel until someone says it first....?
Pyro Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 To me, high maintenance means that a great deal of time and energy is needed to please that person. There are various categories under this: emotional, physical, etc. I like TBF's answer about the person needing lots of affirmation and validation. In other words, a high maintenance person is a drama queen.
doiask42much Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 "high maintenance" comes in many different forms....financial, emotional, physicial, psychological, etc... i would think almost everyone is high mtc in at least one category I think I am in all four! I'm the worst about emotional/psychological, though. I didn't use to be high maintenance materially speaking, but I've become more so with age. Sometimes I pity my poor bf and wonder what he is getting out of being with me. Most people who look at us think he's lucky and that I'm a great catch (even, "What is she doing with him?"), but I know better.
doiask42much Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 ...which raises another question...could insecurity and high-maintenance actually be the same thing? I don't think they are the same thing; I think A causes B.
nylah Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I think I am in all four! I'm the worst about emotional/psychological, though. I didn't use to be high maintenance materially speaking, but I've become more so with age. Sometimes I pity my poor bf and wonder what he is getting out of being with me. Most people who look at us think he's lucky and that I'm a great catch (even, "What is she doing with him?"), but I know better. You're bf must be great!.....I'm jealous...
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Reminds me of a co-worker -- she literally can't stand her own husband, because he's a big whiner, and is constantly demanding her attention or expecting her to feel sorry for him, etc...she has never cheated or anything in the past, but he even breaths down her neck if she is just on the internet, checking to see if she's on dating sites, if she gets dressed up to go to a PTA meeting, he accuses her going to meet her "other boyfriend"....he gets jealous if she spends time with the kids instead of him!! Talking bout a big turn-off. You should get out 6 foot red flags and signal SOS to her... Do you think it applies to the opposite extreme??...like men who require too much help with expressing themselves...unable to say what they really feel until someone says it first....? Many guys aren't raised to express themselves emotionally. More a product of nurture, rather than nature which is a shame. It doesn't mean they don't feel emotions, they simply can't put those feelings into words. To me, high maintenance means that a great deal of time and energy is needed to please that person. There are various categories under this: emotional, physical, etc. I like TBF's answer about the person needing lots of affirmation and validation. In other words, a high maintenance person is a drama queen. I agree although with one codicil. If this person's output to you, equals what they want, it's a push. Consider it a joint perfectionists relationship. Thanks. A good way to put it, drama queen who sucks you dry...
Pyro Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I agree although with one codicil. If this person's output to you, equals what they want, it's a push. Consider it a joint perfectionists relationship. I think that I understand this, but could you explain it a little more? Perhaps give an example.
Sk8away Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 What about men that have to spend EVERY single minute of their free time with their girlfriends, who have to spend every single night at their girlfriend's apartment (even though they have their own place which they never spend time at), who time their going to work and coming home to the girlfriend's so they can ride the bus both ways with her (even if she works in a different part of the city but on the same bus line), who abandons his friends and previous activities just to run straight back to the girlfriend's apartment every night (where they mainly watch TV and do very little else)? What kind of guy is THAT? Insecure? High maintenance? Needy? Clingy? All of the above? Quite honestly, I never understood how anyone--male or female--could give up their friends, their personal interests and activities, etc, to spend every single free minute of every single day with their significant other. And I could never respect a guy who wanted to spend "every minute" with me--I do, after all, have friends, outside interests, and a LIFE! Doesn't that quickly erode a relationship and kill sexual attraction? To me, it seems unhealthy and unbalanced. You should enter a relationship as a whole person, not as someone who needs another person to "complete" them! Can anyone offer any insights on this behavior?
Trialbyfire Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I think that I understand this, but could you explain it a little more? Perhaps give an example. Sorry Rid, missed this. If person A puts in 100% and person B puts in 100%, you end up with an incredible charge. If person A puts in 25% and person B puts in 75%, it's not going to work unless person B is a doormat.
Author LoveLace Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 What about men that have to spend EVERY single minute of their free time with their girlfriends, who have to spend every single night at their girlfriend's apartment (even though they have their own place which they never spend time at), who time their going to work and coming home to the girlfriend's so they can ride the bus both ways with her (even if she works in a different part of the city but on the same bus line), who abandons his friends and previous activities just to run straight back to the girlfriend's apartment every night (where they mainly watch TV and do very little else)? What kind of guy is THAT? Insecure? High maintenance? Needy? Clingy? All of the above? I'd say All of the above there...
Pyro Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 Sorry Rid, missed this. If person A puts in 100% and person B puts in 100%, you end up with an incredible charge. If person A puts in 25% and person B puts in 75%, it's not going to work unless person B is a doormat. Its cool. Thanks for the clarification. To be honest, I forgot all about this thread.
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