uniqueone Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 What is wrong with me? I keep e-mailing him. I have so many things to say. Ours ended in a fight and nothing was ever discussed. I calmed down and wanted to discuss things. He put all the blame on me, ended it and that was all that was said on his part. No more discussion. I tell myself I'll stop writing but then do anyway. How can I control myself? I'm around a computer all the time!
funkybassplayer Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 You have to, the more you contact him, the more self respect you lose both in your and his eyes. Let him be, if he wants to talk he will, he knows where to reach you, but at the moment with every email you send, your pushing him further away. Try to be strong and think of yourself, and the damage these emails are doing and how much each non reponce is hurting you.
Krytellan Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Every time you are about to click send, just remember and tell yourself that he DOES NOT care. That is obvious. It's OK that you do, but he obviously doesn't.
sao2 Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 If it were me and I really wanted to discuss things and work it out then I would send one last email. Something short, basically "I'm sorry, I think we should still be together. If you don't agree then I will leave you alone." After that it is on him. You can't do anything else at this point. I work by a computer all day and even worse, I am not held accountable for work in any ways. I'm doing "research". Ooh how the mind gets to wander . . .
Author uniqueone Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 What's so stupid is that he's the one who should be coming after me after what happened. Do you think if I go NC it will make him curious enough to contact me? Before it ended, I was going to help him with this problem he was having with something and I've since found the solution for it. I've been thinking of telling him that I found the solution to get him to contact me but then that would make me mad if he contacted me after that. I guess I feel that I'd at least get contact only it wouldn't be the contact that I wanted. So I've resisted doing that.
Author uniqueone Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 After that it is on him. You can't do anything else at this point. I work by a computer all day and even worse, I am not held accountable for work in any ways. I'm doing "research". Ooh how the mind gets to wander . . . Don't I know it! I wish I wasn't by a computer so much! And the stupid thing is, it's not like we were in a serious relationship. I miss his friendship though. Relationship-wise he just wanted to date a harem of women. I know...why am I pining over a guy like that? Like I said, I miss his friendship.
funkybassplayer Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 If it were me and I really wanted to discuss things and work it out then I would send one last email. Something short, basically "I'm sorry, I think we should still be together. If you don't agree then I will leave you alone." After that it is on him. You can't do anything else at this point. I work by a computer all day and even worse, I am not held accountable for work in any ways. I'm doing "research". Ooh how the mind gets to wander . . . What's so stupid is that he's the one who should be coming after me after what happened. Do you think if I go NC it will make him curious enough to contact me? Before it ended, I was going to help him with this problem he was having with something and I've since found the solution for it. I've been thinking of telling him that I found the solution to get him to contact me but then that would make me mad if he contacted me after that. I guess I feel that I'd at least get contact only it wouldn't be the contact that I wanted. So I've resisted doing that. No contact is to help you, when you want to move on from the relationship, and to prevent you from getting hurt any further, and has nothing to do with making him miss you. If you think he should be contacting you, then let him, if he cares he will. If he wants help he will, but at the moment, he doe not want to talk to you, and trying to contact him all the time will make it worse.
rakula Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 What is wrong with me? I keep e-mailing him. I have so many things to say. Ours ended in a fight and nothing was ever discussed. I calmed down and wanted to discuss things. He put all the blame on me, ended it and that was all that was said on his part. No more discussion. I tell myself I'll stop writing but then do anyway. How can I control myself? I'm around a computer all the time! Don't write him anymore. The only thing you should write about is requesting to meet in person to discuss the issues. If he is still not willing to give you this and give you closure. Then you pretty much won't get it. He is an A$$ for that but at that point you don't have any communication with him at all! Start hanging wiht friends and other people who love you and make you feel great about yourself.
rakula Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Don't I know it! I wish I wasn't by a computer so much! And the stupid thing is, it's not like we were in a serious relationship. I miss his friendship though. Relationship-wise he just wanted to date a harem of women. I know...why am I pining over a guy like that? Like I said, I miss his friendship. Sometimes the best thing to do is put some distance between you and him. His heart might grow fonder, but that shouldn't matter to you. The distance will allow you to step back for a while and look at the situation objectively to see if this is the kind of friendship you want in your life.
Author uniqueone Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 Don't write him anymore. The only thing you should write about is requesting to meet in person to discuss the issues. If he is still not willing to give you this and give you closure. Then you pretty much won't get it. He is an A$$ for that but at that point you don't have any communication with him at all! Start hanging wiht friends and other people who love you and make you feel great about yourself. I can't meet him in person as he's long distance. I think he feels like he's given me closure by his one email where he told me why he was angry-blaming me for it all. As for hanging with friends and people who love me.....well...that's a problem too. See, I don't really have anyone there for me. I could go into that further but this isn't the right forum for that.
funkybassplayer Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I can't meet him in person as he's long distance. I think he feels like he's given me closure by his one email where he told me why he was angry-blaming me for it all. As for hanging with friends and people who love me.....well...that's a problem too. See, I don't really have anyone there for me. I could go into that further but this isn't the right forum for that. Its not such a bad thing to be on your own as you can greive when and how you like. Thats how i got by, may mates are far away from me. If thats closure from him, theres nothing more to do but go and start to greive. There is in my opinion no such thing as closure, as in time it comes from within you, to forgive and move on.
rakula Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I can't meet him in person as he's long distance. I think he feels like he's given me closure by his one email where he told me why he was angry-blaming me for it all. As for hanging with friends and people who love me.....well...that's a problem too. See, I don't really have anyone there for me. I could go into that further but this isn't the right forum for that. Well maybe arrange a phone call with him? There is so much communication being left out with IMs and emails. Well I think if you don't have actual friends in the area. Join a group or sign up for a class. It helps to get your mind off of things. Also, if things are not getting better for you at all, may not be such a bad idea to see a therapist.
Author uniqueone Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 Well maybe arrange a phone call with him? There is so much communication being left out with IMs and emails. I doubt he will since he won't answer e-mails. Well I think if you don't have actual friends in the area. Join a group or sign up for a class. It helps to get your mind off of things. Also, if things are not getting better for you at all, may not be such a bad idea to see a therapist. Yeah, I should do that I guess. I've never been a group person though. I tend to like one on one and not in organized activities. Ok, I'll admit it...I hate organized activities. Just being honest. I was getting outside at least to exercise but hurt my knee recently so can't. Therapists...yeah, they help a little bit.
rakula Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I doubt he will since he won't answer e-mails. Well then you know the nature of the relationship then. He is not willing to give it a chance to sort it out. All you can do is request it. If he denies it. Then it's pretty much done. At least he knows your wishes. Yeah, I should do that I guess. I've never been a group person though. I tend to like one on one and not in organized activities. Ok, I'll admit it...I hate organized activities. Just being honest. I was getting outside at least to exercise but hurt my knee recently so can't. Therapists...yeah, they help a little bit. ok.. what about a wine class by yourself? or cooking. you're doing it by yourself. yeah there are other people there but you don't have to interact with them. IF you like alone stuff then get a massage or pedicure or whatever. Just make sure you get out of the house.
Author uniqueone Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 Well then you know the nature of the relationship then. He is not willing to give it a chance to sort it out. All you can do is request it. If he denies it. Then it's pretty much done. At least he knows your wishes. ok.. what about a wine class by yourself? or cooking. you're doing it by yourself. yeah there are other people there but you don't have to interact with them. IF you like alone stuff then get a massage or pedicure or whatever. Just make sure you get out of the house. Well he had told me that he never ends relationships. So then why this?
Author uniqueone Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 Just thinking about it still.... I would feel ok if I knew he'd contact me in the future. I guess I just wonder if he plans to never talk to me again. Does his lack of response mean he'll never contact me again? Why doesn't he respond at least to tell me that it's over and final since I've been sending these emails looking for answers?
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