Tirai Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 They get in your head, and before you know it everything is about tthem, you lose who you are, and after the split, you have to take time out to rediscover who you were, they drain you emotionally, thats why its so hard to get them out your head. You have to walk away, as hard as it sounds, cos he can always walk away without real emotion, WE CANT. Am sitting here crying my head off. Thank you for putting these words down! Somewhere here someone said there being a risk us turning like them. Can it be so? Tell me about the NC, daily i feel i wanna call him and throw all the agony to his face just to vent out. I wont take him back, so that is not the reason behind. If for not nothing else -making his ears hurt. Why not? Aliddy, havn't been here at LS for a long either but there's great folk here, and the words put down are often huge support. I am so happy u found here, and i am so happy that u are now breaking out from what made u miserable. It's not easy but it will be for the better. Strength and all the best!
Author Aliddy Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 I am still reeling from all I have learnt today !!!! Anyway, I have not emailed, texted, phoned or written for two weeks now. Suprise, suprise neither has he !! But I did do one thing, which I felt quite good about, on Monday, I collected things he had left here, placed them in a carboard box, without a note, sealed it up and posted them all back to him, via Royal Mail. I have deleted him off my " buddy list " and deleted him from my mobile phone, so I cant contact him.....as I dont trust myself, one moment of weakness and I will be, without doubt right back where I started from. It is not easy, but I think understanding the narcissistic stuff has made things a whole lot clearer to me,why did he just walk away, and not even give me second glance, because he is incapable of feeling anything except for himself, and knowing that makes it almost ( I say almost ) bearable............
Chinook Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 But I did do one thing, which I felt quite good about, on Monday, I collected things he had left here, placed them in a carboard box, without a note, sealed it up and posted them all back to him, via Royal Mail. I did that very same thing on Monday too And the deleted from everything thing... And the getting-things-clearer-in-head thing... You'll be fine.
funkybassplayer Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I Suprise, suprise neither has he !! But I did do one thing, which I felt quite good about, on Monday, I collected things he had left here, placed them in a carboard box, without a note, sealed it up and posted them all back to him, via Royal Mail. I have deleted him off my " buddy list " and deleted him from my mobile phone, so I cant contact]... That is exavtly waht i did, she had cds, and money owed, and a choker that i liked on her, sent it all back, no note...................You take back control of your own life by doing that actilon. You have done the very thing to start to heal, and to stick two fingers up at him..as i did! Well done.
funkybassplayer Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Am sitting here crying my head off. Thank you for putting these words down! Somewhere here someone said there being a risk us turning like them. Can it be so? Tell me about the NC, daily i feel i wanna call him and throw all the agony to his face just to vent out. I wont take him back, so that is not the reason behind. If for not nothing else -making his ears hurt. Why not? Aliddy, havn't been here at LS for a long either but there's great folk here, and the words put down are often huge support. I am so happy u found here, and i am so happy that u are now breaking out from what made u miserable. It's not easy but it will be for the better. Strength and all the best! Dont give in to contact, it will bring you back to square 1, stay strong, you will be ok, i have come through this, and chinook is close behind. Take control of your life. You will only be like them, if you dont heal before going inot another relationship, so take out the time to be on your owm, and re discover the person you were and are before you met him. We can never be selfish, cos we are not, but you can run the risk of carrying crap into another relationship, as these people do.......be strong man. Keep posting great people here.
Author Aliddy Posted July 14, 2007 Author Posted July 14, 2007 Feel very strange at the moment, I think that maybe all I have learnt today, has answered the questions, that were driving me insane. I just could not comprehend how he could of treated me that way, and I have been tearing myself apart throughout the past 28 days. Now I feel a strange calmness, as it was nothing I did, he is incapable of loving anyone, and I was just a supply for him, but I challenged that, and cut of the supply, so he had no choice but to find another one and quickly........and for the Narcissist, the easiest way to do that, is to go back to an old supply.................... Well I am not going to become, a back up for when it goes wrong with her again !!! which it will ............ I feel as if I have been released and given back my sanity and the never ending questions have all been answered. I have also learnt that not only do they feed on the love we give them, but also on the pain they cause...apparently the one thing they simply can not stand is indifference ............. the opposite of love is not hate it is without doubt indifference........... So its that, towards him I now seek..............
Tormented Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 He refused to accept responsibilty, for any of the events, and subsequently began to " make me suffer ". He would not even talk about reconciliation, he started to date his ex girlfriend again ( who is 10 years older than me - I am 45 ( so is he )and who, he told me, he has been in an on and off relationship with for 5 years ) Because I felt so guilty, I accepted this, and did everything I could to get him back. Hi Aliddy...welcome to the board. You'll find some great advice here and discover that there are others who have been through what you are now facing and made it through beautifully! I felt the need to respond to your post as your situation sounds akin to the hell I went through with my ex-narcissistic. It is my hope that by sharing a brief recap of my story, it will help you to better understand what you're dealing with. Was with my ex for a total of 10 hellish months, or should I say, 8 hellish months as the first 2 were nothing less than "blissful." But then, it always is when entering a relationship with a narcissistic. That's how they "hook" you, and when they're satisfied that they've "conquered" your heart....the hell begins. The mask they won your heart with - the one of gentleness, sincerity, compassion, enthusiasm, passion, promising, generosity, and affection - is abruptly switched to the mask of their "true" self - one of extreme selfishness, cruel, emotionally void, self-centered, emotionally unstable, vindictive, angry and punitive - leaving you in complete shock and emotionally drained. It's as though you are dealing with a Jekyl/Hyde situation...and you are! Problem is, by this time you are "hooked" on the man you thought he was...the man behind the deceiving mask. You are reeling for answers as to WHY he changed in which he will promptly heap the fault on YOUR shoulders...as he did with the women before you, and will do to the women after you. And the sad part? This sick method has worked for him in the past so he naturally expects it to work on you. Narcissistics are quite polished in the craft of manipulation for the sole purpose of self-gain. And that's what it's all about..."SELF." Theirs is a world of which THEY are God and are entitled to "special" treatment and worship. They are "above" average anything.. They have a deep sense of false entitlement to whatever they see fit, and people (primarily women) are but mere objects to be used for what is called "Narcissistic Supply." However, if that "object" fails to deliver what they want, even once, they will immediately set out to find a "better" replacement. You see, narcissistic supply is enterchangeable....hence, the long strew of women and broken relationships in their past. They can do this - toss you aside without so much as a blink - because they haven't the capability to love...not in the way "normal" people do. They don't bond, have a sense of loyalty, or acknowledge those in their life as individual people with REAL desires or feelings. Because in THEIR world, only THEY matter. And the sad part? They have absolutely NO insight into their severe sickness, and, in fact, have fooled themselves into believing that THEY are the "normal" ones and everybody else is, well...."substandard." When I met my ex, I had just come out of a painful relationship. He had just split up with his ex g/f so we were both in the "wound licking" phase. Needless to say, I wasn't looking for another relationship because I hadn't healed from the last one. He and I were "set up" by some mutual friends who felt it would be good for me to get out and have some fun. Reluctantly, I agreed to go on this blind date. I wasn't attracted to him at first, not at all. But as the night wore on, I found him funny, charming, even exciting. He had me laughing for most the evening and we just "clicked" so well. Early the next morning, he called me and wanted to spend the day together. I was tired, didn't really want to go....but he was persistant and I finally agreed to it. Again, we had a blast - spent all day and most the night together. From there, he just seemed to move in on my life...planned all of our days off together and filled "my" schedule with...well, HIM. Little by little, he chipped away at my heart, gained my trust by convincing me that he would NEVER hurt or betray me. I had major trust issues from the last relationship I was in and he knew it. He made me feel deeply loved, made me feel special, and never failed to make me laugh. Soon, I couldn't wait to be with him again, which, of course, is EXACTLY where the narcissitic wants you. He, on the other hand, told me that his ex cheated on him (while she was living with him), lied to him, betrayed him, and stole from him (money, computer and other things) the day she packed up while he was at work and left. She then married the guy she was cheating with one week after she left my ex. I felt horrible for him...trying to imagine how painful that must have been. I can't even begin to count the times he told me how much he hated her, wouldn't spit on the best part of her, would NEVER take her back, and that he loved me deeply, more than he ever did her. Okay...August of last year we split up. I broke up with him for several reasons...caught him lying on several occasions, his possessiveness, his need to control, his jealousy, his accuasations, his need to "punish" me if I so much as looked at him wrong (would usually withhold sex and affection) and in general...was prone to play "head games" when things didn't go as HE wanted them to. Also, I got tired of him shoving MY concerns/wants/desires/feelings/needs on the back-burner because whatever his current focus was at the time ALWAYS came first. Talking to him did no good - only served to anger him in which I'd get doused with a lot of finger pointing and accuasations, followed by a "punishment," of course. Finally, I walked. Two weeks later, he called me and told me he missed me horribly, couldn't deal with the pain of losing me, and wanted to come over that night to "talk" about us and what he needed to do to "make it right." I was reluctant, told him I didn't think our relationship could be repaired, but he persisted...as he always did. Finally, I agreed to it. He came over, was VERY loving, affectionate, said all the right words, told me he loved me deeply...used everything he did in the early days to "hook" me. He spent the night and we made love...probably the most passionate love we've ever made during the course of our relationship. In the morning, we both had to go to work....hugged, kissed and said our goodbyes. He said he'd call me that night, which he did. However, he seemed somewhat distant, less enthused, and said he had to run and errand and would call me when he got home. That call never came, despite the fact that I called his house twice and left a message to call me as I was worried. It wasn't like him to not call when he said he would and I worried something happened to him. He's got heart problems (has had 2 heartaches in the past). Still...no call that night. The next day after work, I drove out to his house and noticed a strange truck parked in his driveway. His truck was gone. So I drove to the trucking yard he works for (he's a log truck driver) and noticed his logging truck was gone and his private truck was there, so I knew he was okay because he had gone to work. That's when it hit me....he didn't call because he had a woman at his house, which answered for the strange truck in his driveway. I remember it like it was yesterday...it was horrible! I shook, I felt sick to my stomach, thought I was going to throw up. I parked my car in the trucking yard where he couldn't see me and waited for his logging truck to pull in. When it did, I immediately drove up by his truck, got out of my car, and confronted him. I will never forget the look on his face...complete and utter shock. I told him I was worried about him so I came out to check on him and noticed a truck in his driveway. I told him I now knew why he didn't call me when he said he would....because he had a woman at his house. He immediately looked down and said..."I've never cheated on you when we were together." WTH????? As far as I knew, we were still together. I mean, he had just made love to me the night before, told me he loved me, wanted to "make it right," and now he's got a woman at his house????? I remember shaking so bad I could hardly stand...thought my legs were going to buckle from under me. I was holding a few items he left at my house and proceeded to throw those things at him, telling him that he was a lying, piece of sh*t and to not call me when his newest little fling didn't work out. With that, I got in my car and drove (like a maniac!) back to his house to confront this "new" woman, to tell her that he had spent the night with me the night before. I drove up and saw a woman run towards the kitchen and out of my sight. I got out of the car and beat on the door. When she peaked around the corner of the kitchen, I knew who she was immediately. The ex who lied to him, cheated on him, stole from him and married the guy she cheated with...and was STILL married to this guy, yet there she stood, in my ex's house!!! Mind you, this is the woman he said he hated, would NEVER take back....would was a druggie/drunk, unemployed, and had her children taken away for abuse/neglect...yet, I was casted aside like yesterday's trash the minute she tossed him a crumb! As you can well imagine, I was absolutely devastated. I told her he had spent the night with me and she was welcomed to my "leftovers." I then drove home in complete tears. At one point, I had to pull the car over because I was shaking so violently, thought I was going to throw up. I just couldn't quit crying. Actually, SOBBING is more like it. When I got home, there was a message on my answering machine from what sounded like her saying...."I'm calling for "B". He's decided to get back together with an ex and he won't be calling you anymore. Have a nice day." I can't even begin to tell you what that did to me. My God, I still hadn't processed the pain of what I had just seen, what I had just discovered...that I was dumped for a tramp like her, that I had been lied to and played for the past 10 months, and then to come home to a call like that! I went in to complete N/C. I wanted nothing more to do with him...ever. However, the pain of what he did stayed with me for a loooooong time. I honestly thought I'd NEVER get over it. I cried myself to sleep for months, only to wake in the morning and cry some more. I had no appetite and lost almost 25 lbs in less than 2 months. I isolated myself and didn't want to be around people. The rage of what was done to me filled my every fiber and I couldn't see past it. She left her husband, leaving him in the same pain as I was left in, and moved in with my ex. BUT - the entire time she lived there, he was calling my cell phone. Wouldn't say anything, just sit there quietly before hanging up. He made it an effort to drive past me everyday, waving at me each time. I always pretended as though I didn't see him. He was seen numerous times driving through my neighborhood. Even called my friends and my mother. He went as far as disguising his voice and called my cell phone pretending to be a guy named "Jesse." I continued to shun him. And all the while, she was living there with him. But while she was there, she was chasing her husband around town, leaving notes on his car, calling him, etc...just as my ex was me. Finally, 2 months after she moved in, my ex threw her out...saying he couldn't trust her. Ha! Pot calling the kettle black if you ask me! After she left, he continued to attempt making contact with me. Finally, this past May, we connected and talked for quite some time on the phone. I agreed to meet with him that following weekend. We talked and talked and talked about what happened, the devastation his actions left me in. His response? "I didn't think you really loved me. I thought you'd just move on and forget me. If I thought you loved me that much, I would have never done what I did." Sound familiar? Again, he attempted to side-step the horrible way HE treated me by shifting the blame MY way. Indicating that I didn't make him feel "loved," therefore, he didn't think it would be that big of a deal to me when he took his ex back. What...is he HIGH???? He has been through numerous "flings" with different women since his split with the ex last December. However, he continues to call my cell and sit silently, never leaving a message....in fact, just got another one 2 weeks ago. Apparently, he's hoping I'll call him back and give him a green light to barge into my life again. Yeah...when HELL freezes over!!! Yes, I loved him, but what he failed to understand is....I love MYSELF more. I will NEVER go back to him....never. I have recently met a man who I enjoy being around. He's very kind and a real joy to be with. Treats me very well and shows me a lot of respect. The relationship is in the early stages, so I'm taking things slow and see where it goes. I have MAJOR trust issues now after what my ex has put me through and will never again allow a man to sweep into my life with deceitful intentions, and then stomp on my heart as though it were a mere bug. I apologize for the length of this post, but if it helps shed some light on what you're now going through, and helps to give you the strength to severe all ties with this narcissistic creep, then it was well worth it. You will NEVER know love if you choose to remain in a relationship with a narcissistic. The most effective tool to protect yourself against one is...SELF LOVE. Walk away from him...NOW. Do NOT look back. Do NOT listen to anything he says...it's all fake, all designed for HIS needs. It's not about you, or his love for you...he isn't capable of loving. And really, don't you deserve more??? Yes, you do. Chin up, girl, and stay strong! ~T~
Author Aliddy Posted July 14, 2007 Author Posted July 14, 2007 Again, he attempted to side-step the horrible way HE treated me by shifting the blame MY way. Indicating that I didn't make him feel "loved," therefore, he didn't think it would be that big of a deal to me when he took his ex back. What...is he HIGH???? That is EXACTLY what he said to me the first time he went back to his EX ........ word for word........... This is my story............I would appreciate it if you could tell me if you think he is one .. I met a guy, 4 years ago, online, we began to see eath other, and believe me when I say he was without doubt the most amazing person you could ever meet, he made me feel so loved and wanted. He drove for 8 hours each w/e to be with me. Bought me a VERY expensive engagement ring, but I said it was simply to soon. But he moved in ....... However, within 6 months things started to go wrong, he became so obsessively jealous, towards not only people, but my time, he said " I dont wish to share you " and " if you leave me I will have to kill you ". We split up for 6 months, but within days of us spliting up, he was back with his ex girlfriend, who is 10 years older than him, and it seems will just wait for him to go back to her. I was devasted, so I tried everything to get him back, and within 6 months he was, however, this time, he did not bother to be Mr Romantic, infact I was the one who did everything, paid for everything, took him on holidays etc. etc. He became so moody, nothing was ever his fault, he acted like a child most of the time. In difficult situations, he would just walk out, it was not possible to discuss anything, as he believed he was blameless. If I dared say anything, he would just revert it to me, and I would again be the one in the wrong. It seemed that " sorry " was the word I used most. I became scared of him, it was like walking of egg shells.........he was forever complaining he had no money, but would not do anything to improve his employment status. He still lives with his parents ( he is 45 ) since his divorce 7 years ago, and says he cant afford to change that. He was always digging at me, as I earn a reasonable salary. I only ever spoke to his ex-wife once a long time ago ( not the ex-girlfriend ) and asked he why she just took the children and left overnight, without telling him where they were, and all she would say was " because he was a control freak " He would contradict me all the time, and tell bare faced lies, about things I know I did not say, so much so I began to question my own sanity. He even caused a huge row between my best friend and I, my friend is a male, and he ( the ex ) made up a whole story about something my friend had apparently said about me sleeping with guys from work WTF !!!! He kept this story up for weeks, but eventually as I would not leave it, admitted he made it up as he was worried I would leave him for someone at work and felt insecure...................so just said it !!!!! So 4 weeks ago, after we came back from holiday, I said to him, this cant go on, I am so unhappy, to which he simply walked out..................................... I didn't hear from him, so I wrote him a letter, to which he just said, that letter was unfair, why did you not send it a week earlier.....( we had only broken up 10 days previously ) and that he did not feel loved or secure...so.... I told him I loved him and I hurt............. He didn't reply, and then told me ( via email ) he never wanted me to contact him again !!!!!! I was stunned and in disbelief, he turned into a cold unfeeling person.......who cared nothing for my feeling at all. Then I find out he is back with the ex girlfriend again !!!! 6th time in 5 years, but she is the opposite of me, I have a career, house, ambission, ( apparently they like successful women )she is 55 and has no interest in anything ( but these things he resented me having ) So here I am, going over and over in my head, did I mean nothing, was it all a lie.......... One other thing, he had on his arm a tattoo of an Eagle ... and across that Eagle was his own name ??? Plus the pictures on his screen saver were ones he had taken of himself.... In the bedroom, at first he was the most incredible lover, so considerate, but that also changed, to where he didn't even speak to me and I felt used and abused. He enjoyed humiliating me ............ God .... I am so so glad I joined these threads......
Author Aliddy Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 Well here we are day 17 of N/C and I have actually been thinking " its been a month since we broke up " so maybe I should start going out again. Then last night, I saw he was online all night ( he did not see me as I have him blocked ) so I had this awful feeling, that maybe he has fallen out with her, as to be online all night on a Saturday is strange !!!! Now you would think that thought would of made me extremely happy, but it didn't. I felt a panic, that I cant describe......... I did not want to see his name and had absolutely no inclination to speak to him at all....... Infact, if I am honest, I felt quite sorry for him ......... Now this is wierd, I can't understand what has happended, and why the thought of him trying to contact me fills me with dread....... He logged off, then came back on at 1.00am, the only reason, he ever used to be online was to talk to me...............which he could not, as I said, I have blocked him........( which he wont know ) Can anyone advise me, what has happened to me and my feeling for him..................................
funkybassplayer Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Dont even go there A, the same thing happened with me, but i sighned off quick. He was proberbly chatting to mates or his G/F. No contact is just that, and that means staying off msn, or deleat him compleatly. This can put you right back with thoughts and stuff from the good that you have done. Similar happened to me when i sent back her stuff, no note. on that day she logged on and she knows im on it then. i logged off. That was 5 weeks now, and i have not been on at those times. I think she is happy in her relationship, and i never let my self think anything else. Even to see thier name in green will make you think stuff. Dont, just think of you and your healing. !7 days is good, dont let anything put that hard work back to day 1!
Chinook Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 This is my story............I would appreciate it if you could tell me if you think he is one. From what you describe, if it is a fair and honest assessment of the situation, then yes I would say he either is narcissistic or he has strong narcissistic character traits. Either way it really doesn't matter any more. The fact is that he is wrong for you and this relationship you have been tied to is toxic. As has been said previously, the person who was presented to you in the first two months, does not exist. He never did exist. He's a good showman and a good interpretor of your emotions and desires...much better than you ever will be yourself. Now...here's the kicker. You have this information to do with whatever you will. If you allow it, this cycle will continue. I don't agree with funky (for a change!) I think he was online to see if you were around. I think you should trust your instincts, maybe things aren't going so well with the new squeeze because lets face it, if it were...he wouldn't be online so late. So, in my opinion the ONLY way to not deal with this guy is to delete him. Why is he still on your MSN..? You don't need to tell me this but just ask yourself why. He isn't ever going to give you what you need, either in a relationship or in a friendship. You cannot be friends with this guy because he will always try to manipulate you and pull things to his advantage. Also, something for you to consider...you will have major trust issues with other people and I don't just mean romantic interests. I mean EVERYONE. I myself am finding I am close to a guy at work. We've been really good friends for 4 years and he's been looking out for me recently. But, I find myself thinking 'what's in it for him..? Why..?' and I can't help it. So what you actually have happen is... due to the IMPACT of the pain and devastation of this relationship, it makes YOU very self-centred....not unlike the narcissist. How unfair and horrible is that...? Very. But nevertheless true. In addition to that, you find yourself in situations where you COULD feel things, but don't. Any ability you have for feeling is destroyed. Currently, my friend R is hanging in there with me. He likes me and previously I have liked him (yes, in a romantic sense) but neither of us has ever done anything about it. Now, I'm in the situ where all the obstacles were cleared and I can do something about it....but any ability I had to FEEL is gone. It may only need time. But I really think that part of me is damaged. I didn't know this until this week. I'm so scared I'm going to be narcissistic too and you know what, I have no clue how to avoid it. That's the horrible part. I have told R this is where it is. It's too soon. But I'm so worried that I've been so hurt that my future now becomes all about me, to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. That's the legacy of the narcissist and this morning, I find myself hating someone I loved so dearly for doing this to me. I have never hated anyone in my life. Never. Until now. Plus, the final kicker is... it sounds like your guy really doesn't have a clue. My guy...? I think he knew what and who he was. I think he knew purposely what he was doing just by some things he said and did recently. That's the amazing thing... he never loved, never gave, never shared. All of it was fake. Just to get me to adore him. It worked. For a while.
Chinook Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Oh also, my story (or some of it) is here. Bits and pieces keep coming back to me again and again to reinforce my view. I had some pretty good advice on that thread. I've taken that advice. I've severed contact completely. The reason I severed contact is because like you Aliddy, I had the gut instinct that my ex would at some point try to contact me. I didn't know how or why I knew that. I just do know that. I have that same dread feeling in my gut and I know that I'm vulnerable to his charm. I know that I still deep down, feel very deeply for the person I thought he was...so if THAT person turns up, I won't have any defences... he knows that. So I have taken the following steps, so he can't contact me at all: deleted his MSN, Yahoo & Skype IDs.blocked all his known email addresses at work and at home.changed my mobile phone number and sent the phone he gave me, complete with destroyed SIM, back to him.deleted his mobile number from my phone so I can't dial it (but I have it recorded in my paper address book so that if he gets the number via friends and calls me, I can check the number)we both are in the same running club and members of the club forum. I resigned my membership of both aspects of that side of my social life so that I don't have any contact with him.I have asked my friends and family if he contacts them, not to talk about me, not to refer to me at all. If he asks they're to tell him I asked them not to talk to him about me.As far as I can tell, I have done as much as I can to shut him out of my life. But I still have that niggling feeling that he's there and he's going to try it on. I didn't catch him cheating exactly, I caught him lying about stuff though. I didn't know for sure that he was cheating but I felt pretty sure that he was with some of the things he was saying and doing. So I know when things go pear-shaped with him, he may try me again. We'll see. For now...my guard is up and it is well and truly reinforced and fortified. I hate that I am now this way, but it's a case of survival.
Author Aliddy Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 Hi Chinook You are completely right, I know the ONLY reason he was online, was to see if I was there, he does not and never has used it for any other reason. He is still on my " buddy list " why ...... because if I am honest, it was a way I could see if he was with her !!! So I have now deleted him. Like you, it is the person I thought I knew, in the first few months, that worries me, the b******d he became, I have no interest in ever seeing again. But I know him, and his patterns, he will try to contact me again, he always does, as he can't bear loosing control over me. I have since, you advised me of Narcissium, joined an online support group for people, like me who have been victims, and reading their posts, is like reading my own story.......................... I wont be a victim, and now, I dont dread putting my mobile on for fear of s***ty voicemail, as I didnt answer his call, if I was at work, I can wear what I like in bed, without him in a mood, if I wore a T shirt, I can see who I like, when I like, without worrying what he will do or say................ I need to remember, those people, feed on us we are their source of supply, they are addicts and love any emotion, even our pain............................................. The one thing the simply cant stand ..... INDIFFERENCE ......... Suzanne :-)
Tirai Posted July 27, 2007 Posted July 27, 2007 Now, I'm in the situ where all the obstacles were cleared and I can do something about it....but any ability I had to FEEL is gone. It may only need time. But I really think that part of me is damaged. I didn't know this until this week. I'm so scared I'm going to be narcissistic too and you know what, I have no clue how to avoid it. That's the horrible part. I have told R this is where it is. It's too soon. But I'm so worried that I've been so hurt that my future now becomes all about me, to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. Baby, it will come back. You have paid attention to it, u dont wanna be like that -so, believe me. You are damaged now, it takes time to heal -give yourself the time. If u break a leg u dont expect yourself to run a marathon right away do u? It's the same with feelings. It is and should be all about you right now, what if u even get a bit shameless about it, pampering and being the sweetest thing to the most meaningful person in your life - yourself take care, very good care, and i mean it! T
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