loquaciousl Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Hi there. So I posted last week or so about this guy I am into. I had specified that a "worry" of mine is that he is a shuttle driver for a living and he lives at home. I received a number of responses which I appreciated, but when it comes down to it I think I was just scared of my feelings and looking for something to find faulty with him. Now don't get me wrong, these are things to look at if we become more serious, but really, I have ascertained why I was so "uptight" about that. Anyhow, the problem I am having now is that I think I've got it bad. I cannot stop thinking of this man. He is sweet, loving, understanding, patient, caring, and most of all I feel safe with him. We have been dating a month and next week he wants me to meet his son, who is 8. I have no problem with that. But what I do have a problem with is that I feel like I am falling for him hook line and sinker because of the way I feel when I am with him and the intimacy we've obtained in such a short time. I feel close to him when we are together. He reciprocates emotions and provides the sensitivity I need. However, the issue I am having is that I am so scared of falling in love again. I have made an assortment of bad choices in the past, and feel I have learned from them. However, I am so annoyed with myself because I just feel frightened, and that he might reject me, and/or change his mind about me. Now, I know these feelings belie low self esteem. In some ways, in regards to relationships, I do have low self esteem because I have chosen to be around emotionally unavailable men, and have been a person who chooses to be with men who I know can't reciprocate back. Thus far, he does, and that's wonderful....but the thing I am having a hard time with is that I am not really sleeping that well and can't seem to get him off of my mind. My heart, gut, and head are in this, which almost never happens. This week he has a platonic girlfriend visiting from KS...which is great. I have heard from him a few times but am aware that he has company for the week, so I've gotten a few emails/texts from him telling me he can't wait to see me and he's thinking of me. However, stupid insecure thoughts pass through my head, like, what if he and this girl are hooking up? He says it's not like that with them and I do believe him but at the same time I am annoyed that the thought is crossing my mind at all. You see? I feel like once I care about someone I become this insecure ninny that I don't want to be. He doesn't know I feel this way, I do a good job of keeping it on the down low; I try not to let my insecurities show. I guess the thought is, how do I maintain a level state of mind? I enjoy his company and I care about him...but damn it's really distracting when someone is on your mind the way he is....I can't shake him although I try. I want to be as healthy as possible but don't know how.
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not abnormal to think about someone a lot when you're going through the honeymoon stage of your relationship. If you've found someone who you can connect with on all three levels, I think you should relax and enjoy it. If you're feeling a little insecure, what's to stop you from calling him to chat for a few minutes, possibly suggesting some time together. Is it so wrong to let him know you've been thinking about him a little bit?
jcster Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Level state of mind? This is LOVE baby!!!! There's no such thing. Not sleeping? Perfectly normal. Can't eat? Definitely a symptom. Stop analyzing and start enjoying it! This doesn't happen all the time. Go on, be a freak - be in LOVE!!!
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