Butterflying Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Is there anything in life that you don't have to fight for? Anything that just exist without any effort from you, and it makes you happy? I love my job, my man, my family, and my life. But there is competition for all of it. Constantly, I compete with collegues for my job. I compete with other women for my man. I compete with other relatives in my family. All of this competition is wearing me down. It's to a point now where I just want to stop "trying" to hold everything together. But I'm afraid that if I do, I will lose everything that's important to me. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you handle it?
squeak Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Wow, good post, I was just thinking about this. It seems to get harder every year, a new stone gets added to the already heavy weight. I have no pockets of comfort except the ones I share with my friends and/or pets. It is the only time I am not looking over my shoulder. I hate it, is it just a mindset? I feel so much pressure to look tip top so other girls won't think "ugh why is he with her-I can get him" , sometimes I don't want to go out at all. And with jobs too, my performance and appearance. Being born a woman was the worst thing that happened to me, a man will never know what it is like to be evaluated by appearance first and foremost. A woman's accomplishments? Almost meaningless outside of her own world. Just be pretty and witty and oh yeah you have a shelf life and have kids but oh if you don't keep in shape hubby will look elsewhere. I think as a woman you can't win. Are you too much into your career? Then you lose out on quality of life. Taking care of kids-usually falls more on the woman. Want to have a career and a family-good luck if you are not one of the independently wealthy women-one or the other will suffer. Want to choose just the career? Oh-hubby feels neglected, enter his secretary mid life affair. Are you a stay at home mom-chose the kids? Oh-now you are not interesting enough , enter affair with his co-worker. Are you both? Exhausted? Worn out? Now all you do is complain, too much pressure. Maybe it is the mindset which is poisonous, all the best athletes only compete with themselves. It is utterly miserable to be so aware of the competition. I hate it. I don't have any real advice...get a pet?
Curmudgeon Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Does anyone else have this problem? How do you handle it? Back in my younger days (MUCH younger) I came to the conclusion that if I had to "fight" for a woman she wasn't worth having. If she didn't choose me outright then whomever else she was considering was welcome to her. Some years later I came to the conclusion that toxic family members, no matter how closely related, were not worth my time or effort. There were more pleasant people around to be with. As for my profession, I'm good at what I do. In fact, I'm excellent. Let them compete. It won't help them! I guess the bottom line is, I have no fear. Of course, I'm old!
squeak Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Maybe it is supposed to be like this, the cave men and animals aren't so different from the way we are now, except there is the internet and more technology. Work harder, faster, be stronger, not good enough, better better every day. Maybe just getting more competitive every day is the only way. Up the ante, don't think it is supposed to be any different, just accept it??
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Is there anything in life that you don't have to fight for? Anything that just exist without any effort from you, and it makes you happy? I love my job, my man, my family, and my life. But there is competition for all of it. Constantly, I compete with collegues for my job. I compete with other women for my man. I compete with other relatives in my family. All of this competition is wearing me down. It's to a point now where I just want to stop "trying" to hold everything together. But I'm afraid that if I do, I will lose everything that's important to me. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you handle it? Great question. In my experience, nothing comes without struggle, and everything requires work to maintain it. As far as competition is concerned - it's just the simple principle of scarcity and demand. What is valued is always in demand, and you have competition. Nobody competes for undesirable things - you won't see people getting in line for getting that latest version of the 'flu. I know, the constant competition and stuggle gets tiring, even unnerving at times. But without it, life would be boring. We would have nothing to challenge ourselves with, nothing to pin our hopes on getting. Anything that comes too easy, doesn't make us as happy as something that we've worked for, does. This is perhaps life's way of keeping us busy.
squeak Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 All so true. I notice women, in general, operate more from a place of fear, motivated by preventive measures, control. Men seem to ignore that more unhealthy aspect of the motivating force. They just do stuff because it is fun, and let the chips fall where they may. I want to be more like men in that regard.
squeak Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Fear is the killer, fear is the little death. It requires modification of thoughts....which means...yup you guessed it-more trying, more effort. An effort to not be fearful, an effort to enjoy the process. I guess all good things DO need to be worked hard on.
Author Butterflying Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 I guess I'm just feeling like I need some down time. I need a moment where I don't have to do "anything" to keep what I have worked so hard to obtain. I need some time to actually sit back and be proud of my career. I just want to love my man without worrying about who loves him more than I do. I want to love my family without being compared to someone else. If I could have just a moment, I would be okay. Right now I'm on a visious cycle that seems to never end. And I'm wondering, is it worth it?
spookie Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Heh, what a depressing post. I constantly feel like this too, especially when it comes to relationships, and in my experience, as soon as you relax the men leave. In my last relationship, I was going through a transitional period for a couple of months when I didn't know which direction I was going to take my life. I also gained 10 pounds. My boyfriend left. I was getting less fun to be around I guess, and he told me he wanted someone more independent (something I was working on). Why stay when you can have a newer, younger/hotter, stress-free version at the clap of your hands? I'm sorry if I sound bitter, but this just hit so close to home. I spent the last two months blaming myself for letting some things slide.
lonelybird Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I used to worry a lot, but now if I worry, I just pray, cast out every burden to Lord, and then leave the consequences to God, and enjoy life . I feel like I don't carry anything on my shoulder, all are on Lord's:p
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I guess I'm just feeling like I need some down time. I need a moment where I don't have to do "anything" to keep what I have worked so hard to obtain. I need some time to actually sit back and be proud of my career. I just want to love my man without worrying about who loves him more than I do. I want to love my family without being compared to someone else. If I could have just a moment, I would be okay. Right now I'm on a visious cycle that seems to never end. And I'm wondering, is it worth it? That is definitely the big question - "Is it worth it?" Some things are worth it, some not. And it's not always easy to tell the difference. You seem like you're jaded right now, Butterflying. You need some time off. A vacation, perhaps? And sometimes, a helping hand is much appreciated too. It's easy to be overwhelmed when you feel like you're going through this alone. Perhaps your BF / husband should be sharing the responsibility a bit. At least in relationships, it helps so much to know that the other person is also making an effort. You shouldn't be constantly under the pressure to keep you man. I've seen that having that aspect of your life steady, will make so many things fall into place and easier to cope with.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I used to worry a lot, but now if I worry, I just pray, cast out every burden to Lord, and then leave the consequences to God, and enjoy life . I feel like I don't carry anything on my shoulder, all are on Lord's:p Wow, Lonely bird. I wish I could do that too. Sadly, the Lord just dishes it right back to me...He wants me to handle it and go through it all
lonelybird Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Wow, Lonely bird. I wish I could do that too. Sadly, the Lord just dishes it right back to me...He wants me to handle it and go through it all handle it with unnecessary burdens and handle it without burdens are different. the latter you can do the best:). Worries are unnecessary burdens.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 handle it with unnecessary burdens and handle it without burdens are different. the latter you can do the best:). Worries are unnecessary burdens. I know...I agree.
Trialbyfire Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Is there anything in life that you don't have to fight for? Anything that just exist without any effort from you, and it makes you happy? I love my job, my man, my family, and my life. But there is competition for all of it. Constantly, I compete with collegues for my job. I compete with other women for my man. I compete with other relatives in my family. All of this competition is wearing me down. It's to a point now where I just want to stop "trying" to hold everything together. But I'm afraid that if I do, I will lose everything that's important to me. Does anyone else have this problem? How do you handle it? Okay, you have a number of issues to address. Competition is like a spice. If you add too much, it can be distasteful. Competing at work is a given unless you're willing to move on and find another job that requires less drive. Make sure you're not battling with yourself over what makes you happy. Remember, achievements can be meaningless if you're doing them for someone else's expectations, societal, family or otherwise. Competing at love, that's something to resolve. If you feel you have to constantly compete for your man's affection, it's time to look at your relationship. Is he giving you enough reassurance or affirmation of caring, so you feel secure? Take a hard look at this aspect. No doubt there will always be a little healthy jealousy in each relationship. Nothing wrong with that. If it's stressing you out, it's an issue that should be dealt with sooner, rather than later. Is it you, him or the relationship in general. Why are you competing with family? These are people you should be relaxing with. Are there familial expectations you're attempting to meet? If so, are they reasonable? No wonder you're stressed out. You're allowing life to overwhelm you. Take it apart into composite pieces and attack each one until you feel that stress level slowly dissipating to an acceptable level.
Kwo-ne'-she Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Back in my younger days (MUCH younger) I came to the conclusion that if I had to "fight" for a woman she wasn't worth having. If she didn't choose me outright then whomever else she was considering was welcome to her. Some years later I came to the conclusion that toxic family members, no matter how closely related, were not worth my time or effort. There were more pleasant people around to be with. Agree on both things. You should not have to "fight" to keep your love. Work at the R, yes. But compete? No. And the toxic family members hits very close to home for me. Just because they are blood kin and you love them, doesn't mean you have to like or tolerate them.
Recommended Posts