greengoddess Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I know many think he has things wrong with him, it looks that way, but maybe its with his relationship? He is a very levelheaded normal individual who met me and now has got in a pickle because he likes me - something he never foresaw? I hope that doesnt make him an alround bad character.. BEEX comments appreciated. Normal levelheaded individuals do not get into a pickle soon after being married because they LIKE SOMEONE and didn't foresee it. Married people can have loads of friends but they do not go FARTHER than that because they LIKE someone. They make a commitment in marriage and stick to it. They don't keep looking to see who they may like better. Nothing is normal about this. Seriously ask his wife.
Seen_It_All Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Oh my goodness. I remember being 21 and thinking I knew what I was doing. Of course, I didn't have some 34 year old predator taking advantage of me because he KNEW young girls are naive and easily led. But he knows that about you, doesn't he? He saw the opportunity to get himself some 'young stuff' (a coup for most lying predators like him) and he jumped on it. Hey that's a GREAT idea you mentioned - tell him NO MORE SEX until the divorce papers are in his hand. AND STICK TO IT. Of course, cheaters like this skuz are a dime a dozen. I can already predict how this will go: you tell Mr. Predator that there will be NO MORE SEX until he's divorced. He'll step up the heat - telling you that he's falling for you, that he'll be talking to his wife next week/next month/next Christmas about separating, that you're his 'soulmate,' that he can't live without you, and that his heart will break if you turn your back on him WHIILE HE'S GETTING HIS DUCKS ALL IN ORDER (please...such bullsh*t). He'll have you believing that if you just give it a little time, the 'prize' will be yours. Then, of course, you'll start giving him sex again. That's when you'll start hearing the excuses about how things at home are 'taking longer than he thought,' or that his wife has threatened to commit suicide if he leaves her, or he JUST found out she's pregnant and he can't leave, or she was just given the news she has cancer and he can't leave her now or he'd be a jerk, and all the other routine lies these losers spew when they DON'T INTEND TO DO SQUAT. Or maybe the price for a little tail simply isn't worth trying to keep all the lies straight and he might, instead, simply find another young victim to use. In either event, he's a slimebag of the highest order. Go ahead, call his wife. Let this poor woman know what she REALLY bought a year ago, before she gets stuck to this pig with his kids. You're only 21. You have a whole lifetime to find a DECENT man with CHARACTER and INTEGRITY. Admittedly, there aren't many left in this world, but if you dig deep enough, you'll find one. This guy is NOT it. He's a lying, cheating predator whose bragging to his poker buddy that he's tapping the young dumb 21 year old at work. Trust me. He is.
child_of_isis Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I have a feeling if she went to his house, she would find out wifey is pregnant.
norajane Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I have not fallen for him yet - I know that much. I haven't definately, yet. If I did not make myself clear - I mean to say I could do, if things progress, sorry! First of all, don't fool yourself. You have fallen for him: I do think of him alot. I can't wait to see him I know how you feel - the hiding, the leaving - the real real sadness when he has to go. And if that doesn't tell you that you've fallen for him, this should: I have always said - I would never ever become an OW- its wrong - but here I am, and I can now really understand why As happen, when you meet someone and you both develop to being very attracted...For you to abandon your own principles to get involved with someone who has made a lifetime commitment to someone else, means that you have fallen for him. If you hadn't fallen for him, you wouldn't have stepped over your own line between what is right and wrong. I know many think he has things wrong with him, it looks that way, but maybe its with his relationship? He is a very levelheaded normal individual who met me and now has got in a pickle because he likes me - something he never foresaw? I hope that doesnt make him an alround bad character..It makes him a cheater and a liar, a man who lies every day to the woman he committed to. While that doesn't make him an all around bad guy - he might not kick dogs and small children, and he probably hasn't robbed a bank recently - but that certainly does point to a character that is capable of deception, duplicity, betrayal, lying and hiding - all to satisfy his selfish needs at the expense of someone who trusts him, believes in him, and has committed to spending her life with him. If he can do that to his wife, it does not speak well of his character. Nor does it speak well of his character that he has now dragged YOU into his issues, whatever they are. If he cared about you instead of his own selfish needs, he would not be willing to put you through this. And don't fool yourself into thinking that fighting for you happiness means wasting years of your life on a man who is married, and who has broken his vows within a year of his marriage (if indeed, this is really the first time he's cheated on his wife).
whichwayisup Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Even if you two DID end up together, how long would it be before you starting wondering if he was cheating on you? Look at it this way, the woman he said VOWS to, infront of their family and friends has LIED and BETRAYED his wife, his marriage vows after a year of marriage!!! This man that you're having an affair with is in it for himself. He now has a wife, a home, all the security that marriage brings - And, he has you. For fun times, excitement, etc..... Do NOT believe what he says - His marriage sucks? He's lying to you. If it sucked so much, why not just end it before more time goes on? He has lied to his wife, so don't fool yourself into believing that he won't lie to you as well. He is selfish and only thinking of himself. If he truely loved you and wanted a life with you 'now', then he would do all that is necessary 'now' to make it happen. He hasn't....His actions (meaning he's still at home, with his wife, living with her) tell you that his words do not match what he is saying. Take a step back, read lots of posts in this section and try to detach yourself abit...I think you'll see that alot of what others are trying to tell you...You just gotta take the blinders off and see the full picture.
brownsugah Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I think I would step back from dating this guy until he settles this wife business. I mean he said he's not unhappy in his relationship, which to me is a signal that he has no plans to leave at all. Perhaps he is going through a mid life crisis and thinks its cool for him to bang some younger girl. Or maybe he's always been a cheater. Cheating after one year of marriage would send off a red flag to me. I'm in my 20s as well and I believe the mistakes we make now affect our entire life. If you put a lot into this and don't get a happy ending you may be scarred or left bitter. Please look out for your emotional health and well being. And because you are starting out so young, please do not start a pattern of being the other woman and never the wife.
Author beautifulbee Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 Oh my goodness. I remember being 21 and thinking I knew what I was doing. Of course, I didn't have some 34 year old predator taking advantage of me because he KNEW young girls are naive and easily led. But he knows that about you, doesn't he? He saw the opportunity to get himself some 'young stuff' (a coup for most lying predators like him) and he jumped on it. Hey that's a GREAT idea you mentioned - tell him NO MORE SEX until the divorce papers are in his hand. AND STICK TO IT. Of course, cheaters like this skuz are a dime a dozen. I can already predict how this will go: you tell Mr. Predator that there will be NO MORE SEX until he's divorced. He'll step up the heat - telling you that he's falling for you, that he'll be talking to his wife next week/next month/next Christmas about separating, that you're his 'soulmate,' that he can't live without you, and that his heart will break if you turn your back on him WHIILE HE'S GETTING HIS DUCKS ALL IN ORDER (please...such bullsh*t). He'll have you believing that if you just give it a little time, the 'prize' will be yours. Then, of course, you'll start giving him sex again. That's when you'll start hearing the excuses about how things at home are 'taking longer than he thought,' or that his wife has threatened to commit suicide if he leaves her, or he JUST found out she's pregnant and he can't leave, or she was just given the news she has cancer and he can't leave her now or he'd be a jerk, and all the other routine lies these losers spew when they DON'T INTEND TO DO SQUAT. Or maybe the price for a little tail simply isn't worth trying to keep all the lies straight and he might, instead, simply find another young victim to use. In either event, he's a slimebag of the highest order. Go ahead, call his wife. Let this poor woman know what she REALLY bought a year ago, before she gets stuck to this pig with his kids. You're only 21. You have a whole lifetime to find a DECENT man with CHARACTER and INTEGRITY. Admittedly, there aren't many left in this world, but if you dig deep enough, you'll find one. This guy is NOT it. He's a lying, cheating predator whose bragging to his poker buddy that he's tapping the young dumb 21 year old at work. Trust me. He is. Thanks for the post. I have read all of them from the beginning again and ones past this - this just stood out the most. When I read them I feel ill. I have now idea why I have got myself it to this?
child_of_isis Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Let me give you a glimpse of your future. This will be a normal ongoing everyday conversation with your MM: U: I wish the earth wouldn't spin today. I am already dizzy. MM: The earth doesn't spin. It can't. It's flat. U: No, it is not flat, it is round. MM: No. It is not. It is flat. U: Really? MM: Yep! U: So, everyone who is telling me the earth is round is wrong? MM: Yep! Eventually, you become convinced the earth is flat. Until one day...maybe 10 years down the pike you wake up and realize that you were right and the earth is indeed round.
Melissa277 Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Let me give you a glimpse of your future. This will be a normal ongoing everyday conversation with your MM: U: I wish the earth wouldn't spin today. I am already dizzy. MM: The earth doesn't spin. It can't. It's flat. U: No, it is not flat, it is round. MM: No. It is not. It is flat. U: Really? MM: Yep! U: So, everyone who is telling me the earth is round is wrong? MM: Yep! Eventually, you become convinced the earth is flat. Until one day...maybe 10 years down the pike you wake up and realize that you were right and the earth is indeed round. OMG. Now that is funny ... true, but still funny. LOL! Sorry, beautiful, I know it's not what you want to hear, but that is right on.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Eventually, you become convinced the earth is flat. Until one day...maybe 10 years down the pike you wake up and realize that you were right and the earth is indeed round. I'll take this a step further. What happens when you realize that you were right and the earth is round???? THEN you realize the ULTIMATE betrayal. Realizing that YOU have betrayed yourself... that is dificult, hell people here are still in p ain after the fact saying why did he do this and why did he do that and I can't let go of the pain until I understand. What they are looking for is the answer to "how could I have allowed myself to believe the lies and the fantasy of someone else enough to betray my own mind just because I needed to feel loved?". "How could I not love myself enough to believe what my mind was telling me? I KNEW these things, I'm a smart woman, when did I stop believing in myself?" That's when you wake up and realize that you are your worst enemy and you can't get away from yourself.
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