kenfrance Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I am sure what I have to say has been said often on this site. Yet I am new to love shack and I guess need the advice of others who have been through marital problems. My wife left me and my four kids after Hurricane Katrina. We lost everything in the storm, literally. All that was left was a slab of concrete. I thought she was just depressed and would return. I gave her the space and time she needed. Yet she became more and more distant while all the while rebuilding her wardrobe with very nice, fashionable clothes. I am pretty sure she was having an affair, but I kept quiet so as to not bring more trauma and stress to the family. I failed to mention that my wife is Brazilian. We met when I was down in Brazil working with street kids. We had two kids, she already had one and we adopted one. She was somewhat shy when we moved up here because she could not speak English. Anyway, she abandoned us after the storm and was staying "wherever" she could find a place. She aid she wanted to separate and that she no longer loved me. In fact she told me she hated me. She showed up occasionally to see the kids and we always ended up arguing. I felt it all slipping away. I loved her-- I still do even after all the infidelity and mistreatment. Recently she went to visit her family in Brazil and she had plastic surgery using our money we got from the government after Katrina. She said she used her share only ( the money is in a CD which is in her name. I can't touch. She assures me my half is still there although I doubt it. Anyway, she returned and in the interim she lost her rented apartment and asked if she could stay with me for a few weeks while she looked for a house and recovered from surgery. I could not send my kids mother on the street-- plus I did not want them to think that I kicked her. I want them to see that it was her decision to leave again. Yet this is hard. She goes out in the evenings rather then spend time with the kids. I confronted her gently but to no avail. I am just getting myself hurt all over again with my expectations of a reconciliation. I thought her decision to stay here was a symbol but within days she started talking about legal action. Yes, hurt and confused. I know it is time to move on but it is so hard. I thin about the kids. I fear losing them even though the evidence is clear that she walked out and has basically partied her way through the past two years. I also fear traumatizing the kids-- especially the little ones who are ages 6 and 7. Last comment-- I have become so jealous just thinking about her with others. I am not a jealous type so this is new. It is a jealousy mixed with sadness and despair. Any advice or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.
notspiritual Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 It is a woman’s nature to leave a man when he cannot provide anymore. Like most women, all that your wife wanted was to have kids and your money to raise them. Now that you’ve lost your financial situation, she is leaving you. Most women only want the easy ride, when life gets tough they will chase other dicks. Don’t blame yourself; you did not know the true nature of most women, that is why you decided to get married. Women have absolutely no value to men except to get fu**ed. So, don’t even drop a tear for this fake-boob bitch. My first suggestion is to protect your asset, grab all the money you can and hide it. Don’t give a damn about this walking pussy, there will be other in your life.
Gunny376 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 It is a woman’s nature to leave a man when he cannot provide anymore. Like most women, all that your wife wanted was to have kids and your money to raise them. Now that you’ve lost your financial situation, she is leaving you. Most women only want the easy ride, when life gets tough they will chase other dicks. Don’t blame yourself; you did not know the true nature of most women, that is why you decided to get married. Women have absolutely no value to men except to get fu**ed. So, don’t even drop a tear for this fake-boob bitch. My first suggestion is to protect your asset, grab all the money you can and hide it. Don’t give a damn about this walking pussy, there will be other in your life. While true enough ~ all too often enough ~ this isn't an absolute for any and all women NS. The trick is to find one that's has morals, honor, ethics, who's willing to put others before themselves to include their children and husbands. Not ALL women are selfish, self-centered, manipulative, using and abusing bitches like the women you and I were married to. You and I just didn't know enough to know what we were and weren't looking for. Now we do! Their out there NS ~ go get you one!
funkybassplayer Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 what a sad story, i really feel for you, but as the guy above said lose this bitch, she sounds horrid, and has no feelings at all. Get to the loyer first, try and gather as much proof as you can, and keep your money safe.
funkybassplayer Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 . You and I just didn't know enough to know what we were and weren't looking for. Now we do! ! That is so true and you can use a bad exp. to learn from and know what you want, i do now, i had one of those as a g/f, i was lucky enough to keep my wits and not sell my house to move in with her and buy her husband out. Soon after she ended it!
quankanne Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 It is a woman’s nature to leave a man when he cannot provide anymore. grrrrrr ... *grinds teeth* do not think that all women are like this, ken, but rather see it as a defective gene that comes to light in some PEOPLE when the going gets tough. Instead of trying to be part of the solution, they impound the problem through their behavior. Though to be honest, if you met your wife in a foreign country and brought her children over, she may have been playing you the whole time to get her into the country. And that's a crappy thing to do to someone ... your heart still tells you that you're a couple, but reality tells you otherwise, and in your case, you need to ignore your heart because I don't think you're going to get your marriage back. She's just selfish enough to make you think so, but she's only doing it to use you for her needs. Because if her heart were in this marriage, you'd have gotten an apology and an offer to go to counselling so you two could heal the rift caused by her behavior. for your children's sake, and for your own mental well-being, it's probably time to get out of this marriage. By no means am I pro-divorce, but I know that it's not right to stay in an unhealthy relationship for ANY reason. You should be in a marriage with someone who is going to help you fight your battles, and willing to step up to slay dragons if that's what is needed, not a fair-weather partner. your kids already know something isn't right because their mom isn't there – your responsibility is to encourage them to love her, but to also accept that she doesn't want to be part of the family. Not an easy thing to do, but it beats lying to them, because they'll remember that you lied, not that she didn't want them. do you have anyone – relatives, close friends, etc – who can be there for you in real life as you go through this?
poobee34 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Are you serious nonspiritual? My exhusband had no money for the 17 years we were together so we are not apart for financial reasons. And I am not the only woman that thinks of a man's bank balance is number one, but you must think that the only assest women have is their walking pussy? Kenfrance, for some reason women and men like to think they can possess a new life and justifying it with all the bad things in their lives, twisiting truths so they don't have any guilt and just moving on. I like to think that they really do love us but that is further than the truth, their true love is themselves. Don't sugar coast all the bad in your relationship, be honest and you will soon see that it was not a perfect marriage to start with. I wrote down 10 things I hated about my ex then on another piece of paper 10 things I loved about him.I found it easy to write the 10 things I hated and could of kept going but truthfully, found it hard to find 10 things I loved/liked about him. So now instead on focusing about him doing this and that with whoever , I focus on every negative in my relationship to ensure that my love for him will disappear. i have 4 kids and they see the pain and hurt he is putting me through and see what he is really like now, so he is getting his karma is that way. Mourn and cry for the lost relationship but don't let her rule you.I suggest you kick her out and you see a lawyer to see your rights, she is being the dominant one and knows to manipulate you. Is alife of sadness and misery worth it just so she stays with you? No way. Not all women are nasty, walking pussy's who need financial gain and one day you will find true love again. Life is a one way ticket, no return
Gunny376 Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 I know your hurting Bro, in the worse kind of way ~ but seriously for you own mental, emotional, and physical health ~ and that of your children ~ the best thing you can do is to just let her go. Yea, she's crazy for leaving ~ and you've told her so ~ but really all you can do is just ~ Man ~ let her go! She's in party mode ~ and when people get in that mode ~ there's no reasoning with them. She using you and probally has been for quite sometime now. Probally has been from the beginning. I've seen it time and time again when a Marine marries a forgein national ~ all they were wanting was to be taken to the land of the Big PX. Once they get here and have established a legitimate claim to staying here ~ they dump you like a bad habit. You got the double whammy having gone through all the stress of Katrina. During such times, it can be mentally and emotionally challenging ~ and a lot of women will dump their men ~ because their not acting 100% Alpha-male taking care of businsess as they think they should. That and its part their reatciton to the stress. But, to be honest? I think she's just wanting to find her some "strange" azz! Its not you! Its just her wanting to go out and scrogg someone different ~ that is to say I would be willing to gamble that she's peaking sexually, and lacks the self discipline, self-control, comprehension to control her sexual appetitite. A lot of woman go through this ~ recognize it for what it is, and deal with it by subscribing to morals, values, and staying true to their vows. But to be honest there's still a lot of ignorance and stupidity when it comes to human sexuality. Especially when it comes to women's sexuality. You come across as being the more mature and responsible individual of the two. As such ~ I doubt that you've little worry of losing your children. She doesn't exactally sound like she's in "Mommy-mode" ______________________________________________________________ NS ~ Come on Bro. You're not even divorced yet! And, I've got a lot of respect for your words, and hold your opinion in high regard ~ you bring a lot to the LS community. Your obviously highly educated, and intellegent! But for real! Look at the women that belong to LS ~ Lady Jane, Too Tall Legs, Dggril, Mamamax and many other of the ladies of LS ~ these aren't just walking "P"s! As I said, I admire, have respect for you ~ but you'd have a damn hard time going toe to toe with a Lady Jane ~ type. She's be on you like a pack of dogs on a sick three legged, coughing, hacking cat! There are good women out there! Problem is? They're like finding a good job! There out there! But there few and far between! And you've got to cast a wide net to find just one. Generally? They're already taken! And the people that have them? They plan on hanging onto them. They've got them, they plan on hanging on to, and your just about going to have to kill them to get them away from them! When one of them comes up on the market they don't stay on the market for long!
notspiritual Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 The trick is to find one that's has morals, honor, ethics, who's willing to put others before themselves to include their children and husbands. My estimation is that out of 1000 women, 10 have the good personality you are describing. Out of these 10, 8 are ugly, old or fat (hey you can’t have it all). There are 2 left, one I need to find and one I need to steal from another guy. Example of type of women I see around me: the old witch (so many of them), the gold digger, the I-want-a-baby-cause-I-am-30 woman, the my-life-is-a-financial-mess-I-need-a-man girl, the I-sleep-with-guys-I-meet-on-internet-though-I-have-a-boyfriend girl, I-ll-buy-a-house-when-I-find-my-man girl, the please-f*ck-me-I-am-desperate-please-ignore-my-belly-beer girl, the I-hit-you-when-I-am-drunk girl, the I-like-you-but-my-boyfriend-is-wealthier girl, the what-can-you-do-for-me hot babe and the list goes on. The odds are against you. That's why having multiple relationships is the way to go for the modern man. You don't want to get stuck with a poisonous wife.
nylah Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 It is a woman’s nature to leave a man when he cannot provide anymore. Like most women, all that your wife wanted was to have kids and your money to raise them. Now that you’ve lost your financial situation, she is leaving you. Most women only want the easy ride, when life gets tough they will chase other dicks. Don’t blame yourself; you did not know the true nature of most women, that is why you decided to get married. Women have absolutely no value to men except to get fu**ed. So, don’t even drop a tear for this fake-boob bitch. My first suggestion is to protect your asset, grab all the money you can and hide it. Don’t give a damn about this walking pussy, there will be other in your life. I'm so sorry for you....it's just terrible what she has done....I'm just curious...did she have to marry you to get into this country?....I know it hurts, but just remember....we all reap what we sow, so she has it coming!
Gunny376 Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 My estimation is that out of 1000 women, 10 have the good personality you are describing. Out of these 10, 8 are ugly, old or fat (hey you can’t have it all). There are 2 left, one I need to find and one I need to steal from another guy. Example of type of women I see around me: the old witch (so many of them), the gold digger, the I-want-a-baby-cause-I-am-30 woman, the my-life-is-a-financial-mess-I-need-a-man girl, the I-sleep-with-guys-I-meet-on-internet-though-I-have-a-boyfriend girl, I-ll-buy-a-house-when-I-find-my-man girl, the please-f*ck-me-I-am-desperate-please-ignore-my-belly-beer girl, the I-hit-you-when-I-am-drunk girl, the I-like-you-but-my-boyfriend-is-wealthier girl, the what-can-you-do-for-me hot babe and the list goes on. The odds are against you. That's why having multiple relationships is the way to go for the modern man. You don't want to get stuck with a poisonous wife. Hard to argue there Bro ~ all the above plus the "the girl/woman that can and is willing to put up with our crap" Personally, there's no doubt that marriage is a crap shoot, and one in a million long shot. The odds definately favors the individual (man or woman) that stays single and has multiple relationship. At least you don't have to keep going to WalMart and buy all that crap that you already bought over again? The ROI (Return On Investment) for marriage isn't worth a damn. But, again with the "good job" analogy ~ if you do happen to find yourself a good one? Don't f*** it up!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jasmine8719 Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 nonspiritual i dont believe what you said is true... Im a woman and i could never ever cheat on my boyfriend or my future husband. There are still alot of women who have morals and value themselves and the loves in there life. So to Kenfrance...Im sorry all of this is happening to you..but just move on ...take care of your self and your kids and make your self happy and dont look back and dont try to change your wife...You know whats best for you and your kids. Good luck!
nylah Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 nonspiritual i dont believe what you said is true... I don't think it's true either but it was pretty funny.....It is terrible what she did to him....women like that never end up truly happy....she's sounds just awlful!!!!!
Author kenfrance Posted July 14, 2007 Author Posted July 14, 2007 Thank you so much for the responses. They have helped and I am beginning to see the truth in them-- it is time to let her go. My kids are my priority at this point. Funny thing, I went to Pensacola Beach this weekend with the kids for a get and SHE shows up!! Stays out late, shows up drunk after the kids are asleep just to flaunt it all. We got back and she backed a suitcase and said she was staying with some friends and would be back for our sons birthday in a few days. I was blind but now I see. It still hurts but I have been through a lot and I can get through this as well. The next step in my life is a mystery-- but I am open to it.Once again thanks to all. I look forward to being a part of this community full of diverse yet caring individuals.
Darth Vader Posted July 15, 2007 Posted July 15, 2007 You know, when you do contact that lawyer, ask him, or her, about going for abandonment, yep, it works in favor for men too. Find out about your rights, etc. Go for sole custody, although you will have a fight about her first child that isn't yours? Is that child yours?
Author kenfrance Posted July 15, 2007 Author Posted July 15, 2007 Today will be a tough one. It is our adopted son's 18th birthday party. After the disastrous trip to Florida I really do not want her around. But it is his birthday. Yet this is my house. I will let her come over for the party but on my terms and conditions-- no flaunting of her independent partying lifestyle. Yet it is his birthday and I don't want to screw it up by being creating tension. I talked to him about this and he said that it's his 18th birthday and would rather just be with his friends and not have something at the house. Typical 18 year old. Any thoughts on how to deal with holidays, birthdays etc?
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