Sundax Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 What is a reasonable time to stop giving a child a baby bottle? My daughter is almost 4 years old. 3 years and 10 months to be exact. I am divorced and have physical custody 50% of the time, my kids live with me a few days a week then they live with their mother so they go back and forth frequently. When my daughter lives with me she is such a "big girl". Gave up bottles 6-8 months ago and never asks me for one. She's been potty trained for at least a year and has never even once had an accident even through the night (wow!). When we went over to her mother's today she immediately went and filled her a baby bottle with milk and gave it to her. My daughter did not ask for it, it appears to just be ritual. My X also babies her in other ways, occasionally still putting her in pull-ups. (Don't forget, she's NEVER had an accident in a year.) And she uses baby talk with her. Bottle is "ba-ba". Milk is "milkie", etc. This is just so weird for me to see because when my daughter is with me she is so much more grown-up. Does this seem weird to anyone else? Is it harmful for my daughter? Seems like her growing up is being hindered. I know my ex *really* wants another baby but is unable to have any more, think this has anything to do with it or is that just dimestore psychology?
zeldazelda Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 around here, babies drink bottles, kids don't. i have many small children in my family, and none of them had a bottle past the age of 2; usually it stopped before. a 3 or 4 year old with a bottle? honestly. preschools start at that age, they would never let a bottle-fed child that old into the classroom.
nittygritty Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 There are different expectations of your daughter at each house. Has there been a lot of conflict or something between you and your ex wife? I don't understand why you did not ask your ex why she was pouring a bottle for your daughter when you saw her doing it? I think that if you and your ex don't get on the same page about raising your daughter then your daughter could have problems later on. Growing up in two homes with two completely different sets of rules and expectations is going to make a difficult situation worse for your daughter. The days that the transition takes place will be the most difficult for her. You and your ex wife need to discuss these issues when they arise and how to handle them. It is essential for your the sake of your daughter to have a good parenting relationship with your ex. Have the same rules and expectations at each house. Your ex may be babying your daughter too much but you have to talk to your ex about your concerns that it will hinder her emotional growth. Take Care
Author Sundax Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 Not a lot of conflict. Actually for what's happened between us, we get along remarkably well. I brought up the issue to her a long time ago after my daughter first got weaned which still was REALLY late IMHO at 3yo. We argued about it a bit then. Today it happened too fast, I didn't see the bottle being made just all of a sudden it was being handed to my daughter and I didn't want to argue in front of the kids, later I did let her know (again) that I thought it was a very bad thing. But she does not see it that way. My ex has an extremely difficult time telling my daughter "no". She claims she asked the pediatrician who said it was "ok". True or not I don't know. But just because one Dr. allegedly says it that doesn't necessarily make it right IMO. It's more likely a control issue on my X's part. i.e. "you can't tell me how to raise my daughter." I agree two sets of rules, especially such widely disparate ones, is a very bad thing, but what's my alternative? Start giving her "ba-bas" myself? Well hopefully this won't mess her up too bad.
nittygritty Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Not a lot of conflict. Actually for what's happened between us, we get along remarkably well. I brought up the issue to her a long time ago after my daughter first got weaned which still was REALLY late IMHO at 3yo. We argued about it a bit then. Today it happened too fast, I didn't see the bottle being made just all of a sudden it was being handed to my daughter and I didn't want to argue in front of the kids, later I did let her know (again) that I thought it was a very bad thing. But she does not see it that way. My ex has an extremely difficult time telling my daughter "no". She claims she asked the pediatrician who said it was "ok". True or not I don't know. But just because one Dr. allegedly says it that doesn't necessarily make it right IMO. It's more likely a control issue on my X's part. i.e. "you can't tell me how to raise my daughter." I agree two sets of rules, especially such widely disparate ones, is a very bad thing, but what's my alternative? Start giving her "ba-bas" myself? Well hopefully this won't mess her up too bad. Take your daughter to her first dental exam together at a pediatric dentist and they will tell your ex that juice and milk bottles cause cavities. Its not good for their teeth among your other concerns about it hindering her emotional growth. See if your ex will compromise by only putting water in the bottle. You mentioned that your ex is still using Pull Ups despite your daughter not having an accident in over a year. Is it possible that your daughter has had accidents and your ex doesn't tell you? Or do you really think she is just treating her like a baby because she can't have anymore? If that is the case its not healthy for your daughter. It is really going to be hard for you to know the reasons behind your ex still giving your daughter a bottle. Your daughter may be asking her for one and she is just giving her whatever she wants, which is also really not good. If that is the case your ex will be the one to have problems with your daughter later on. If the case is that your daughter is on her best behavior at your house only it could also be because if you were the one who moved out when the divorce took place and it has caused her to be unsure if you will be there for her, no matter what. She might be worried subconsciously that she somehow caused the divorce, which is a very common problem of children of divorce. Your ex could just be doing it to piss you off. She did do it right in front of you and I'm sure she knows you well enough to know which buttons to push. There are so many possibilities with this kind of behavior. Just don't get in a power struggle with your ex. That will help your daughter a great deal. All that you can do is try talking to your ex about it. If you could figure out a better way to communicate with your ex than the problems that were experienced in the marriage than you have a better chance of a successful parenting relationship. You know what she does to piss you off and I'm sure you have a good idea of what you do to piss her off, so try a new approach in communicating with her. Try complimenting her about a parenting thing she does (I know ) and then bring up your concerns about this issue, in a non accusing way. If you still get no where with this issue then just keep doing what you know is in the best interests of your daughter. Don't start giving her ba ba's or putting Pull ups on her that she doesn't need. I don't know how long ago the divorce was but things will hopefully get better with time.
nittygritty Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I agree with you that any kind of bottle at 4 years old is not good but since your ex isn't going to stop giving her one just because you want her to then a trip to the dentist and only agreeing to a bottle filled with water are your best shots at getting her to stop giving her bottles. Your daughter isn't going to get very attached to a bottle filled with water and it will be more like a game of playing like a baby. Good Luck
hotgurl Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 my pediatriction recommended we stop the botle at 1. Basically if your child no longer needs to drink formula/breast milk than they no longer need to drink from a bottle. Also prolonged bottle use can cause dental problems and contribute to the need fro braces later on. I always felt very strongly against using baby talk. I think it limits children's vocabularies and dumbs them down. As far as the pull ups mabe she does have an ocassional accident. i would talk to your ex and raise your concerns.
love necessity Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Not a lot of conflict. Actually for what's happened between us, we get along remarkably well. I brought up the issue to her a long time ago after my daughter first got weaned which still was REALLY late IMHO at 3yo. We argued about it a bit then. Today it happened too fast, I didn't see the bottle being made just all of a sudden it was being handed to my daughter and I didn't want to argue in front of the kids, later I did let her know (again) that I thought it was a very bad thing. But she does not see it that way. My ex has an extremely difficult time telling my daughter "no". She claims she asked the pediatrician who said it was "ok". True or not I don't know. But just because one Dr. allegedly says it that doesn't necessarily make it right IMO. It's more likely a control issue on my X's part. i.e. "you can't tell me how to raise my daughter." I agree two sets of rules, especially such widely disparate ones, is a very bad thing, but what's my alternative? Start giving her "ba-bas" myself? Well hopefully this won't mess her up too bad. firstly, I want to say, it's fathers like you that make this world a better place one step at a time. Secondly, I think you have every right to take your daughter off the bottle. You have the right as her father, to let her mother know that you don't want her on the bottle. If you weened her off the bottle, and her mom keeps on sticking one back in her mouth, that's not constructive behavior. Your daughter could end up resenting you in the future. She knows she'll have her way regardless of what you say, and it'll be very hard for you to gain respect that way. You should bring this up in court. Just to avoid any future rivalries. Could your ex be doing this on purpose?? If so, def. bring it up to your lawyer. If your ex is truly not doing this to annoy the crap out of you, then your ex is lacking in her parenting skills. She's probably too lazy to show your daughter how to use a cup, and would rather stick a bottle in her mouth. That's what I would pick up from the situation. I would confront her in a nice way. You also said that your kids are being transported to and from your house to hers every week. That doesn't seem stable for your children. You didn't have the option to keep them every 6 mos. and she gets them every 6 mos? One would think that would be the more logical thing to do, because of school, and stability. Your children need to build a foundation. I personally think that's too much traveling. You probably spend most your time in your vehicle? I could be totally wrong, and please forgive me if I am, but wow!! Please get back to me, I hope this helped. I am sure you already know what to do. You probably have that fatherly instinct. TTYL
nittygritty Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 firstly, I want to say, it's fathers like you that make this world a better place one step at a time. You should bring this up in court. Just to avoid any future rivalries. bring it up to your lawyer. You also said that your kids are being transported to and from your house to hers every week. That doesn't seem stable for your children. You didn't have the option to keep them every 6 mos. and she gets them every 6 mos? One would think that would be the more logical thing to do, because of school, and stability. Your children need to build a foundation. I personally think that's too much traveling. You probably spend most your time in your vehicle? I could be totally wrong, and please forgive me if I am, but wow!! I agree that he is being a good and responsible parent. Sorry, I disagree with making it a new issue in court if things have already been settled. I think the stress and expense of making this an issue in a court battle isn't going to help the situation. Avoid escalating the situation by unnecessary hauls to court or attorneys. Seeing upset parents just upsets the kids. Sorry but I also disagree with kids being separated from either parent for 6 months of the year. That would be really hard on a kid.
Recommended Posts