mewbomb Posted February 27, 2003 Posted February 27, 2003 Jus a little background.. we broke up and she had said she needed her space..blah blah... kind of never really gave it to her and tried to be "friends" i know it was a bad idea..but here's the rest We starting going out on and off as friends again. Now once again... said i didn't respect her wanting to be alone. Now my question is.. why does she tell me over and over how much she loves me, but is willing to be apart. Is this to see if we are right for each other. I know im a dummy for even seeing her again...but what can i do when I love her. We had a great great time the past few weeks and she has people talking **** in her ear. Like, "hey....you broke up, why are you seeing him" blah blah..mind you she had told me how this pissed her off...how people don't know what another person feels... now the next morning she decides its not working. She goes on and on about how incredibly she loves me. How spectacular the sex was... Is it really possible that someone could "want" to be alone or even away from someone the "love" so much. I guess i don't get it and never will, but like... someone said on here.. Fool me once.. shame on you! Fool me twice... SHAME ON ME!! I know i know...my fault. Well.. nothing i can do now but let it go. Maybe one day i will see her agian!! i would like to hear some advice as to why they think this is happening! specially when she "loves" me so much...and im old enough to know that she does.. thanks everyone!!!!!!!!
lala0977 Posted February 27, 2003 Posted February 27, 2003 Well maybe she does love you but she wants to be alone because she is scared of falling in love and what other people think. Give her some space. Let her have the time to figure out if she wants to fallow her heart or her head. If she doesn't come back to you then you are better off with out her because she wouldn't be loving you the way you love her. Hang in there And only hope for the best
Tony T Posted February 27, 2003 Posted February 27, 2003 If you ever come to some sort of conclusion, please post it here. I haven't even the slightest of an idea why some people give these kinds of mixed signals...but I would LOVE to know.
Ally Boo Posted February 27, 2003 Posted February 27, 2003 She's giving mixed signals bc she can't decide what she wants. When someone does this to you, it is in your best interest to just tell her, "I feel like you don't know what you want, you are giving me mixed signals and I won't tolerate myself to be put in that position. Please respect my wishes and do not contact me again." I mean, lets face it, she's obviously battling with 2 things that mean just as much to each other. Frankly, I wouldn't want anyone that had to ponder and question and lead me on for as long as you have. If she can't make a deision about her own happiness, she's probably one of those people that take 5 minutes at the drive thru window just to pick something out to eat. Geez...Taco Bell should REALLY stop chaning their menus so often. Anyway....
Author mewbomb Posted February 27, 2003 Author Posted February 27, 2003 have no idea why people pull this crap... I mean... she actually told me she thought she was being "unfair" to me because she didn't want a relationship due to HER problems... (which to me... LIFE IS NOT F A I R) SO whatever that meant! I thought i was doing the right thing by hangin' with her and having a good time! Guess it was the wrong thing...but at least now i have no contact with her at all!! Its hard to think she can do this... but i think the last post said it right... why should i put up with this Wishy Washy crap!! So for now... im gonna see if she contacts me. Im guessing that its mostly women that pull this on us guys. Im just waiting for someone to post a message "oh..ive done that" Havn't seen it yet!! Oh...and she can never make up her mind about much... probably more like TEN minutes at the drive thru!!! I welcome any more comments!!
aya Posted March 1, 2003 Posted March 1, 2003 My honest feeling is that you are giving her pressure to say something positive.
Author mewbomb Posted March 1, 2003 Author Posted March 1, 2003 what does giving her pressure to say something positive actually mean??? please explain...
aya Posted March 1, 2003 Posted March 1, 2003 All I meant is that I suspect (I am not entirely sure, it's up to you whether you believe this or not) that you might be giving her pressure to say positive things about your relationship. It is up to you to believe this or not. Personally I am a little curious how long you will keep posting on this issue.
Author mewbomb Posted March 1, 2003 Author Posted March 1, 2003 that this is what the forum is for. I guess... until i am over this!
flowers Posted March 1, 2003 Posted March 1, 2003 HI I think that you need to tell her that you can't talk to her for a while. And, then don't call her. If she has the desire to call you after a while then she will. And, if she doesn't then she won't call you. If you say it this way....then you don't completely close the door......
Big Lou Posted March 4, 2003 Posted March 4, 2003 Hey, I've been where you are. I did what you did for 7 long months!!! I was with someone that told me it was the best thing for us to just be friends. She told me not only that she wanted to be friends, but that she did not want to change a thing. Well, I was heart broken due to the initial break-up, but since I was so "in love" with her, I went along with it. I posted my message here and Toni and the rest of gang gave me some good advice. Listen, what I found from doing that was that my feelings would always come back when we were together just "hanging out." We would always end up either arguing or If we didn't argue, I would end up really hurt and sad at the end of the day. It almost felt like a neverending cycle. I got exicted when we would plan to hang out, then I would get anxious and hope that things got better, then when we hung out I would be happy for a minute. Then I would always come close to begging her to come back (of course, she would say that "she couldn't love me like I wanted her to love me), and at the end of the day/night, I would always be the one hurt or sad. So my advice to you is to not contact her!!!! Please, take it from me, save yourself your dignity. I finally got the B*lls to let her go and I dont' talk to her anymore. She still calls or sends me emails asking me that she just wants someone to talk to, but I don't call her back or answer her emails. Be strong for yourself.
Author mewbomb Posted March 4, 2003 Author Posted March 4, 2003 as much as i want her back its best for me...that unless she calls me or contacts me, to just stay away! thats what ive been doing and im miserable... why does it seem that everything in my life relates to her or something to do with her!! HOW ANNOYING!!! anyways... LOU... i am sticking with your advice and im sure a lot others too... havn't hung out or even talked for almost two weeks now... Im not sure how long i will feel like this but im sure it will last a while. Do i want her back?? I guess... Will she come back?? WHO KNOWS??? I can't hope that she does because im sure ill be let down. Im trying to get over this but...it wasn't a bad breakup!! Am i supposed to just never talk to her again... oh.... one more thing. The other night at the bar... i saw her sis... i couldn't believe it... i said...hey whats up..., she was with her boyfriend so i didn't say much more. I know she told her i was there...still... no call, nothin. Why is it that i constantly think about someone who does not want to be with me...whether it be right now or ever. I know that im in love with her and her likewise... BUT HOW DOES SHE STAY AWAY?? Could there be that many things in her head? Or was she trying to let go of me easily and lying ever two seconds when she kissed and told me she loved me!! LuVSux
Lou Posted March 5, 2003 Posted March 5, 2003 but you're gonna have to let go sometime. Honestly, I think that both of us are going through the same thing right now. I would ask myself the same question of "how can everything in my life remind me of her?" Well, that's because you did something that I did. And that was you shared your life with this person. How can she not come to mind when you are driving around, or when you listen to that special song, or when you go to the mall and see a store where she loved to go to. I mean, it's hard, I know. But look at it like how I look at it...I'm a great person and I know that there's someone out there that will appreciate and love everything I do for them. Let me share with you an email she sent me tonight. But I won't answer back to her. "I was hoping that you would be online tonight so we could chit chat but I guess you are busy with homework or you paper. Well I just wanted to see what you were going to do for spring break. It looks like I will be here all by myself. Take care. I will talk to you soon." Should the "be here all by myself" make me feel bad for not talking to her? I say NO! She broke it off with me, she was the one that pushed me away, and she was the one that made the choice to be alone. So take it from me, just chill out for a bit. If you want my advice, just don't contact her even if she tells you that she loves you. Give her time to get her s*it together BUT, don't wait for her. Don't look back. Trust me, I stuck around like a open wound for seven long months. I regret doing it because in those seven months I was so miserable. Please don't learn the hard way like I did. I hope this post helpe you out a bit. Take care and I wish you luck in the future.
Author mewbomb Posted March 5, 2003 Author Posted March 5, 2003 well...i agree with what you have posted but mind you... im quite a bit older... you know the old clock is tickin' sounds like your in college or something...much easier to pass the time...blah blah... i do agree with not contacting her... she is the one who broke it off and says she loves me, its only been a few weeks...opposed to months...but you are right in not looking back...and im not really... i still go out and do things...just miss her dearly..im 28 now...and lookin' for "her" but... guess i can't force anything for now!! well...good luck to you and me... and um... why is she saying she will be here all by myself? she want you there with her??? thats really weird.... guessing you guys are going to the same school? either way... this really does suck!
Lou Posted March 5, 2003 Posted March 5, 2003 she's a bit older than me. I'm 24 and she's 27. She already graduated from college a while back. Yes I'm still in college do to the fact that I was in the military for 4 years and now I'm trying to catch up. I have 2 more years left. But I'm not sure why she said that. She might want me to be there or not. Or maybe she says that for me to feel guilty and tell her that I would hang out with her. that's what I would normally do before. But I think that it's just time to move on. You're right, months is way different than weeks. But yea take care and good luck to you too.
flowers Posted March 6, 2003 Posted March 6, 2003 WHO KNOWS IF SHE WILL CALL...BUT, If she does call you...dont call her....right away.... Let her call you a couple of times..... That way you will know if she is sincere about it. Anyone can pick up the phone once...but, to do it more then once...will make her think of the decision she has made. And, don't fall into if she calls and doesn't leave a message crap. ...ie you see her on your caller id.... If that happens...which might....then wait till she calls back again. If she doesn't have enough balls to call you and leave you a messge......then she doesn't have the right to take on the responsibility of getting in touch with you again The above I have delt with on a personal level. Mine wasn't a messy break-up either. And, he said he loved me. However, we were arguing a bit in the last couple of months we went out But, he made the final choice to break and see others ( after we got into a fight) ... However, he still wanted to keep contact with me and be my friend... And, said down the road we could get back together. But, I couldn't do it....so I haven't talked to him....in any way or fashion...and it has been about 7 months... And, it was hard...but, Its for the best. I am now casually dating other people and hanging out with friends and family Nobody needs the crap of someone not knowing what they want....they would just be draggin you heart on the ground continuously. good luck
Author mewbomb Posted October 5, 2003 Author Posted October 5, 2003 Well, I don't even know where to start with this one people. Looks like she really doesn't want to talk to me anymore, ever!?!!? My ex got a dog a few weeks ago and said that she didn't want to have to split the two of us... so i tell her that i was willing to love and help her with the dog. The other day i went over there saying, hey, lets go out for an hour and get some food and then we will go back and hang with the dog and watch a movie. The night was going well, she proclaimed, the happiness for me being there and we went into bed quite early, around 11pm on a friday night. So, i try to um... make some lovin, and she said she was really tired or whatever, but she sure didn't seem like it before we got to bed, i thought she wanted to really!?!?! ok fine, she goes to sleep and says she can't wait to sleep late the next day. So next day rolls around and it seems as if... doggy, wants to get out at 8 am.. ok... so maybe, i try again to love her and i get turned away, ok..somethigns wrong!?! She asked if we wanted to take a walk to the store with pup to get coffee and i agreed, but said.. can we go in a few??? trying to love of course.. She said she doesn't want to and starts with this doubting thing.. "i have these doubts about us i can't get rid of!" so i tell her, so, you want me to leave??? SHE ACTUALLY SAID YES!?!??!? WOW!! SHe goes through the whole shabang of don't call me, email or send flowers or anything, it will just make this harder on the both of us. HOLY ****!!! I couldn't believe my ears at 8am in the morning. I wasn't sure if all of this was seriously happening or her in a mood, or what.. but. here's the kicker.. . Mind you, she tells me how much she loves being with me and all that... SHE DISCONNECTED HER PHONE!!! OMG!! is that really necessary, i mean.. . maybe i would call a few times, but if she didn't answer,,,, i would get the hint!!! and leave her alone. But no.. its completely off!! does she have that big of a self control problem that she can't hold off answering or calling!??!?! i mean jesus... Now im completely heartbroken and don't know what to do..... Some one please give me a little direction as i love this girl dearly and can't understand what is happening... how do i deal with this ***???? Thank you so much in advance!??!@#
kclay21 Posted October 5, 2003 Posted October 5, 2003 Something that I painfully have to understand for myself... MOVE ON! This things is out of your control. No matter what advances you make, no matter what you do, no matter what you say...the decision is hers to be with you or not. There is nothing soothing about this whole thing either. You got to stop thinking about whether she will return, and just continue to go day to day. You just have to leave her be, and continue to live your life. You live, and you learn. kclay
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