JNLVegas Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 We are both married he has 2 teens I have 1 teen. We are both very unhappy in our marriages. We have been seeing each other 9 months, just last week he told me he loves me, I told him too. I have felt it for a long time, just never said it. We have taken some out of town vacations and always have a great time together. He laid all the cards on the table, way back to when he first laid eyes on me. How he never wants to see me cry or be sad, how mad he would be if anyone ever said anything bad about me (we have the same friends at work) we live 50 miles apart so we don't spend as much time as we'd like together. He works over 70 hrs a week. We are in the same line of work, but he is MUCH higher rank than me. He is less than a year from retirement and wants to go to law school. I support him in anything he wants to do. My problem, ever since we professed our love to each, things have gotton weird...like do we have to say it to each other everyday? He is kinda withdrawn, do you think he regrets tell me the L word? I can feel his love, it is very strong. Yes we are planning on ending up together but just not now, maybe 2 years. I am willing to wait and I guess so is he...I just dont want things to be weird. We are going out of town next month, and we are both looking forward to it. I love him and don't want him to be scared, I am scared too, but I go on. Should I cut back on the L word? I text him with it one time after that first time he said it first, he did not respond to my text. I know he is superbusy at work and has high blood pressure because of it, so sometimes I feel like I am being petty. He shows me he cares, IE sent me a card, makes incredible love to me, we go out of town to get away he tells me I am his best lover and friend ever. Just dont know what to make of it.
Lizzie60 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Yes cut on the L word... Just go with the flow... Let him tell you next time... if he doesn't, don't nag him about it... don't say anything. I am confused though... why the need to wait 2 years?
Meaplus3 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 We are both married he has 2 teens I have 1 teen. We are both very unhappy in our marriages. We have been seeing each other 9 months, just last week he told me he loves me, I told him too. I have felt it for a long time, just never said it. We have taken some out of town vacations and always have a great time together. He laid all the cards on the table, way back to when he first laid eyes on me. How he never wants to see me cry or be sad, how mad he would be if anyone ever said anything bad about me (we have the same friends at work) we live 50 miles apart so we don't spend as much time as we'd like together. He works over 70 hrs a week. We are in the same line of work, but he is MUCH higher rank than me. He is less than a year from retirement and wants to go to law school. I support him in anything he wants to do. My problem, ever since we professed our love to each, things have gotton weird...like do we have to say it to each other everyday? He is kinda withdrawn, do you think he regrets tell me the L word? I can feel his love, it is very strong. Yes we are planning on ending up together but just not now, maybe 2 years. I am willing to wait and I guess so is he...I just dont want things to be weird. We are going out of town next month, and we are both looking forward to it. I love him and don't want him to be scared, I am scared too, but I go on. Should I cut back on the L word? I text him with it one time after that first time he said it first, he did not respond to my text. I know he is superbusy at work and has high blood pressure because of it, so sometimes I feel like I am being petty. He shows me he cares, IE sent me a card, makes incredible love to me, we go out of town to get away he tells me I am his best lover and friend ever. Just dont know what to make of it. Alway's Remember that "Action's speak Louder than word's. so the "L" word was said on both part's. I am not sure if you said it first or mm, however in a "man's mind" as I have come to learn it's the action's that matter the most. Protect your heart. Good luck. AP:)
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Yes we are planning on ending up together but just not now, maybe 2 years. I am willing to wait and I guess so is he... You'll wait longer & I doubt it will ever happen. Check around on this site. You'll see I'm not making this up.
precious1357 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Keep telling him you love him. My MM and I say it all the time and he loves it because in his marriage there was and has never been love and he says he never felt loved and just wants out. Love is the key to happiness. I love hearing him say he loves me because at the age of 51 and previously married, I never have felt that anyone ever loved me and this is the first time I really feel it and believe it! If it makes you feel unhappy then you might want to question if you really love the him. We are both married he has 2 teens I have 1 teen. We are both very unhappy in our marriages. We have been seeing each other 9 months, just last week he told me he loves me, I told him too. I have felt it for a long time, just never said it. We have taken some out of town vacations and always have a great time together. He laid all the cards on the table, way back to when he first laid eyes on me. How he never wants to see me cry or be sad, how mad he would be if anyone ever said anything bad about me (we have the same friends at work) we live 50 miles apart so we don't spend as much time as we'd like together. He works over 70 hrs a week. We are in the same line of work, but he is MUCH higher rank than me. He is less than a year from retirement and wants to go to law school. I support him in anything he wants to do. My problem, ever since we professed our love to each, things have gotton weird...like do we have to say it to each other everyday? He is kinda withdrawn, do you think he regrets tell me the L word? I can feel his love, it is very strong. Yes we are planning on ending up together but just not now, maybe 2 years. I am willing to wait and I guess so is he...I just dont want things to be weird. We are going out of town next month, and we are both looking forward to it. I love him and don't want him to be scared, I am scared too, but I go on. Should I cut back on the L word? I text him with it one time after that first time he said it first, he did not respond to my text. I know he is superbusy at work and has high blood pressure because of it, so sometimes I feel like I am being petty. He shows me he cares, IE sent me a card, makes incredible love to me, we go out of town to get away he tells me I am his best lover and friend ever. Just dont know what to make of it.
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Keep telling him you love him. My MM and I say it all the time and he loves it because in his marriage there was and has never been love and he says he never felt loved and just wants out. Love is the key to happiness. I love hearing him say he loves me because at the age of 51 and previously married, I never have felt that anyone ever loved me and this is the first time I really feel it and believe it! If it makes you feel unhappy then you might want to question if you really love the him. Don't believe it until he leaves his marriage. If he loved you, he would divorce & both of u could be happy with/out it a secret.
Author JNLVegas Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 Well we want to wait 2 years because that is when he will be done with work and retire, I have 10 more years to retire. Since he holds a high position at work, any leak of our affair would tarnish his reputation, I don't want that for him. I want him to go out in a great fashion, not devestated if they were to demote him. I am willing to wait,as I too have a reputation to uphold in my work field. I can feel the love and he does show it. When it comes down to it I would rather be showed and not told instead of told and not showed.
norajane Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Well we want to wait 2 years because that is when he will be done with work and retire, I have 10 more years to retire. Since he holds a high position at work, any leak of our affair would tarnish his reputation, I don't want that for him. I want him to go out in a great fashion, not devestated if they were to demote him. I am willing to wait,as I too have a reputation to uphold in my work field. I can feel the love and he does show it. When it comes down to it I would rather be showed and not told instead of told and not showed. Hm. Why would his getting a divorce lead to anyone knowing about his affiar? You can certainly stop seeing him until he does get a divorce. He could file right now, be divorced by Christmas, and you could be married in 2 years. Instead, you will wait for him to leave his wife in 2 years (maybe he will, maybe he won't), and then wait for the divorce to go through, and then, maybe be together. Sounds to me like he's stringing you along. Or maybe it's you who doesn't want to leave your marriage. Why? It's not fair to your husband that you're cheating on him. Why prolong the agony? YOu don't need to wait for the MM to divorce before you do. Or do you??? ARe you content to string your Husband along until you see if MM will actually divorce? Maybe your husband would like the opportunity to meet a woman who could love him, but he doesn't have that option because he's married to you.
Babybird Posted July 13, 2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Life is too short to NOT tell the people that you love that you love them. If he said it and you feel that way then tell him. If he doesn't respond then I would probably question why he said it in the first place. On the other hand maybe he thinks that because he professed his love for you that you will expect him to leave and move things along quicker. This could explain part of the awkwardness. The last thing: If you love each other then you should be able to talk about anything. Talk to him about it. Tell him that things have seemed weird lately. See whats going on in his head. As far as waiting the two years...I waited 15 months. He didn't end up leaving her, she gave him the boot. So who knows how long you'll have to wait. If he retires and has been m for a long time then his W should get half his pension. That could put a damper on things. Talk to him. Thats the best thing to do. Good Luck!!
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