Lucky555 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Head vs. The heart. I am attracted to a guy that is 7 yrs older than me. He doesn't have his life together and neither do i since i am pursuing a career. On the other hand this guy doesn't have his life together because he is living pay check to pay check. Paying child support, seems like a good dad, works full time. However, i told myself not to get involved with him. but my feelings changed because he was really sweet to me. first we started hanging out as friends because he belongs to a sport in which i was watching because i enjoyed doing that. While hanging out at his game he invited me to hang out with his friends which was great because we are friends. Then soon after i met his friends drove him to his place and we ended up having ice cream and he declared his feelings for me. I told him i wanted friends but then all of a sudden my clarity went out the window because i had feelings for him also. It should be a piece of cake right? we have hanged out on a couple of occassions. As i think of where he is at in life and where i am at, i am in my early 20s and i have only dated 2 guys because i am career focused and i work hard. He has had numerous girlfriends in his past, he claims he is settling down now. My question is how can i rid these feelings and think clearly! I am not worried about marriage right now more so i don't want to be in a romantic relationship that isn't going to prosper it would be a waste of time wouldn't it? I don't go for flings, but i do date and have fun. This guy wants more than a casual friendship and i don't want to be tied down. I care for him and i feel good around him but is that really enough? how do i know if i am doing the right thing? I initially said yes to hanging out with him to find out more about him because i do have that attraction towards him. I didn't care about our age difference at all. But as i found out more about him he seems to have nothing to lose by being in a relationship and hes really experienced. So far he has been really great, compliments, talks about future plans, invites me over, non pressure, but he will drop hints that are more romantic than friendly. Sometimes he says that hes not sure what he can say to me because were just friends. Now he wants me to meet his room mate that he lives with and go out for dinner. Its so perfect i am just worried because i wish he had more stability. I myself don't have that stability and he doesnt mind. I have worked really hard so far because i want the american dream out of my life. What should i be looking for in a person anyways. I get cold feet in relationships a lot because i have to know what the person is like before i get involved. Another thing is my parents would not be too happy with this situation, they want to see me with a stable good looking guy that has a good education. This guy is your average joe in their mind. I am not saying that we would get married but i am mature enough to know that i want a guy that just wants me, as he does, and loves me, and is there for me. I guess i am scared to be in relationship and then find someone else and end up hurting him but it could happen either way and i have thought about this too much SO where do i go from here? I am not good at analyzing my own feelings because my head says you don't need to be involved with someone right now because you have a career to focus on but my heart says hes been good so far and you shouldn't get so scared and if its meant to be he would support you and be a good guy while your pursuing your dream. So my mind is going bananas.
roxy_1980 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 So, he owns up to his responsibilities by paying his child support, is a good father and has a full-time job. Am I missing something here???? Sure, he may not have alot of money left over, but that's life when you're 30 (I estimated his age based on what you wrote). Seems to me that maybe you're looking for something that doesn't exist. You may be expecting him to be more financially than is the norm for a guy his age with fatherly responsibilities. Maybe you're projecting what you want to be making at his age (which is probably overinflated) against what he is actually making. Give the guy a break. Living paycheck to paycheck at 30 is not the end of the world. Especially when 30% of that paycheck goes to the kid.
D&L Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Honestly, I think you already know what's bothering you. You more or less know what you want in man, in a relationship, in your life and in your life with another person and he's not it and you realize that. My ex man was 8 years older than me, living pay cheque to pay cheque and was a good father to his four year old. And my goodness I cared for that man, and these same things concerned me about him because Iknew what I wanted in life and from a relationship and he really wasnt going to be able to bring that for me. Of course this is not about my decision, but this is totaly up to you. Just remember what you want in your life and for your life and to not lower your standards. (Not that Im saying he's of low standards) You can still always have fun with him and go out and chill. The only question you need to answer for yourself is that if you make this friendship into something more, is he the kind of man you want. Just my thoughts:rolleyes: Hope you're able to look deep inside and find what you need
Author Lucky555 Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 Well i know that in my life i will have a career where i dont have to depend upon someone else. What i like about the relationship so far with this guy is that hes attentive. he actually wants to know my interests and he is open with me. Its just the beginning but i am taking it slow to get to know eachother better. He brings me popsicles at work everyday. He wants me to eat lunch with him but i am keeping my distance so that our work doesn't interfere with our situation. He would meet me for coffee on some mornings when i actually get up early. he displays affection and doesn't push me. There are some negatives like him smoking which he is trying to quit, so he says. I don't listen to everything i hear i go by actions. Being with him has reevaluated my whole way of thinking. I used to go through guys asking them what they did for a living see how much they made and what their goals were and if they were not up to my standards then it was see you later. Superficial i say, but after dating a guy that was adequate for my standards i found he treated me like crap, he was never there for me he never cared, he would say good luck, and yet he wanted me to continue seeing him. So When i think about what i want its a man that actually cares for me and all the good stuff. I guess it takes time to get to know a person and see where it all goes. I feel better after seeing these posts so i can continue to get to know him. His parents actually have a nice relationship, and he is connected to his family ties. Its see where it goes but dont get my hopes up as with any relationship
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