alphamale Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 he is still quite bitter about it, from what i have heard.... who wouldn't be?
laRubiaBonita Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 who wouldn't be? i guess that's true. and i never meant for him to be a rebound. but he also never let me talk about the break up with the other guy, he would get mad. he kinda forced me to keep from healing. plus he turned out to be a controling, unhapy, pessimistic person.... NOT attractive.
roxxi Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I know there's no hard and fast rule, but as far as jaded divorced men are concerned, how many months until they can be open to seeing someone else beyond a rebound?
LoveLace Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 A few years ago when I was 26 I started dating this 23 yr-old guy that was only a few months out of an engaged relationship with a girl that was like, his first love. He latched onto me pretty quickly...but I didn't think much of it at the time. After just a couple weeks, he wanted me to spend the night a lot, leave my toothbrush there, etc and I remember once I told him that guys don't usually want this much after just a couple weeks-- but it didn't quite register. It was going so fast that it started to feel fake...and he started to realize he wasn't really ready to get this serious yet. Finally about 3 months later he fessed up that he was thinking about his Ex a lot, so I let him go even though I did like him a lot. But even after that, we stayed friends and I saw him go through girl after girl and he treated them all as though they were serious. Then finally he met a younger girl a couple years ago who was fresh out of a divorce with a child, so obviously he was her rebound...within a year they were getting married and having a kid! It's like, some people just don't get the concept of "friends first" or going slow!
Trialbyfire Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 No, I think most people understand the concept but some will continue bridging to ease the transition. It's a form of cycling which rarely works out.
LoveLace Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Sorry I didn't literally mean that they don't understand it, they just refuse to try it that way cuz they are not comfortable with being alone or just friends..
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 But even after that, we stayed friends and I saw him go through girl after girl and he treated them all as though they were serious. I know someone who does that. Maybe a smack against the wall will help.
oppath Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Even if it is OVER for the dumper, if they get into a new relationship right away, but still maintain strong contact with the dumpee, REBOUND. Not enough separation. I will always assert rebound is largely a label we place on the relationship not working out when we were hurt! What matters is recognizing signals that someone really isn't ready or available, and making better choices, so you don't end up feeling used and disposed. Sometimes your judgment is clouded because one person will express strong feelings of affection and the desire for things to become serious, BUT only because you ignore some pretty big signals that in hindsight make you feel taken advantage of and used and an idiot for ignoring. I was a rebound -- definitively used in the literal and biblical sense -- and the hardest part of it was realizing "WHY DIDN'T I ACT ON THAT RED FLAG" because (1) victimization feelings wouldn't exist and (2) hope is always the last to die, and rebound victims tend to think "if only I would have done this different" then it could have worked. No, it couldn't, because the person wasn't ready. Try less to live in the past and define a rebound, or worry if your new relationship may be a rebound, and instead make better choices and focus on actions and words aligning. If everything seems splendid but there are some big issues, don't ignore those issues. Act on them. Make sure a person is truly available to make you number 1 before offering them your heart and making yourself vulnerable. And even if you have dumped someone, if you still consider your ex your best friend and are in semi regular contact and you can't tell them "I have a new bf/gf" when you have an OFFICIAL new relationship...then you shouldn't be in a new relationship because you are still too attached to the old. Conversely, don't throw it in an ex's face that you have moved on, because that is an equal bad sign that maybe you are just saying "look at me, I've moved on before you, I am desirable". If there isn't space for the new person in your life to become number 1, don't get into a relationship. And if you sense there isn't room to become number 1 to another, don't become involved.
johan Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 I started dating my current bf less than a month after a breakup of a 4 month relationship, we've been together about a year. Is he my rebound? Yes. His days are numbered. When you get over the guy you were with before, you'll leave him high and dry.
doiask42much Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 No he wasn't cause the prior relationship was a very short one. Rebounds only occur after you get out of a long and serious relationship. 4 bleeding months? that's nothing man. 16 weeks I was going to say this but you already said it all.
oppath Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 I think it depends on the seriousness of the relationship, not necessarily the time involved, as well as if there was any deception, mistreatment, etc. It doesn't sound like this is the case, so he has nothing to worry about.
alphamale Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 I think it depends on the seriousness of the relationship, not necessarily the time involved, as well as if there was any deception, mistreatment, etc. Personally I don't think a 4 month relationship would have time to get "serious"....at least not for grown up adults
Trialbyfire Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 Some people invest quickly, others take awhile...especially the ones who've been burned badly the first go-around.
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