allina Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 People often refer to rebound relationships, but what exactly constitutes a rebound relationship? If you start dating a new person soon after a breakup is the new relationship automatically a rebound? When does a "rebound relationship" become just a relationship? I ran in to an old acquaintance a couple of days ago, I haven't talked to her in a while. As we were catching up she asked if I was dating anyone and I told her that i was still w/ my bf and that we were living together, last time i talked to her I was seeing my current bf for a little under a month. Her reply was "Aww you ended up with your rebound" I wasn't sure if I should be insulted or not so I just nodded and said "yeah" I started dating my current bf less than a month after a breakup of a 4 month relationship, we've been together about a year. Is he my rebound? Was he my rebound? I've never had two relationships so close back to back but I don't see why it's such a bad thing if you happen to meet someone you want to be with soon after ending an old relationship.
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Rebound in my view is being with someone after a hard breakup. It's the person they turn to for comfort. You never want to be a rebound. It sucks.
Author allina Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 Rebound in my view is being with someone after a hard breakup. Right, but what if that rebound relationship turns out to last years and years? Doesn't rebound only apply to a non serious dating relationship after a breakup?
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Rebounds don't last long. I don't know any that have. The purpose of rebound is to help get over the ex. And no rebounds can happen after a serious breakup. Usually do for some. Actually I take that back they can last longer then a short while.
Author allina Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 You never want to be a rebound. It sucks. Yeah, I was my most recent ex's rebound but didn't know it. Rebounds don't last long. I don't know any that have. The purpose of rebound is to help get over the ex. And no rebounds can happen after a serious breakup. Usually do for some. That's what I thought too, part of the reason why i was insulted when the girl referred to my bf as my 'rebound that lasted'
LoveLace Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 A rebound is definitely a relationship that begins very shortly after a hard break-up...but it could go either way as far as how long it lasts. My parents divorced after 22 years of marriage, but mom had a new boyfriend within months, that ended up living with us a good 8 years. I think the reason she dumped him was because she did in fact realize he was a "rebound" for her...but my dad was the only real relationship she had, so I'm sure she didn't view it as rebound in the beginning...she probably didn't even know the meaning of the word. And perhaps a rebound is simply a way to get over your ex, but it's still possible for it to evolve into a meaningful thing. But I think it's more likely for rebound situations to fade fast, as opposed to lasting. Then if you consider those who spend their whole lives moving from one person to the next without single time in between, basically everyone is a rebound to them, until they finally get one to last. But I've also thought of rebounds as being "meaningless" to the person going throug a break-up....if it's not actually meaningless, then perhaps it does not really fit the criteria for a rebound.
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 That's what I thought too, part of the reason why i was insulted when the girl referred to my bf as my 'rebound that lasted' Ask your boyfriend. It's possible he got over his ex before he met you & by the time he did, he was ready for a REAL relationship. Not everyone uses people as rebounds. But you never want to date someone right after they had a serious breakup. Most importantly if it was unexpected. Wait a bit.
LoveLace Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Ask your boyfriend. It's possible he got over his ex before he met you & by the time he did, he was ready for a REAL relationship. Not everyone uses people as rebounds. But you never want to date someone right after they had a serious breakup. Most importantly if it was unexpected. Wait a bit. I agree, if someone going through a break-up is pursuing you, I say proceed with caution!
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Allina, my most serious relationship of 3.5 years was the result of a rebound. I had been dating a dude for about a year, found out he cheated on me AND got the girl pregnant and took a quick trip up to Tahoe to marry her. I was upset, to say the least. I turned to a young UC Davis frat boy to ease my pain. I wanted to spend time with someone who was "fun," not serious, cute, playful, allathatjazz. I fell for him though, hard. He was definitely my rebound from the guy before though. I think "rebound" is just a term for what causes you to enter a new relationship, but it doesn't define the relationship itself.
Author allina Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 Ask your boyfriend. It's possible he got over his ex before he met you & by the time he did, he was ready for a REAL relationship. Not everyone uses people as rebounds. Wha??? :confused: I think you misread my original post. I was dating a guy for 4 months, I was a rebound to HIM. Soon after we broke up I met my current bf. A girl referred to my bf as MY rebound because I got together with him shorter after ending a relationship. I think my current bf is much more than a rebound, no matter how soon after a breakup me and him got together.
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Wha??? :confused: I think you misread my original post. I was dating a guy for 4 months, I was a rebound to HIM. Soon after we broke up I met my current bf. A girl referred to my bf as MY rebound because I got together with him shorter after ending a relationship. I think my current bf is much more than a rebound, no matter how soon after a breakup me and him got together. Yes I missed the last part. Sorry. Doesn't sound like your current bf was a rebound.
Author allina Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 Allina, my most serious relationship of 3.5 years was the result of a rebound. I had been dating a dude for about a year, found out he cheated on me AND got the girl pregnant and took a quick trip up to Tahoe to marry her. I was upset, to say the least. I turned to a young UC Davis frat boy to ease my pain. I wanted to spend time with someone who was "fun," not serious, cute, playful, allathatjazz. I fell for him though, hard. He was definitely my rebound from the guy before though. I think "rebound" is just a term for what causes you to enter a new relationship, but it doesn't define the relationship itself. Wow SG I'm sorry you had to go through that I'm not too sure about the second part though. I think there is a difference between seeing someone to distract yourself from the pain of a breakup and seeing someone because you like them, despite of timing.
alphamale Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I started dating my current bf less than a month after a breakup of a 4 month relationship, we've been together about a year. Is he my rebound? Was he my rebound? No he wasn't cause the prior relationship was a very short one. Rebounds only occur after you get out of a long and serious relationship. 4 bleeding months? that's nothing man. 16 weeks
Author allina Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 4 bleeding months? that's nothing man. 16 weeks It's funny to think of it that way. Looking back now it cracks me up that it even lasted 4 months, even more so that I was really upset over the breakup fr like 2 weeks :lmao:
alphamale Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 It's funny to think of it that way. Looking back now it cracks me up that it even lasted 4 months, even more so that I was really upset over the breakup fr like 2 weeks :lmao: now if you breakup with this clown you're living with now then the next guy may be a "rebound"...
Star Gazer Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I think there is a difference between seeing someone to distract yourself from the pain of a breakup and seeing someone because you like them, despite of timing. How could he have distracted me if I didn't like him though...? I don't think it matters what caused you to start dating your BF. You're with him now, living happily ever after. That's all that matters.
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 now if you breakup with this clown you're living with now then the next guy may be a "rebound"... Yes that's possible.
Author allina Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 now if you breakup with this clown you're living with now then the next guy may be a "rebound"... Hey now!
Author allina Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 How could he have distracted me if I didn't like him though...? nice a$$, big c0ck.....
halfarock Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 It seems to me that some people become like addicted to being in a relationship. If whatever relationship they are in ends, they go through like a withdrawal and to get their relationship fix, readily latch onto someone, anyone without going through the usual process of deciding if they really like the other person or not. To me this is what I think of as rebound relationships.
oppath Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 When we're rejected we often say "I was used as a rebound." This doesn't mean it was, though general some signs seem to be quickly moving into a new relationshipfast to express affection and statements of loveyet, signs of emotional unavailability that the non-rebounder toleratesI was my ex's rebound. It hurt, because I haven't had relationships, and I did fall for her. She told me she loved me and thought I was the guy she was gong to marry. But as she grew as a person separated from her identity as a couple for 5 years, she no longer needed me. She moved on from him, and once that separation was complete, I was cut loose. Red Flags were on the wall. I will never again date someone just out of a LTR when that is what I am looking for. Or rather, I will not promise exclusivity until we've been dating a while. But your new guy is not a rebound.
Trialbyfire Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 A rebound is someone you start dating when you're not over your ex. I don't think time has anything to do with it. If you can honestly think about your ex in null or dismissive terms, it's over...
laRubiaBonita Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 i broke up with my bf of 3.5 years. a week and a half after that i met A. A and i were a couple 2 weeks after the first break up. my relationship with A lasted about 5 months before i broke it off. A professed his love for me about a month into our relationship.... i think i was more into the fact that he cared about me, when i felt all was going wrong. turns out he was quite controling and definately not the guy for me. he is still quite bitter about it, from what i have heard....
Author allina Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 A rebound is someone you start dating when you're not over your ex. I don't think time has anything to do with it. I think I'm 100% in agreement with this. A professed his love for me about a month into our relationship.... i think i was more into the fact that he cared about me, when i felt all was going wrong. turns out he was quite controling and definately not the guy for me. he is still quite bitter about it, from what i have heard.... A pattern I've noticed, guys who profess their love very quickly end up being controlling and just bad news.
Aloros Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I definitely agree with TrialbyFire that a rebound is someone you date when you're not yet over your ex. I was in a 5.5, nearly 6 year relationship. After we broke up, I started seeing someone else a month later. I tend to get over things quickly, so I had one good cry, and that was it. In all honesty, I was more relieved than anything else. We'd broken up a couple times already, I'd tried everything to make it work (even couples counseling), so when it came time for it to be over, it felt OVER. I've been seeing my new guy for just over a year. I think this would be the exception more than the rule. I definitely think I was lucky to find someone I was so compatible with so soon, and I wouldn't have minded being single for longer, but he's simply the best. He never felt like a rebound to me.
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