Nomad Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 This is for the guys and ladies: what are some good icebreakers to use when trying to pick up women? Sometimes I see women I'd like to talk to or hit on, but when it comes time to think of something to say, I usually draw a blank. Then I wind up kicking myself the rest of the day. Suggestions?
shadowplay Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 Are you talking complete strangers or people you already know somewhat? Like faces you see around work? Here's a woman's advice. A good way to break the ice is commenting on something in your shared immediate environment -- weather, long workday, if you're in a bookstore the book she's looking at, etc. The same kind of thing you'd do if you were making small talk with somebody you weren't interested in romantically. See how she responds. If she's friendly, keep that going for a bit. If you see her on a regular basis, I would just start with initial friendly chit chat like that for a few weeks before you dive in for the kill. If it's a one time thing and you may never see her again, at the end of your conversation casually say "hey, wanna grab coffee some time? i hear there's a great place at ---" Make it sound very casual. Here's another trick to ease the transition from small talk to asking her out in said conversation. Have a friend give you a call after you've been talking to her for a few mins. Excuse yourself, answer the phone, then tell your friend on the other line to hold for a moment, cover the receiver, and ask her in a slightly rushed yet very friendly way if she'd like to grab a bite to eat sometime or if you can have her number. Act very confident throughout the whole process, but not cocky. What NOT to do. Absolutely under no circumstances give her some sort of line, comment on her appearance, etc. This has a 99% chance of creeping her out.
Author Nomad Posted July 11, 2007 Author Posted July 11, 2007 I was thinking more along the lines of complete strangers. I usually don't have a problem striking up chit-chat with girls I already know (but if the talk turns romantic, then I do have problems). Basically, I'm looking for ideas on how to approach girls "cold" in places like bookstores, coffee shops, bars, etc.
jcster Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 Definitely don't comment on her clothes or attractiveness. Impersonal but friendly is a good way to go. You could say something like: "I'm going across the street (somewhere close) for a coffee, would you like to join me? I'd love to talk to you more about [blank]." You will need to talk to her more than a couple of minutes to get her interested enough to think about you anytime after you leave her sight.
halfarock Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 I don’t know about “hitting” on women, as I don’t think that it is a very effectual way to get a woman to like you. Most will immediately put up a guard if they think you are coming onto them. I remember this Tao saying included the line”…contending without contending…” Almost every girlfriend I’ve ever had began as a stranger. With everyone, I’m sure the “ice breaker” came with our eyes. Just looking at her and by the way she reacts determines quite a bit. If all goes well, what is said really doesn’t matter all that much. Shadowplay’s advice seems entirely reasonable. With my current girlfriend, I ‘m pretty sure that I just made eyes with her until she came over and started talking to me. The only line I can ever remember is once I was about to enter a store just as a woman was coming out. Our eyes met and I was immediately intrigued. Without thinking the words, ”Dang, I got here just a little too late didn’t I” just fell out of my mouth. She laughed and we ended up talking for hours. The thing is, is that the way you look, the way you carry yourself, the way you react, your mannerisms, are far more important than what you say. If just saying anything is your problem, then just practice by saying things like, “hi, how’s it going” to random people as you walk past them when you’re out in public. It gets easier the more you do it.
Author Nomad Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 Almost every girlfriend I’ve ever had began as a stranger. With everyone, I’m sure the “ice breaker” came with our eyes. Just looking at her and by the way she reacts determines quite a bit. If all goes well, what is said really doesn’t matter all that much. Unfortunately, that's not going to happen to me. In fact, it never happens. In the rare occasions I actually get out, no girl ever approaches me or talks to me in a romantic manner. So, I'm forced to take a more "aggressive" approach, which is extremely hard due to my natural shyness. That's why I'm asking for good icebreakers.
halfarock Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 There was a time when I was very, very shy. So much so that at times, I would literally freeze in place unable to talk or even move. It was like I couldn’t get outside of myself. I learned to talk to girls by making eyes with them. Today I am bold and brash and have had lots of girlfriends but still, when I approach a woman, it’s always with the eyes of a shy little boy. I've just gotten better over the years at reading women.
jcster Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 The eyes definitely have it. I can't resist the eyes.
Author Nomad Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 When I give a girl "the eyes," it comes across as creepy more than anything else.
Huntr777 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 Hey there, it seems to me as if you need more than just an opening line...you need a course on the whole dating thing. Please don't take offense to that, I'm just saying that because dating is so much more than just an icebreaker. A great book I've read is called "Dating for Dummies" which helped me out tremendously. I've also downloaded a few ebooks on the subject that I bought from Ebay (for like $2 each, a bargain). That being said, I’ve found that you have to have an opening if you want to start talking to a girl you like. I’ll give you a couple of personal examples from the last month on the beach. One day a really pretty girl was talking to some friends. I walked over, and I mentioned to her about the wrap she was wearing, and how it looked so nice on her. She thanked me, told me where she got it from, and we just started talking about other things…how nice the day was, how many times she had been to that beach, and then she asked me if I wanted some fruit salad she made. I emailed her a couple of times, never got back to me. Oh well. Last week was in the ocean, commented to a girl nearby how cold the water was that day, she agreed…then told me she thought she was stung by a jellyfish. I looked at her arm, couldn’t see anything though. We started chatting a bit, then she walked away. I was like OK…then bumped back into her later and we found we had a few things in common. Next thing you know, she gives me her phone number. So you see all you need is an in, sometimes more will come of it, sometimes it won’t. But I’m sure other LS’ers will agree, you need more than an opening line, it’s just one piece of the puzzle. H777
jcster Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 the rare occasions I actually get out, no girl ever approaches me or talks to me in a romantic manner. So, I'm forced to take a more "aggressive" approach, which is extremely hard due to my natural shyness. It sounds almost like you're more trying to get a job done than meet a cool person. Having such a "workmanlike" approach to dating seems problematic at best. Why don't you get out much? If you want to meet people, you are going to have to go where the people are and spend time with them. Probably lots more time than you are now. You should make that a priority and then worry about what you are going to say.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 triple w dot art-of-seduction-online.com/conversation dot html Read this and do the opposite!
Huntr777 Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 It sounds almost like you're more trying to get a job done than meet a cool person. Having such a "workmanlike" approach to dating seems problematic at best. Why don't you get out much? If you want to meet people, you are going to have to go where the people are and spend time with them. Probably lots more time than you are now. You should make that a priority and then worry about what you are going to say. Exactly, sounds like to me that you've made your mind up that you're going to go out meet that special woman today/tonight no matter what. You know what might help you? Try online dating just to start out. I myself am on Yahoo Personals, and I've met some great ladies on there. It also cuts down on the anxiety of trying to meet them and come up with an icebreaker. Try it out, couldn't hurt. H777
love necessity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 This is for the guys and ladies: what are some good icebreakers to use when trying to pick up women? Sometimes I see women I'd like to talk to or hit on, but when it comes time to think of something to say, I usually draw a blank. Then I wind up kicking myself the rest of the day. Suggestions? Hmm...I would say just be yourself. Don't think to much about what your going to say. Just remember, woman and men are alike, "we're just trying to make new friends". I would say, approach a woman as if you're trying to befriend her, if there's chemistry, it won't be too long until you're rolling around on her bedroom floor, butt naked!! Like the sounds of that?? Let me know when this happens to you!! GOODLUCK!!
Author Nomad Posted July 13, 2007 Author Posted July 13, 2007 I've actually tried online dating with Yahoo Personals. It was ok, I had a few dates, but nothing serious. But I'm still trying to develop my skills for meeting women in the "real world." About me "getting out more": I don't have that many friends, and so don't get out as often as I'd like. AND, I don't really care for bars. I like going to bars, and having a few beers or whatever, but I find it EXTREMELY difficult to even try talking to a girl in that sort of environment: it's way too crowded, noisy, etc.
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