Jpinupgrl Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 My boyfriend has 3 kids, 11,12, and 17. The 11 and 12 year-olds live with us. Their mother deserted them and I seem to have taken her place. I'm a stay-at-home "mom" with a 3 year old of my own. When my boyfriend is at work, I'm in charge and I've found that when I have to ask the kids to do simple tasks that they should have already done, it turns into arguments and that causes a gap between us. When I ask them to and they don't, we argue or they call up dad and it turns on me, and I'm considered a "nag" to them even though he was the one to ask me to enforce it. I feel more distant from the kids everyday and as every day goes by my temperment towards them has shortened. I get very irritated by them and their laziness and I get snippy. I don't know if it's my boyfriend and the way he raised them, or if it's me. Any suggestions?
Enema Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 I don't think teenagers being lazy and disrespecting their parents is anything unique to your situation. I don't have children so I couldn't give you advice on how to deal with it... I would expect your bf to back you up though, the kids need both parents to be on the same team.
I love hot men. Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 I would not put myself in the role of a stay at home mom for kids that were my boyfriend's unless there was a ring on my finger, though, and I mean as in a wedding ring. It has to be confusing for the kids to have a woman who is not their mother or even stepmother telling them what to do, even if their dad has put you in charge while he's at work. I don't know what else to say because I don't think the situation will get better with the kids because they don't see you as their parent, because you're not.
jj2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 If your bf leaves you in charge while he is gone, he needs to tell the kids that. He also needs to tell them the consequences if they do misbehave. He needs to be very clear with them about what he expects from them while he is not there. Also, there would be no calling dad at work either if they don't do what they are told. He needs to make it clear that if he wants you to be in charge while he is not there, what you say goes. You all need to sit down and talk about a parenting plan if you plan on staying around and being a part time parent to his children.
Tyra Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 I totally agree with I love hot men, and jj2007. That's nothing but the truth.
Lizzie60 Posted July 21, 2007 Posted July 21, 2007 Since you're now the mother figure for these kids...you need to sit down with your bf and have a 'serious' talk about this... then establish some kind of rules...then have a 'house meeting' with the kids... Your bf needs to support you... If these kids have no mother anymore... and live with you full time...then it's YOUR responsilibity now somehow. The kids need to feel that the parents are supportive to each other regarding discipline and house rules. That IS NOT negociable. It is very frustrating for you, if you feel that these kids absolutely have no respect for you and your bf doesn't do anything about it... It will eventually destroy your relationship with your bf IMO, so he needs to understand that you have a responsibility towards these kids...and he has too. The main concern here should be the well-being of the kids... He's not doing them a favour if he's not supporting you. Hope that works.. it's not easy when kids are involved. Good luck!
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