kittensmittens Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 All of my stuff is being moved out of the apartment today. I haven't talked to him (or contacted him in any way) since I left town the last time. I sincerely wish I had handled that entire situation differently. I honestly wasn't as angry as I portrayed that night, and REEEALLY felt like I didn't want to make a big ordeal out of it!! He has no idea, b/c I'm not usually like that! A few weeks ago (before I left town), when I was begining to realize things about him that were bothering me, I wanted to discuss all of it with him then. But I was too scared to, I knew it could result in a break up then.....so I held in it and ended up acting noticibly cold and distant. Those feelings died down and things had been getting better. We were fighting a lot less. But it hadn't been that way for very long, so I'm sure he figures now it was only temporary. And all he saw before that was that I was angry again. I want to write him an email telling him these things. I feel like everything has been misunderstood and I can see clearly how it would be--the misunderstandings are my fault. I was just trying to demand respect, but I went about it all wrong. I really didn't want to leave that night!! I really didn't want to make a big deal about it!! I regret it so much. I'm afraid if I just silently slip out of his life, the way I'm doing, he'll always think that it never would have worked, I'll never change, etc. He'll always misunderstand why I left, what I was feeling. Maybe if he knew how it really was.....maybe he would reconsider his decision (someday). I'm afraid he'll think today, after he comes home and the furniture is gone, "well, she obviouisly doesn't want this relationship, so no use in calling her up if I miss her". It's not true!!! But.....he is already sleeping w/ someone else. This is our 4th breakup. He probably won't believe anything I have to say, anyway. And, as dumb as it is, I'm afraid of laying my pride down on the line. So I don't know. Should I send him an email? Not begging him to come back..... but just to clarify and wish him well...? Would that be bad?
London Girl Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 Kittensmittens, If he was not already seeing someone else then may be send him a letter but the fact that he is I don't think it is a good idea to contact him. Personally I will continue with the no contact and leave him be. I know it is difficult but you need to think that if he really wanted to be with you he should inititate contact and listen to you but the fact that he can easily move on to someone else says it all.
Author kittensmittens Posted July 11, 2007 Author Posted July 11, 2007 HOLY CRAP Ok, so apparently, my family got there (I just couldn't be there because I didn't want to run into him or her) and he saw them w/ the truck on his way to work. So he called my mom and said that he was going to bring the stuff himself this weekend. He also apparently tried to tell her this had nothing to do w/ her and started crying and then said "I don't want to talk to her!" (me) at the mere suggestion. So they started loading the truck and who shows up early from work? Yeah. Apprently he kept going on about how he can't believe this is happening, he was going to get the truck, he didn't do anything wrong, etc. So finally my mom started talking to him and they all but duke it out w/ each other (!) and he's crying. So my mom got on the phone w/ me to ask me about something and told me what happened (that he was there) and took the phone over to him and said "do you want to talk to her". To my surprise he took the phone. We talked and he is apparently very upset that I left that night. He keeps telling me I shouldn't have left, he thought I was leaving him, I shouldn't have left, "then why did you leave if you didn't want to?" you shouldn't left....AGH!!! So I somehow ended up being the sole cause of this fiasco and he kept insisting this has to be it. We can't keep going through this break-up-get-back-together-****. I told him it was stupid of me to leave, I SINCERELY regret handling the situation as I did, that I miss him terribly, etc. He said he has missed me too. He wakes up crying. He still loves me and will always love me. Finally he said let's just see for a month. We just need to be on our own for a month and then we'll see then. And to call him around 6 tonight. WTF?!?! This is a mess. I did NOT expect any of this. I'm utterly confused. I'm also scared. I want to be with him.....I think I can handle a month more apart.....but I'm scared I'm going to call tonight and he'll have changed his mind. I'm also scared of being with him. My stuff is gone now, they went ahead and took it. Any thoughts on this or....anything?!? PS--Londongirl, I agree.....the fact that he was w/ that other girl makes this about 100X worse, especially since she's our (his) NEIGHBOR. Ugh.
uniqueone Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 During that month he's going to be with the other girl while you're waiting for him. He wants to keep you on backup in case she doesn't work out. Maybe you should tell him you'll agree to a month but you'll be seeing others during that time--and then you should do so!
Author kittensmittens Posted July 14, 2007 Author Posted July 14, 2007 Uniqueone, that is a good idea, unfortunately we haven't even gotten that far. I haven't even told him that I saw his post about the other girl yet. I talked to him later that night (still not 'together') and when we got off the phone, he said "I love you" and I said "I love you too". He also said to call him anytime. I also told him something I really miss about him and he said "we do make a pretty good team, don't we..". None of our other break ups have been like this. AT ALL. It was always a big horrible break up, NC, then he would call me up crying a few weeks later and we're back together. I'm really confused by this one. Against my better judgement, I called him up last night (he doesn't have a cell phone or long distance, btw, so he can't really call me) and we talked for a little bit. Then, against my better judgement again, I started steering the conversation toward the more serious. He said that he doesn't think we should be together (which kinda throws out the window what he said the other day about giving it a month), but he still wants to hear from me, he still cares if I'm alive or not, if I'm doing ok, etc. I told him I can't do this, I can't just call him up to let him know how I'm doing, it hurts too much to have him just out of reach. Then he said "so that's it, it's just all or nothing?" I just told him "I love you too much, it's too painful". I asked him if he wants to be w/ me at all and he said that while he's thinking clearly right now, he doesn't want to go back, but "probably in 2 weeks" he will (since that's how it usually is?). Then before he got off the phone, he called me sweetie. Sweetie!?!?! I asked him why he would call me that and he said "well, I've been calling you that for the last 4 YEARS". WTF. Before getting off the phone I told him I love him and he said it back. I just don't get this at all. I think....I'm not going to keep on calling him. Is this him being uncertain--wanting me, but needing time?? Or just being a jack@ss? We still have MORE things to exchange that can't be mailed, so I'm not sure yet if I'll see him in person or just drop off/pick up. I'm not sure if I should see him. I want him to miss me. I'm hoping that not calling him anymore will make him miss me. Maybe seeing him again will stir up the feelings he's trying to push down. I'm probably just being stupid and pathetic though.... Does anyone know what to (attempt to) make of this? Why would you still call someone sweetie and tell them you love them and you want to hear from them if it really is OVER?
nylah Posted July 14, 2007 Posted July 14, 2007 I know that you love him, but you can't dismiss the fact that he has taken up with another girl already....the fact that he has done that kinda says that he doesn't really care what happens between you and him....Surely if he wanted to keep you, he would not have done that....Or does he get someone else every time you break up??? If I were you, I would leave him alone for awhile.....He could still love you, and call you sweetie, and want you to call him, but still want to be with his neighbor.....
Author kittensmittens Posted July 14, 2007 Author Posted July 14, 2007 If I were you, I would leave him alone for awhile..... If only I had seen this about 1/2 an hr ago. I just had a HORRIBLY weak moment. I'm such a dumb*ss! I called him a little bit ago, crying hysterically, telling him it shouldn't have happened this way, I miss him, etc. He said he just needed some time to reevaulate. I hate myself right now. I hate that I called him up begging and crying and I hate that I feel BETTER right now, because he gave me a glimmer of hope. He still hasn't apologized for anything. Shouldn't he be the one begging and crying if anyone is gonna do that?!? Ugh. I really feel like a mental case. Why not just call him up and say "hey, it's me, do whatever the hell you want for however long and I'll just worship you while I wait."? Or does he get someone else every time you break up??? Good question. Unfortunately, I'd sorta like to know as well... I know that you love him, but you can't dismiss the fact that he has taken up with another girl already........Surely if he wanted to keep you, he would not have done that Well I don't think any serious relationship will ever develop between them. I'm pretty sure it was a matter of convenience and "I'm hurt, lonely, angry and horny" so she was (is?) there to relieve it all. But you're right. His perspective (so he says) is that I ended it this time. So perhaps he just thought it was totally over since the decision was not in his hands this time. Or maybe I'm just reaching for undeserved forgiveness.
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