Brokensoul Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 Hi...I met my ex while I was on an internship in undergrad, I was 22 and had been enduring a physically and mentally abusive relationship for the prior 5 years and had been completely isolated from all my friends who had by then moved on or away. So my ex was a co-worker 12 years older than me. He is a fantastic man and I don't say that b.c I love him, everyone who knows him knows how respectful and kind he is. We became good friends and I started to see that there were guys out there that were really kind and my ex encompassed all that I ever wanted. After becoming friends...I told him about my abusive relationship and that I wanted out but the guy would not leave me alone. So my ex helped me see that I could do this and I broke up with the guy. Quickly, our friendship moved into a romantic relationship, I tried to stay on gaurd and not rebound but we fell totally in love and became best friends. A year later, after staying at his home mostly, I graduated college and he asked me to move in. After an additional year he gave me a 2 carat diamond for christmas and asked me to marry him....mind you I was only 24 and he was 36...to make a long story shorter...my life was soon wrapped up around him...after being so isolated I had know idea how to readjust go out make my own friends and also get past major trust issues. My ex was very patient with me...espcially when it became apparent that I needed to seek professional treatment for anxiety (it runs in my family)...however throughout all this time (it has been 5 years and I am now 27)...I can never seem to look at myself and love myself...its a few years later now and I am moody and miserable always worrying and obsessing about the extra 20 lbs I cannot loose....this has made us fight, argue, and me push him away....he finally reached is point and asked that we break up for now and that I move out of the condo that we refinished together instead of marrying right away..I am devastated...I know I need to find myself and be happy with myself before I can be with anyone else...he has been calling me a lot and is helping me move and we intend to remain close friends...he has even told me that he is not remotely thinking of dating he needs time to clear his head and this is the way it has to be for now...he said if it is meant to be, it will be. Does this imply that we can get a second chance or is he giving me false hope?????????
Citizen Erased Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 I don't think you should be focusing on anything but yourself. You need to get your life in order before you marry this man. You need to be sure you are past your abusive ex and all the issues that entails. I would suggest seeing a therapist who deals in this particular area. You need to sort yourself out, and deal with all of the things you know is wrong. Because the issues will not go away automatically if you get back together, they are still there, possibly getting worse with time. As well, if you are both in a place where you can re-start your relationship I would recommend pre-marital counseling, it sure as hell wouldn't hurt, right?
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