doubledimage Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 hi all, i am new to the forum! i need your advices on this story please: i had a boyfriend for 6 months (in which we broke up 4 times), the last time he broke up with me and told that he loves me. we didnt speak to each other for 10 months, and then he tried to be friends again. we went out once and finished by kissing each other, he said he is confused about what he was doing, he said he is comfortable with me but he doesnt want to hurt me again if things didnt work out fine(he is leaving in a year for 2 years to study out-besides he says eh doesnt wanna hurt me again anymore)! the next time we went out, he was flirting, and said that i couldnt hug him without him kissing me! so i resisted (eventhough i was dying to kiss him)...since then, it has been 3 or 4 months since he didnt ask me out, or called ..we just chat every once in a while...i know he is not seing anyone.but i don't know why he is not asking me y? is he not interested anymore? he knows i like him a lot, can u tell if he likes me??? when we were going out, he used to hold my hand, and look deep into my eyes, and play with my hair , he really was dying to flirt...why he isnt interested anymore????? he is barely talking to me!
Brioli Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 hi all, i am new to the forum! i need your advices on this story please: i had a boyfriend for 6 months (in which we broke up 4 times), the last time he broke up with me and told that he loves me. we didnt speak to each other for 10 months, and then he tried to be friends again. we went out once and finished by kissing each other, he said he is confused about what he was doing, he said he is comfortable with me but he doesnt want to hurt me again if things didnt work out fine(he is leaving in a year for 2 years to study out-besides he says eh doesnt wanna hurt me again anymore)! the next time we went out, he was flirting, and said that i couldnt hug him without him kissing me! so i resisted (eventhough i was dying to kiss him)...since then, it has been 3 or 4 months since he didnt ask me out, or called ..we just chat every once in a while...i know he is not seing anyone.but i don't know why he is not asking me y? is he not interested anymore? he knows i like him a lot, can u tell if he likes me??? when we were going out, he used to hold my hand, and look deep into my eyes, and play with my hair , he really was dying to flirt...why he isnt interested anymore????? he is barely talking to me! hi all, i am new to the forum! i need your advices on this story please: i had a boyfriend for 6 months (in which we broke up 4 times), the last time he broke up with me and told that he loves me. we didnt speak to each other for 10 months, and then he tried to be friends again. we went out once and finished by kissing each other, he said he is confused about what he was doing, he said he is comfortable with me but he doesnt want to hurt me again if things didnt work out fine(he is leaving in a year for 2 years to study out-besides he says eh doesnt wanna hurt me again anymore)! the next time we went out, he was flirting, and said that i couldnt hug him without him kissing me! so i resisted (eventhough i was dying to kiss him)...since then, it has been 3 or 4 months since he didnt ask me out, or called ..we just chat every once in a while...i know he is not seing anyone.but i don't know why he is not asking me y? is he not interested anymore? he knows i like him a lot, can u tell if he likes me??? when we were going out, he used to hold my hand, and look deep into my eyes, and play with my hair , he really was dying to flirt...why he isnt interested anymore????? he is barely talking to me! Hey Can I ask how old the two of you are? My guess is right out of high school or in college...? If this is true..here is what I think. Your boyfriend is leaving for 2 years...his life is just beginning in his eyes. Most men in their 20's are really out having a good time, flirting, and eating up what life has to offer. They have plenty of time to settle down with one women, and they know this. When they are in their 20's there are SOOO many women, and everywhere they look they see them. I hope this does not hurt you, but it's the truth. They don't want to settle, because it's time to test all these women out and have FUN! I believe it is very noble of your boyfriend to admit he has the capability of hurting you again. You can know that he respects your feelings...in other words he is not playing "games" with you. In the same note...I don't think he is on the same page as you. He wants to be single, but he enjoys hanging out with you and flirting with you. I feel sure he finds you attractive or he wouldn't want to. I remember being hurt in my early 20's many times. See women are so much more mature then men at this age...well in some ways. Many times women are already looking for the guy they want to marry. I mean hell, this is many womans' dream from the time they are a small girl. We can't wait to meet prince charming and marry him..lol! The truth is...I can see this looking back on it...that the men are not there yet. Now, there is always the exception...but for the most part marriage is the LAST thing they are thinking of..I mean LIFE IS JUST BEGINNING FOR THEM! and they ARE EXCITED! Truly, this usually doesn't end until after about age 30 on average. Heck and some NEVER settle down lol! I think you need to use this time to go out with many different guys. It's one of the things in my past I regret that I didn't do. Now don't get me wrong, don't go around sleeping with everyone...lol...but go out with different ones. I mean anyone that asks you out. Take them up on it. You will meet so many different type guys and will be more well-rounded because of it. Be honest with them that you are not looking for a committed relationship. The funny thing is...alot of times this drives guys crazy! They can't stand wanting something, and they can't have it. They will be competing with each other 'over you' before you even know it. It's in the blood to do so. You can take comfort in knowing that you haven't done anything wrong, because you have been honest with all of them. They will respect you for it. Plus, you will learn what you really want in the process. Just my 2 cents..don't try to be tied down. You owe this to yourself. I know that may not have been what you wanted to hear, but it's the truth. It will be ok..time heals all pain..and you can and will love again. Oh, and I do believe he loves you, or he would care less about sparing your feelings. He just doesn't want to be tied down. You guys are too young *Bri
Brioli Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 Also, let me quickly say that the breaking up with you 4 times in 6 months also says to me the above. I am making a guess here, but he probably met someone else and wanted to date them for awhile. It didn't work out so he went back to you. I can tell he is struggling with becoming an adult and his male desires...I would have to know more about why he broke up with you each time to make any sort of educated guess about that part I suppose. *Bri
Author doubledimage Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 and yes we're in college, we're both 22 years old. i know that he likes or used to like me at least, and he told me that he was hurt alot in his life so he is not able to think that he may love someone without being hurt at the end, and he told me when we were together that he is afraid of hurting me. the FIRST time we broke up, it was bcz he still had feelings for his classmate(that he loved for 3 years, and she just wanted him to be friends) and didnt want to be with me just for company , i think that it was very noble of him and we stayed friends then.... the SECOND time, it was bcz he is not sure of his feelings, the THIRD and FOURTH breaks up resulted from fights, but when we met again after months , he told me he was deeply sorry and that he used to fight because we werent on the same page: he was attarcted, he liked me he told me that he loved me but not as much as i did, and that he was afraid of me getting too serious... i am going out with guys, and i know he is going out too, but he told me that he wasnt comfortable with any girl as he is with me...which made me confused, if he likes me how come he can stay months without seing me...and by the way, he asked me out yesterday but i postponed it, i didnt want to seem dying to see him he is convinced that we wont have a gf anymore, so he can spare the pain..but i know that he is searching for someone to be comfortable with, without any pressure
Author doubledimage Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 eventhough i like him despite his many flows (i may even deserve much better than him)...eventhough i want to be with him, i cant see myself with him at the moment..but i cant see him without someone else either...and i think he feels the same! he used to ask me with whom m going out (pretending that he wants to know the people i deal with), asks me about guys...tells me that he is not seing anyone... but the last time he tried to kiss me, he told me that he feels so bcz of the moment, and that he already flirted with 2 others girls than me, (he is saying that it happens between friends)..when i told him that i dont want him to kiss me and then go on kissing other girls, that he can kiss others and stay away from me cz i dont wanna be in any list he has, he told me that he feels something different when he kiss me! and then went away for months until yesterday when he asked me out!
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