chill chic Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 I've been friends with this guy, we're both attracted to each other, & our family's (parents) are friends. Last weekend I met up with him, and we ended up having sex. Thinking it might have made things weird between us, even though I think we both like each other, and we even cuddled the next morning. BUT I was worried of what he thought of me now so I messaged him the next day saying "I take it you don't have a gf, and I hope you didn't lose respect for me" he wrote back (in caps) "no I don't have a girlfriend and no I didn't lose any respect for you" I'm not sure why he wrote it in caps, but it was strange and I'm wondering if I shouldn't even had said anything at all, and now that I did, that it's NOW messed up. Any thoughts on this? And what should I do, and how should I approach him now?
I love hot men. Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 It is kind of an odd thing to write or say to a guy, yes. Next time be sure he's already your boyfriend, don't just "meet up" and "have sex." Right now you are insecure because you don't know if he is serious about you or just wanted sex. Date a guy exclusively, make him work for it, build a foundation of a relationship first.
spookie Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 See, when you ask a guy that, it shows that YOU are insecure about your decisions, and that will make a guy lose respect for you faster than no-strings sex. If you are uncomfortable with one-night stands, don't have them.
doiask42much Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 See, when you ask a guy that, it shows that YOU are insecure about your decisions, and that will make a guy lose respect for you faster than no-strings sex. If you are uncomfortable with one-night stands, don't have them. Excellent point! And when you put him on the spot like that, it's not like he'd say yes, he did lose respect for you. I wouldn't worry too much about the all caps. A lot of people do that and mean nothing by it, though it's certainly annoying. As for what you said, yeah, kind of dumb but what can you do now? I would just try to act like normal, I guess, i.e., like things were before you had sex with him and before you texted him that.
norajane Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 Well, the gf part is something you should have asked about BEFORE you slept with him! Why didn't it occur to you to ask??? And if you worry whether someone will lose respect for you if you hook up for a night, again, why isn't that something that occurs to you to worry about BEFORE you sleep with them? In any case, I doubt your text changed his mind about you, either way.
Star Gazer Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 You either (1) like him and would like a relationship with him, or (2) you don't. If it's (2), you wouldn't care about the substance of your text and his response, so I'm presuming it's (1). HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT IF YOU BEHAVE LIKE A BOOTY CALL YOU WILL BE TREATED LIKE A BOOTY CALL? (And yes, I wrote that in ALL CAPS for emphasis, don't overanalyze it! ) I really need to stop reading your threads... I'm starting to lose my hair from pulling it out!
I love hot men. Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 I agree. If you look like your avatar, you probably have no trouble getting a guy's interest to start. You have to respect yourself and have confidence in order to keep them interested. Don't give it up so easily.
doiask42much Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 I tend to think if a guy really likes you, it really doesn't matter when you have sex. Ditto if he doesn't. Showing you're worried about it is unappealing, however, re: insecurity and assuming he might judge you.
Star Gazer Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 I tend to think if a guy really likes you, it really doesn't matter when you have sex. Well, given that they've known each other for a while, and they just "met up" and had sex, this isn't really relevant. Nevertheless, I agree with this only to an extent: If a guy who doesn't place a high value on sex really likes you, it won't matter when you have sex. However, for those guys who do place some amount of importance on that level of intimacy, it WILL matter. It's a double standard for sure, but if that's the way they feel, that's the way they feel.
doiask42much Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 That's true. I guess I tend to pick guys who don't place a high importance on it. Other than having it a lot.
I love hot men. Posted July 11, 2007 Posted July 11, 2007 That's true. I guess I tend to pick guys who don't place a high importance on it. Other than having it a lot. Perhaps, but you never really have that secure feeling that your man is having sex with only you. If you have sex before there is love beginning and a one/one relationship, there is nothing keeping him from screwing others. He's probably doing it with others, in fact, don't fool yourself. You haven't built up anything solid, just screwed him. Making love is so much better.
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