Yamaha Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I don't really know when someone's asked me out is the main problem. The guy driving and paying thing has changed with the times for some guys but not others so its not even a que anymore. I want to just shake them and be like "Is this a date?" "Did you just ask me on a date?" How awkward is that though especially if they are like "Um, no." Other thing I don't get, is when a guy talks about other girls to you does that always indicate he's not interested? Sometimes they aren't and are just asking for advice, but sometimes it seems like they are bringing up girls to tease me or make me jealous. But I don't know which one it is most of the time. Pople your age tend to hang out in groups and I can see why it is hard to figure out a guys intentions. I think you just have to go with the body language, flirting and if he treats you differently from the other people in the group.
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I am missing the concept. I was somewhere with a friend and a guy I've been hanging out with, who I thought liked me. In fact I thought we might be dating even though it wasn't established. (BTW this is not the guy with a gf, or the young guy. I know a lot of guys.) Then he left and I said to my friend "did you see that, he is really into me yeah?" But my friend said that he was not flirting at all and he was talking to me 'like a guy friend.' We got into a conversation about flirting. She said that in her experience when a guy is interested he: - "flirts" - compliments you - makes fun of you in a "cute" way - touches you a lot - tries to impress you - talks about things you like I remembered another time I was at the movies with that friend and a guy she was dating. He was constantly poking her and throwing popcorn at her and stuff. She said that is how guys must act if they like you. McFadden I know what you mean. I wish some guys would stop talking to us "like a guy friend" w/ that intention. It's confusing & I can never tell for sure. Usually I can tell if someone likes me when they step it up w/ flirting.
Author McFadden Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 I guess I always have this conceited attitude that I look good enough that I don't have to dress up or wear makeup and people are lucky to see me even in sweat clothes without taking a shower for a week. But girls that are (IMO) less good looking but more dressed up get more attention. I guess its sending the 'I'm looking' signal. My friend that I was talking to about this said that I got to dress up on a first date or anything I think is a first date or else they..wont think its a date..even if they thought it was a date before? But she is dangerously cheesey looking, I'm not going to wear what she wears (push up bra, high heels, 5lbs of makeup.) There is a balance I think.
alphamale Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 But girls that are (IMO) less good looking but more dressed up get more attention. I guess its sending the 'I'm looking' signal. Women who are wearing sexy heels are usually on the make
VirtualInsanity Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 My friend that I was talking to about this said that I got to dress up on a first date or anything I think is a first date or else they..wont think its a date..even if they thought it was a date before? But she is dangerously cheesey looking, I'm not going to wear what she wears (push up bra, high heels, 5lbs of makeup.) There is a balance I think. Can someone please give me the rule book? I've never heard of that before. They can't be that stupid, can they?
Crimson Rose Posted July 12, 2007 Posted July 12, 2007 I am not a man but when a man approaches me and is simply himself, that is best. Just be yourself, you can't go wrong.
Author McFadden Posted July 12, 2007 Author Posted July 12, 2007 If I wore some sexay high heels I would be towering most men and thats yet another no no..besides high heels there aren't very many shoes I like. I am either wearing skate shoes or work boots..guys should not be looking at feet anyway they should be looking romantically into your eyes or at your boobs. I didn't know about that rule with dressing up. What do most people wear on a first date? Isn't a t shirt and pants considered fine for almost any casual setting?
doiask42much Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 I would say you should just be a slightly better version of yourself. Not sweats or work clothes, but not wearing girly clothes that make you feel totally uncomfortable and not yourself either. Something casual that is still your style and flatters your figure to a reasonable degree (isn't totally baggy), some light makeup (even just lip gloss), run a brush through your hair. That's enough. Guys are idiots anyway, they will notice you're looking a bit cuter than usual but they won't be able to put their finger on exactly why. It sounds like you've got the goods; guys just don't have a lot of imagination, like I said before, so you have to put it out there, at least a little. Of course you don't HAVE to do this at all, but I think it would help you get a clearer response as to whether you are just buddies or whether he likes you like that.
Author McFadden Posted July 17, 2007 Author Posted July 17, 2007 Thank you for the input. I have decided to embark on a quest to look less like crap..it will only involve subtle things that I already wanted to do though. In addition to what you said I think three things that people mention to me a lot are - my teeth are stained - I have long hair but it doesn't look kempt - my skin doesn't look good - I wear the same few outfits all the time If prior to the next school year I can change some things I think I might make better impressions. But I hope that won't ruin my relationships with my platonic friends who only like me as a friend because I'm ugly!
doiask42much Posted July 17, 2007 Posted July 17, 2007 If anything, they will probably start crushing on you! Let us know how your quest goes, and your dressup for your bday party. I can't wait to hear what kind of reactions you get! When you rarely dress up and then finally do, the reaction to your transformation is usually very pronounced. Oh, to be young again! Again, don't think of it as deceiving people or creating something false. Almost everyone does things to alter their appearance in some way, and by not doing so, you're giving everyone else an edge over you when really you may be more baseline attractive than they are. And you have personality to boot!
Trimmer Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 I guess I always have this conceited attitude that I look good enough that I don't have to dress up or wear makeup and people are lucky to see me even in sweat clothes without taking a shower for a week. But girls that are (IMO) less good looking but more dressed up get more attention. I guess its sending the 'I'm looking' signal. My friend that I was talking to about this said that I got to dress up on a first date or anything I think is a first date or else they..wont think its a date..even if they thought it was a date before? But she is dangerously cheesey looking, I'm not going to wear what she wears (push up bra, high heels, 5lbs of makeup.) There is a balance I think. I would say you should just be a slightly better version of yourself. Not sweats or work clothes, but not wearing girly clothes that make you feel totally uncomfortable and not yourself either. Something casual that is still your style and flatters your figure to a reasonable degree (isn't totally baggy), some light makeup (even just lip gloss), run a brush through your hair. That's enough. Guys are idiots anyway, they will notice you're looking a bit cuter than usual but they won't be able to put their finger on exactly why. It sounds like you've got the goods; guys just don't have a lot of imagination, like I said before, so you have to put it out there, at least a little. Of course you don't HAVE to do this at all, but I think it would help you get a clearer response as to whether you are just buddies or whether he likes you like that. Here's my thought. Maybe you do look "good enough." But what is your concern here: you are trying to figure out the cues that will tell you if the guy is thinking this is more than "just normal friends" or whether it rises to the level of a date, right? I think you should consider that your appearance, and the effort you put into it, also factors into his feelings about that. If you are the girl who is "just" someone to hang out or catch a movie with, and there's no way to tell whether you are putting any special effort into a date, then that will be your vibe. If you look like you just took off your skates 5 minutes before the movie, then it probably will feel like just hanging out. On the other hand, it doesn't have to be because you don't look good enough, or that you have to become someone completely different, but if, as dia42m suggests, you are willing to put a little effort into displaying "a slightly better version of yourself", then you are sending out the cue that you think this is something more than just hanging out. Also, I wouldn't discard the idea of asking him, up front, "you mean, like a date?" If you would like it to be a date, then ask it in a confident, flirty way - he may be relieved to (a) know that you are interested in that way, and (b) to have that out in the open so you both know what "it" is. One memorable moment from my early days with my wife was when we had gone out for a beer after work, and she told the waitress seating us "we're on our first date..." Up to that point I hadn't really been sure if it was, but it felt great to hear her say it, and actually relieved a lot of uncertainty. And if you do ask, and he answers, "no, just hanging out," then you can just say "cool, that would be great" and then you can show up in your skates and stringy hair (the "Avril" look? But cool it on the whole flipping him off thing, K?)
Author McFadden Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 Oh I don't like Avril lol and I am very polite. I think that things I read on the internet are warping my perception of intergender relations. Now every time a guy starts trying to make any effort to get to know me, I think that he must be interested and wants to have sex because I've heard that from so many people. Then when he just wanted to be friends it makes no sense to me. So should I just ignore what people say or what PS I don't think I'm bad off enough to be in that special unattractive enough to be just friends category...people have said that they think I am good looking but they don't want to go out with me.
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