We went from involved to he ignores me and acts like i do not exist ITS A LONG ONE

[purety1]

I have read everyone's posts on this and it is truly a shame. I had been seeing this guy that works with me (arghhh) for about 2 months. At work we decided we would basically ignore each other or chat when no one was around so people wouldn't ask too many questions and start rumors. We all know that makes the work environment annoying. We talked on the phone at every few days sometimes every couple days. I allowed him to call me ..I didn't call his phone at all really. We never discussed being together.. I assumed we were kinda talking and getting to know each other... Never was established. I went over his house he was very pleasant and we had a good time. We talked, we laughed, we cuddled. Must have been about 3 weeks before we got physical. I told myself I would not get emotionally attached because of previous mistakes that i had learned from and I was able to play it cool. My friends thought it was a bootycall because he had called me once when he left the bar and I went over there. A couple other times he called and "said" he just wanted to see what I was up to and I didn't drive over there. which i guess was smart. There were also times when he would just call to talk to me about simple stuff. I tried not to really call him because I wasn't desperate and didn't want to seem clingy. One night i stayed over his house and that weekend he went up to see his family...he was in an accident and luckily is alive. I was so worried I called and finally talked to him he was very pleasant. Then he went to Cali for a week.. he called me before he left just to see what i was up to and was very pleasant. I wished him a safe trip and called him once while he was there..he didn't answer. He called me the day he came back.. He seemed pretty excited to see me..I went over there and stayed the night. While he was there he told me he was thinking of moving back to Cali...I just said ohhh... Although inside I was sad. Before we went to sleep I jokingly said Did yo miss me and he said A lil bit I called you right when I got back. He also told me he was very stressed from the accident.. thinking of moving back to Cali and with his injuries.. I told him take things one day at a time.. trying to be helpful. I didn't talk to him for a couple days I sent him a text saying i hope you are feeling better/ he didn't reply a couple days later I sent him a text saying I don't want you to leave.. and he replied What?? and I said I don't want you to leave and move back to Cali.. he didn't reply. That Friday I actually saw him after about a week since the morning I left his house. He smiled and was pleasant... that night he called me at 1 in the morning, asked if i was sleeping and I said kinda...( I was knocked out) lol. but i still answered for him. He said I am moving back this place is dumb.. and I said I don't want you to leave and he said very nicely Well it's not really up to you and I said I know but your family is here and he said...well i did it for a few years being out there blahh.. and I agreed.. he said he just called to see what i was up to and I asked him was he going up to see his family...he said yea and i said ok be safe and he we hung up. He didn't call me that Sunday when he got back to his place from visiting his family which he had done previously. I saw him that Monday.. he smiled. that Tuesday I called him after work.. he answered very pleasantly I told him I was just calling to see what he was up to.... he said he was out with his coworkers... and he was still stressed. I told him i understood that was a big decision... we ended the call. I didn't talk to him Wednesday and Thursday night I called him but he didn't answer. Friday I saw him, he just smiled.. at lunch I called him and he didn't answer. That afternoon at work I just ignored his presence... his coworker asked me a question while he was sitting there and he acted like i wasn't suposed to look at him but CONSIDERING THEY WERE BOTH TALKING AND HIS COWORKER INCLUDED ME.. I THOUGHT I WAS SUPOSED TO...he pointed for me to look at his coworker. I thought that was dumb. I just ignored his presence for the rest of the day. I didn't talk to him the rest of the week or weekend. That Monday I went to talk to my supervisor and as I was walking in my building I saw him come out of his building see me.. and turn back around. I thought that was dumb. So Tuesday morning I sent him a message online saying.. I dunno what is going on but we work together and we have been cool for a long time before this. I apologized if it seemed like i had an attitude last friday... I was a little mad at him because of the existing situation. Still didn't hear from him. Would see him driving he wouldn't even look at me...I didn't make any attempts to talk to him.. just kept driving. He rode by me with one of his friends.. when i was sitting in the parking lot.. looked over and kept going on about his business. Many days went by..no hear fromThen i was online one day, he posted a bulletin about cutting his hair.. I loved his hair... I sent him a message and called his phone only once.. he didn't answer. All this time I just didn't get it. What the heck was his problem. Another week went by... I was online and saw that he posted pictures. I made a comment to him thru a message about one... where he hugging one his friends and kinda posed to his her on the cheek i told him he could have just been honest with me they made a cute couple but i told him i wasn't being smart. I felt dumb afterwards because I knew I shouldn't have said anyting about it. A friend of mine looked at the pics and said they are all drunk. I was just upset he had just cut me off. Well after that i didn't saying anything to him in , email or anything. A week went by. I was online one day and he posted a bulletin at like 3 a.m. it was funny and I replied to him saying haha to the bulletin words of wisdom at 3 a.m. I told him i also saw in some of his pics that he was getting big from working out which would have been a nice bulletin.. Another week went by...One weekend i posted pics online and he deleted me as a friend online. I was crushed... i hadn't really done anything... I wasn't chasing him.. I made one comment about one of his pics.. though i had no right too i guess but I was slightly upset at the whole situation. I sent him a message saying that is really messed up I didn't do anything to him.. I was trying to be nice to him.. but i wouldn't talk to him anymore. A couple weeks later... I had to work in his area...his friend was talking and joking with me .. I saw him and I just acted like he didn't exist. Not being mean though.. just being normal. He gets up to go use the bathroom and while everyone was sitting there he walks right in front of me and says Hi. I said Hi How are you and he walked outside. I am like what was that all about. Meanwhile everyday I go home I cry.. can't believe that he just cut me off. The next day... I see him and one of his coworkers was a good distance a way so i figured it was ok for me to pull him aside. I asked him to come over to where i was.. I knew he did not want to come over by the look on his face but he did. I said are you like mad at me or something and he said no.. I'm goin back to Cali and I said are we not friends anymore and he said I didn't say that.. I'm going back to Cali. and I said J you deleted me.. and he sadi I'm going back to Cali. I was near tears.. but i didn't cry.. he walked away and when he got near his coworker he turned around again and said I'm going back to Cali. I just knodded my head. I had to be around him for a couple hours I just tried to be happy and nice to everyone around me.. I think I went numb. Or God knew I needed a little numbness to not cry. I am thankful for that. So its been almost 2 weeks. I have seen him driving a little bit.. but haven't seen him really at all. I am proud of myself. I went to the gym yesterday did kwondo... feeling a little angry... it helped. I still feel the need to cry alot. I call my friends and they make me feel better. But i still harbor alot of guilt for the comments and attempts at contact i made... I should not have... and I am still angry at him.. although there is nothing i can do.. he is going back to Cali suposedly and he just cut me off I guess so it would be solitude and he wouldn't have to see that it hurt me. Still today I kinda passed him on the road.. I glanced over and he wouldn't even look at me. I always hoped he cared about me and I guess this is the end of the road. Still trying to not be upset... I just enjoyed being with him... we had such a good time. Now its a done deal.. and he had chosed to dissapear out of my life. Why couldn't he just be honest with me instead of ignoring me and why did it hurt so bad for him to be so cold.. and just keep saying going back to cali.. How can you just forget someone who had been so good to you. Still learning the No Contact thing.....but its getting easier...

 

Any advice... just a weak day