jessica128 Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 I've been "seeing" a man for a month. During the first 2 weeks, things got real serious real fast. I met his friends and family. He cooked for me, took me out, etc. and asked me to be his 'girlfriend'. Things were going great, I was finally happy I had met someone. However, lately, he never calls and never wants to do anything. I always have to be the one to call him, it's never the other way around. He has been going thru a lot of stress with one of his jobs. He's a firefighter and has been working 36 hour shifts and also owns a landscaping business on the side which occupies most of his time. I have a lot of respect for his dedication to his job, but to date, it has been 9 days since i have seen him! I can understand the stresses that he is going thru as he might loose his job, but i feel extremely neglected. Everytime I talk to him, he sounds really depressed and says he 'just wants to be left alone'. When I asked if we were still a couple, he said yes. I told him i thought he was loosing interest in me and he said that that wasn't the case at all. When I do call him, he always returns my calls...always returns my txts...now normally, if someone hadn't called me in so long, i wouldn't bother but he still says we're dating. I don't get it. He also told me he wouldn't have introduced me to his parents if he wasn't 'serious'...? Do some people really need that much alone time? I don't know if his reason for not calling me is because he knows i'll be the one to call him first, but it's driving me crazy. I told him this last night and he said 'i'm not much of a phone person, you can always call me'. Should I move on? I don't know if i'm being played for a fool or if i should belive him when he's stressed about his job and that he needs some alone time. Is this his way of saying it's over? If so, why would he still say he's interested in me? He's a very no-nonsense guy who I don't think would string a girl along. If he doesn't like you, he'll tell you. Not sure what to do, any tips?
Not_That_Innocent Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 One of the best books I read on understanding the opposite sex is 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.' It gives a pretty good explanation for why men are sometimes all hot and heavy then go cold. The theory is that men can only handle so much intimacy before they have to break free and have automony. The chapter is called 'Men are Like Rubberbands.' The fact that he has introduced you to his family, the two of you have gotten really close, etc. - he has likely reached the intimacy peak and needs to scale back some. The book goes on to say that women often mistake this need for autonomy as a personal aside and think it has something to do with us, when it really doesn't. The fact that your guy has been working a lot probably doesn't help. Give him the space he needs, try not to take it personal. If what the book says is true, and I think it is, he's like a rubberband in that he can only stretch so far before he springs back - right back to you. And when he does, don't hold it against him. Try to give him all the love and support he needs. This is how you will "score points" with him - which is another chapter in the book.
Author jessica128 Posted July 10, 2007 Author Posted July 10, 2007 I know I need to give him space as his life has been extremely stressful lately, but it's been nearly two weeks since I've seen him. I try to not call to see if he'll do the calling first, but I can't stand not knowing if he's angry at me or what's going on so I end up calling. I don't know if it's turning him off. How do you go about your days not knowing if you're dating or not? It's been stressing me out and I don't want to bring it up to him because I know he's going thru a lot and I don't want to appear overly needy. As far as him needing a break, isn't 10 days long enough? If you really liked someone, wouldn't you want to see them? I'm just sick of playing the 'do you want to talk to me or not' game...i'm sick of waiting by my phone. Are some men really just not phone people? I feel like I'm making a fool out of myself calling him first all the time.
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