Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel very comfortable around him and we can talk about almost anything with each other. For the past month we've been dating long distance as I've got some work to deal with. There'll be another 2 months till I see him again.

 

I trust him and he knows that. And I also realise that I'm a very insecure person; my friends who I've confided in all tell me this. My boyfriend hardly keeps in touch with me, even though I already told him that I want to be in contact with him at least 10 minutes a day, or a little text or two can do as well. But I understand that he's busy with his own life. And currently he has family problems.

 

The problem about our relationship here isn't one but two things.

 

1) We're of different religion, and his family aren't keen on him going out with girls who aren't of the same religion as him. Recently a family member of his fell very ill and he's been occupied. So much has been going through his mind that when we last talked, he said he wanted to think our relationship over. Only when he called me again another time did I realise that he was indirectly breaking up with me. I knew that our relationship wouldn't last, due to the religion factor. But I didn't think that the end would come this soon. I honestly still have very strong feelings for him and couldn't imagine breaking up with him just yet.

 

2) I also recently found out that my boyfriend still really likes this girl he met before me. He never had the guts to tell her what he really felt about her, and kept it to himself for a year. Within that time, he had 2 girlfriends, me being the second. He thought that he could get over her within that time. But they met up again just recently (they have mutual friends) and he fell for her all over again. This time he told her what he felt for her. What makes me really annoyed is that when we first started going out, he had told me about this girl and how he used to like her. When I asked him if he still liked her, he denied it. So I was totally devastated to find out that in fact he still does have feelings for her. The girl has no romantic interest in him though, and only wants to remain as friends.

 

I asked my boyfriend whether there was any other reason for him to come to the decision of breaking up with me besides his family's disapproval, and he said no; it was just his family problems that made him come to this decision. I still feel that he's not telling me the truth though, and I think that the girl may somehow be involved in his decision. He tells me he still loves me. I told him that I want him to keep holding on. But he seemed ready to let things go. How do I persuade him not to?

Posted

What are you holding on for? If religion is going to be a problem in the long run, then staying together and developing deeper feelings for him will only be more painful for you in the end...not to mention the time you've wasted when you could have been developing a relationship with someone who has no religious incompatibility.

 

As for the other girl, well, you know he has feelings for her and they haven't gone away in the two years he's known her. If she's not into him, eventually he'll have to get over it, but right now, yeah, he probably still wishes he could be with her. It would bother me if I knew my bf wanted someone else instead...he DID tell her his feelings WHILE he was supposedly dating you...what if she had said, great, I feel the same way!? Would he have just dropped you?

  • Author
Posted
What are you holding on for? If religion is going to be a problem in the long run, then staying together and developing deeper feelings for him will only be more painful for you in the end...not to mention the time you've wasted when you could have been developing a relationship with someone who has no religious incompatibility.

 

I still love him. I knew we wouldn't have a future in this and I was never looking for anything long term in the first place, so I was ready to take the risk when I fist went out with him. However, I'd rather we break up on mutual decision as well as with lessened feelings for each other.

 

It would bother me if I knew my bf wanted someone else instead...he DID tell her his feelings WHILE he was supposedly dating you...what if she had said, great, I feel the same way!? Would he have just dropped you?

 

I have thought of that possibility; and I think he would. :( I'd end the relationship if he did. I can't have him having feelings for someone else while being with me. But I don't understand why he keeps on denying when I ask him if there is anyone else involved which brought up his decision to break up with me.

Posted
I still love him. I knew we wouldn't have a future in this and I was never looking for anything long term in the first place, so I was ready to take the risk when I fist went out with him. However, I'd rather we break up on mutual decision as well as with lessened feelings for each other.

 

Well, he has changed his mind and doesn't want to keep going under the circumstances. You can't impose what you would rather have on a break-up...he who wants to break up is the one who does it, that's how break ups work.

 

I have thought of that possibility; and I think he would. :( I'd end the relationship if he did.

 

Um, again, I'm confused about your views on breaking up. If she had said she had feelings for him and he dropped you, HE would have ALREADY broken up with you - you wouldn't have a choice on ending it. He would have already done so.

 

I can't have him having feelings for someone else while being with me. But I don't understand why he keeps on denying when I ask him if there is anyone else involved which brought up his decision to break up with me.

 

He denies it because he's not actually involved with her...he's not seeing how his feelings for her are a problem. He just thinks since he's not dating her, the fact that he has feelings for her is not relevant. But it is, very relevant.

Posted

I'm sorry, but I really don't think he loves you. You want a man who loves you, who really cares. A guy who loves you WANTS to talk to you everyday, you don't need to ask him that you want to be called.

If a guy told me he had feelings for another girl, I would be gone. You deserve to be first in his heart!

I don't think the religion issue is really a factor in him breaking up with you...he just doesn't appear to have the same feelings for you as you have for him. You can't force someone to love you or want you.

It is good to stop hanging on because if you kept the farce of a relationship going, it would hurt worse months or a year from now when it came to an end. It's only been five months of dating, and he has decided that he doesn't want a relationship with you. That is the purpose of dating. You have to accept that and move on. You want a man who really wants you, not someone else.

Posted

Trust me on this one. Ditch this guy faster than yesterdays paper. My last ex was of a different faith and never truly let me into his heart. All it did was waste 1 year of my time and rip my heart to shreds. Now he's dating someone of his same faith (last he told me, before we were NC, back in May). If you're making excuses now for the "but i love him" and such, it's not going to work.

 

I hate to be so frank, but well, I'm trying to save you from dealing with what I'm dealing with now, the emotional torment of truly loving someone that never really loved you back.

BlueEyedSarah
Posted
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel very comfortable around him and we can talk about almost anything with each other. For the past month we've been dating long distance as I've got some work to deal with. There'll be another 2 months till I see him again.

 

I trust him and he knows that. And I also realise that I'm a very insecure person; my friends who I've confided in all tell me this. My boyfriend hardly keeps in touch with me, even though I already told him that I want to be in contact with him at least 10 minutes a day, or a little text or two can do as well. But I understand that he's busy with his own life. And currently he has family problems.

 

The problem about our relationship here isn't one but two things.

 

1) We're of different religion, and his family aren't keen on him going out with girls who aren't of the same religion as him. Recently a family member of his fell very ill and he's been occupied. So much has been going through his mind that when we last talked, he said he wanted to think our relationship over. Only when he called me again another time did I realise that he was indirectly breaking up with me. I knew that our relationship wouldn't last, due to the religion factor. But I didn't think that the end would come this soon. I honestly still have very strong feelings for him and couldn't imagine breaking up with him just yet.

 

2) I also recently found out that my boyfriend still really likes this girl he met before me. He never had the guts to tell her what he really felt about her, and kept it to himself for a year. Within that time, he had 2 girlfriends, me being the second. He thought that he could get over her within that time. But they met up again just recently (they have mutual friends) and he fell for her all over again. This time he told her what he felt for her. What makes me really annoyed is that when we first started going out, he had told me about this girl and how he used to like her. When I asked him if he still liked her, he denied it. So I was totally devastated to find out that in fact he still does have feelings for her. The girl has no romantic interest in him though, and only wants to remain as friends.

 

I asked my boyfriend whether there was any other reason for him to come to the decision of breaking up with me besides his family's disapproval, and he said no; it was just his family problems that made him come to this decision. I still feel that he's not telling me the truth though, and I think that the girl may somehow be involved in his decision. He tells me he still loves me. I told him that I want him to keep holding on. But he seemed ready to let things go. How do I persuade him not to?

 

I've experinced a break up due to relegion too.

 

It hurts even more to be hanging onto that person you 'love', so if you hang on to this fella you like right now you will only end up worse off hurt. Move on from him, have nc from him and heal your heart. Relegion seems to be a big factor in relationships.

×
×
  • Create New...