Rayofsunshine Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Okay here is my story... I have been with my BF (now ex) for 10 years, about two and a half years ago we got a house together and started on with the next chapter in our lives. About three months ago we went looking at engagement rings and found a really pretty ring. He put a deposit on the setting and bought the diamond and we sent it out to be set. I thought everything was finally falling into to place. Then two weeks ago everything came crashing down. I found out that he was behind (about 4 months) on the mortgage and that his bills were piling up. I knew that things were a little crazy with his bills because of work not reimbursing him his expenses right away. Before everything came crashing down I had stepped up more in paying the bills to help him out. So all he was responsible for was the mortgage and his bills, I took care of everything else. After many sleepless nights of figuring out what to do he said that he came up with a solution. He said that he need to figure this out on his own and that we should part ways. He said that he didn't want to bring me down finacially with him. I make less then him and I was stepping up to pay the bills he couldn't and it was tapping me out and charging up my cards. Not to mention that I also have a child to support. I told him that we were in this together and we can work this out but he didn't think so so he told me that I should move back home with my mom to get my bills down. He told me that he couldn't commit to me because he didn't know how long it would take him to get himself finacially situated and that he was going to sell the ring. I told him that if I move out we will no longer be together. We had gone through a break up 5 years ago when he got freaked out and left the realationship and I told him that if he did this to me again it would be over. I called his family and they went to talk to him about loaning money to him to pay down the bills and he would only have to make a payment to them but it didn't work. His parents ended up making the mortgage curent but that was all he would allow them to do. I was devastated because how do you leave someone or just walk away for this reason? He told me to take my time packing that the mortgage was paid until August and he would help with anything. He was thinking about selling the house so he wouldn't have that payment anymore as well as the home equity line of credit. Then all of a sudden his attitude changed and he became nasty to me and my son. He would come home and not talk and then tell me that our relationship was having problems for a while and come up with all of these excuses. He said that all we do is pick at each other and he can't deal with it. Everyone kept telling him that he was making a rash decision that he will regret due to the finacial issue and that he needs to deal with that first before making other decisions, but he wouldn't listen. During this time he started sleeping in the spare bedroom and kept telling me we are over with different excuses everyday. As I started packing to leave he would always leave and go for a motorcycle ride or go to his cousins house at the shore, in other words run away. I was suppose to move out next Saturday July 14th but after he took everything out of the master bedroom of mine (when I was at work) and put it in the spare bedroom (but he didn't throw it in there he set up the room just like it was in the master bedroom, even made the bed for me????) so he wouldn't have to be inconveinced by having to sleep in there, I stepped up my moving day and moved this past weekend on Saturday. His father and brother came to help me move because they feel bad about what is going on and also they are family to me and as usual my ex took off and didn't help. But before he left he started to argue with me about stupid things that he thought I took like a ream of copy paper that he got from work. Then on Saturday night he called to discuss things he said that i ledt things there and he wanted to know what I wanted to do with them and that I took things he wanted back - a pizza pan and a lighter (one of those new bic lighters that you can get at Bed Bath and Beyond to light candles and grills). Mind you everything except some pieces of furniture in the house was mine, so I packed everything that was mine and that was all I took. He wanted closure on everything, which confused me because didn't he get it by me leaving? He started yelling on the phone at me and I calmly said that this is what he wanted and I hung up. His father went up to talk to him on Sunday and told him to let the pizza pan, etc go. That he caused this situatution and know he has to live with it. He is being so nasty and mean and total opposite of how he was two weeks. He told me last Thursday that he can't relax when I'm there and I cause him stress, yet he never talked to me or he would be in a different room. I am struggling with the way the whole thing came about and I don't know what to do. I was completely blindsided and I don't understand why he is acting this way after being together for 10 years? I am going through a range of emotions constantly, one minute I'm angry the next I am crying and upset. I just don't understand what happened. The bad thing is that his mother's b-day is this Saturday and she wants my son and I to be there, as does the rest of the family but he will be there too. I have never seen him act this way in the whole 10 years we have dated and I'm just not sure what to do to help me move on. I feel like our life together meant nothing to him and he can walk away so easily and I'm the one having a hard time with it. I talked with his mother the other day and found out that he finally realized that he can't pay these bills on his own (which we all told him that) and has agreed to take the help from his family. That really upsets me because this all could have been avoided if he would have done that in the first place. I just don't know what to do!
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