mrpeanut Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Basically ive bin with my girlfriend for about 6 month. We were very happy for the 1st few months ,as all couples are, but recently things haven't been to great.I was in a relationship about 2 years ago that lasted for 8 months and found out at the end f the relatonship that my ex had been using me to get back in touch with her mother as she didnt like being alone. So as soon as she patched things up with her mum she binned me off claiming that she didn't love me for half of the relationship. Also she would talk to guys on IM's and talk bout meetin them and so on..Anyway, both me and my current girlfriend have always been worried about losin each other to someone else. I mean we both say we trust each other, that we both think neither of us will cheat, but are worried of if it did happen. Now im beggining to think that us saying this is just covering up how we dont trust each other. The amount of time we've talked about this still hasn't seemed to put my mind at ease.Another thing is when we got together, she was sort of seeing someone at the time but she spent time with me and evenetually stopped seeing this guy. Now weve bin together for months and i recently checked her phone because another lad was texting her all the time ( i know its wrong to check her phone) n saw that he wanted to get with her but she denys wanting anything to do with him as she loves me so much. But i saw the other day there was a txt off the guy she was seein when she got with me sayin "u looked gorgoues as always tonight. it was nice seein you again. If you ever want me im always here." and another 1 sayin "im sorry i didnt get to say goodbye" aswell. Now my girlfriend works as a waitress in a pub so probably saw him there as she was working that night. But she not mentioned it too me at all and its really got me worrying. I dont want her to do the same to me as she did to him ( although they were only together a couple of weeks). I also worry that shes gonna be texting lads behind my back, sort of how my ex was. I want to confront her about it , but ive done wrong and looked through her phone. I dont know what to do because i love her soo much, i just dont want to lose her, im just so unbelivably paranoid that im going to. I dont no what to do.The whole fact that i've gone to a website to discuss this and not to my girlfriend shows there must be something wrong. I just cant seem to get my feelings across. I no that my paranoia will ruin the relationship, so i just want to stop worrying. I just dont want to lose her. Sorry if i waffled on.
Brioli Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 awww sweetie it sucks to worry like that, but I would definetly take heart in the fact that she told him how much she LOVED YOU! Did you check to see if she responded to his text messages? If she didn't that is a very good sign too. Just remember, if she wanted this guy she could have had him. She chose you In society today we are tempted by so much, and everyone ends up with a broken heart and trust issues these days. It is very sad. But...sounds like you guys have a good thing going. I would do my best to trust her, and if you don't, pretend you do. I understand your concern about her though....since she started seeing you behind the other guys back..but it was probably because she just wasn't happy with him and didn't want to hurt him. That doesn't make it right but it's usually the case. I would definitely not tell her you went through her phone, and I see no reason to confront her either....but I would continue to check behind her. If nothing else it will ease your worries or confirm the reasons to worry. Don't ever tell her though, because she will get very upset...but sometimes it helps to know that everything is ok or it's not. At least that way you not in the dark. This is one of those pick and choose your battles thing...because if you tell her what you did...she is likely to make sure you never have the chance to do it again...and then you won't no anything. Right now you have nothing really to confront her about...wait until you have enough evidence of several things (and I mean evidence that is PROVEN beyond a shout of a doubt) of her cheating then go to her with all of it. My guess is you will discover along the way, it's just these guys and she is doing nothing wrong. Which will one, put your mind at ease, and two let you know for sure that she is a keeper. You can do this without telling her you went through her phone too. Hope this helps, *Bri
Enema Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Some things your partner doesn't need to know about. This is one of those things. If she had no intention of seeing this guy again and just ran into him at the pub... you would never have known they met and wouldn't now be getting jealous and paranoid. By snooping through the phone you've just created needless heartache for yourself. There's nothing more unattractive than an insecure, untrusting paranoid partner.
Brioli Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 Some things your partner doesn't need to know about. This is one of those things. If she had no intention of seeing this guy again and just ran into him at the pub... you would never have known they met and wouldn't now be getting jealous and paranoid. By snooping through the phone you've just created needless heartache for yourself. There's nothing more unattractive than an insecure, untrusting paranoid partner. I agree with you Enema..at least about, "there is nothing more unattractive than an insecure, untrusting, paranoid partner" But I have to disagree on the , "creating needless heartache" I have come to realize there are two types of people. One type doesn't want to know anything, and continue to believe their relationship is bliss..which it may be The other wants to know everything, no matter how painful it may be or not be. I fall under the second one, because some people would rather know for sure who they are dealing with, then be caught by surprise years down the road when something surfaces and you have sacrificed your heart, time, etc.... I am notorius for investigating my partners past and actions without them knowing it. That way I know what I dealing with before I put my heart into it. *Bri
Author mrpeanut Posted July 10, 2007 Author Posted July 10, 2007 Thanks a lot bri, you've put my mind at ease a little. With regards to seeing about replies, shes got a reli old phone at the moment since her old 1 broke so she can only save a few messages. So there were none saved in her outbox. I worry aswell that when we go out and drink my feelings about this will come up as i sometimes find it hard to communicate my feelings across to her , but find it very easy to when im drunk. Shes going on holiday next week for a week so im not going to see her which was really gonna make me paranoid. Now we were talking about it last night though and we said we were really gonna miss each other and she cried at one pint. So thins makes me think that i have just read i nto this way to much. - Just ive had problems with trust since my ex. But as you said about her nt being happy with her ex, i spoke to her while she was with her ex n she said she felt the happyiest she ad bin with him. and they didnt reli break up so much as drift apart n stop seein each other. There was no break up involved at all. So i suppose im just threatened of an ex like a lot of people can be. Thank for your feedback , i wont mention it. i just hope i dont bring it up when we go out.
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