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How do you build an emotional wall? Something to think about....


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Posted

I have an interesting thought. You always see articles and books written about how to get your significant other to be more open emotionally, to break down the barriers, etc.

 

My question is: How does an emotional wall get built in the first place? Instead of a post on how to get someone closer to you, how about one on keeping your distance emotionally?

Posted

Oh man. I am the queen of emotional walls. And the funny thing is, I used to call them that too. I called it "my wall". I was always famous with my boyfriends and my friends for putting "my wall" up. It was like I would make a choice that I was done with you or I wasn't going to let any emotions come through, and that was that. Once I realized that nothing was going to come out of a relationship, that it was just going to be a FWB or that the guy wasn't serious about me or that he was a player, I might still continue to hang out with him just to have some fun, but I never let myself feel any thing more for that person.

 

I honestly don't think it is a good thing tho. I believe that it is unhealthy because you are not dealing with your emotions. You basically just block them out. It's like " Oh, you don't like me like that, or you just want to sleep with me, ok fine. I don't care, I am not going to let that hurt me." And you just keep telling yourself that you are not hurt by it. You never accept your true feelings.

 

I have never liked to show my vulnerability and admit that I hurt too. I don't want people to know that other people are capable of hurting me. I guess to me it is a sign of weakness. I don't know, I don't understand it either. I know that it is probably not the best way or even a good way to deal with feelings and emotions, but it is the way I work, I guess. I honestly can't tell you how I do it tho. Sorry.

Posted

Ask married people with spouses who nag or get mad at trivial things. They become good at building walls.

 

I became better after learning that I am not repsonsible for my wife being in a good mood. I sometimes got frustrated trying to do everything perfectly to make her happy. But I've learned that that is not possible, so instead I put up a wall and realize if she's going to be mad she's going to be mad. The only person who can fix that is her.

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Posted

Interesting....I think I am trying to build one (just a small one) because I knwo that when it comes to my fiance I can sometimes be way too sensitive about things. Things that I know he will never change.

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