Hard lessons Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Hi All, I'd be really grateful for your feedback on my woes. The Scene- We've been together for seven years, married for 18 months now. Six weeks ago I get a 3am phonecall from the OW telling me she had slept with my husband before and after we married. He confessed the minimum the next day. We had a fairytale wedding with a fantastic honeymoon both abroad. I never had reason to believe that we were unhappy at all, we had not particularly argued, just easy going folks. We have had no other factors to consider inc. money, stepkids, families- nothing. Aside from his feeling that the frequency in our love making was not often enough and I rejected him. Since then we have talked like we have never before. The outcome of this is that I realise that he never ever made a decision relevant to our relationship. I was me who made every decision, though it was a standing joke that he never did. He says he thought I did not love him and was afraid of rejection so therefore assumed if he wanted to make love to me I would reject him. So he used another woman to pacify his rejection. On the night before the rejection, he refused her offers, her being stronger than me, wreaked vengeance with the phonecall. I have since learnt that one night on our honeymoon, i fell asleep, when he wanted to make love to me. He could take no more and in spite (his words) he had her name tattooed (in Thai) on himself. This was the final straw for me, I freaked out, I beat him to a pulp, i cut up ALL his clothes, emptied his bank account and posted his profile with a picture on the Gaydar website. In fact because he moved into my existing house, the only thing he owns is a bicycle, guess who bought that? He must be the only man on the whole planet to have ever tattooed his mistress' name on himself on his honeymoon!! I forgot to tell you, i've only just realised he's stupid, that's because I adored him and never noticed before. I realised now everything I have done was building for our future, incuding buying a foriegn holiday home with some inheritance money of mine. All this time he was doing exactly what he wanted. I've had the apologies and the tears. He now thinks that we can really make a go of it because he can truly talk to me now. He says he never wanted a relationship with her, he just used it as a release, yeah right! He doesn't want her now. I am confident enough to know I can go it alone, I was happily single for a few years before him. I don't understand how I cannot break that last thread with him, why I cannot do it. Does anyone know the psychology behind this one?
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