Lynna Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I was offline most of this weekend because my H was home and he does not know that I chat here on LS. It made me wonder whether I should tell him? Before we moved back in together it was not an issue, but now it is. I am expecting him to be open and honest with me so that we can heal ourselves and hopefully our relationship, but am I being a hypocrite for not telling him that I chat here? I have not hidden from him any of my feelings about what he has done, and obvisously he knows all the details! He knows that I have not talked to any of my family or friends about anything that has happened. And initially I had said how hard it was for me not to have someone to talk to about it. Should I tell him? Though I don't write anything he does not already know, I do write it in ways that would probably be uncomfortable for him to read. I also would not feel as comfortable opening up if I knew that he was reading too. I guess this is something I need to ask about in counseling when I can eventually go. Does LS count as a big group EA? After all we are providing emotional support for each other and sharing some pretty intimate details about our lives! I would appreciate any adivice on how you have dealt with this. How many of you have told your spouse/SO that you chat on LS? Thanks!
Kislette Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Though I don't write anything he does not already know, I do write it in ways that would probably be uncomfortable for him to read. I also would not feel as comfortable opening up if I knew that he was reading too. many of you have told your spouse/SO that you chat on LS? Thanks! I think it's good for you to have a place you can freely express yourself and get support without worrying about your husband finding out. But it might be a good idea to ask your counselor for another opinion on that. I haven't told my husband I've been here but I think he could use the support more than I could because he's the betrayed one. I don't know what kind of impact reading what I wrote would have on him - I've pretty much told him everything I said here. I am mostly concerned that knowing I'm here would keep him from being able to express himself freely. I think I'll have to ask the H and the MC about it during one of our sessions.
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Just because someone is married or has an SO...does that mean that you cannot have your own 'life' anymore... your own 'secrets' or 'fantasies'... I don't think so... These sites are inoffensive... so if I were you, I wouldn't tell him... that's none of his business.
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I should add... whenever you have a discussion about your personal life with one of your friend... do you feel the obligation to tell your husband about it... I see this site as being like talking to your friends... no big deal.
JackJack Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Yes, my wife knows about this site. She will come here every so often and read some of the posts, and gets quite amused by some.
Lostgurl Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 It all depends on what type of person your husband is. How do you think he'd react? Is he the jealous type? Or, is he ok with you speaking to other people? I for one, would say, no don't tell him. You have a right to come to your own little private nook on the web, to get advice and support. It shouldn't make you feel guilty because it's all innocent right? I had that problem. I felt super guilty coming here, like i was decieving my bf, when i wasn't, really. But that is only coming from me, and my experiences and the type of person that my ex is. It's different for everyone.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Lynna, My thought on this was since I was using it as therapy (a way to get my thoughts out of my head) and support I did not tell. Infact, I've been reading here for over a year before I even registered and posted. I have been very careful since then to be sure that my cache was cleared so it wasn't accidentally found by my husband. If I were in therapy my husband would know that but only know what I chose to tell him otherwise. Got it? I few weeks ago my 10 year old son ratted me out to my husband! Apparently he noticed that mom changes screens when he comes in and spys to get the address. Even told my husband its .org not .com. ARRGGGHHH! So he asked me about it and I explained. . I asked my husband to leave this to me. It really the only support that I have. He agreed but he's a man who's word is worth nothing. I DO NOT, HOWEVER think that he could find any enjoyment in reading my words. For someone like him they are worse than a beating. He doesn't accept personal responsibility the way normal people do. It has made me think twice before posting some things though, and to send more pm's that usual.
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Yes, my wife knows about this site. She will come here every so often and read some of the posts, and gets quite amused by some. She gets amused by some.... let me guess... I bet she gets amused at YOURS....
curiousnycgirl Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I certainly never hid the fact that I post here, nor did I feel the need to go out of my way to tell him. The other day I was at his house waiting for him to be ready to go out and was browsing on LS when he walked in. He asked me what it was (not in a happy tone of voice) and I told him, showed him the overall forum structure and even showed him my last post which happened to be in the platonic section. I'm fairly certain he won't remember my screen name here and if he does and searches, he will find some posts about him that he may not like - but none of the content would be of any surprise to him, so I'm not very concerned.
Missy27 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I was offline most of this weekend because my H was home and he does not know that I chat here on LS. It made me wonder whether I should tell him? Before we moved back in together it was not an issue, but now it is. I am expecting him to be open and honest with me so that we can heal ourselves and hopefully our relationship, but am I being a hypocrite for not telling him that I chat here? I have not hidden from him any of my feelings about what he has done, and obvisously he knows all the details! He knows that I have not talked to any of my family or friends about anything that has happened. And initially I had said how hard it was for me not to have someone to talk to about it. Should I tell him? Though I don't write anything he does not already know, I do write it in ways that would probably be uncomfortable for him to read. I also would not feel as comfortable opening up if I knew that he was reading too. I guess this is something I need to ask about in counseling when I can eventually go. Does LS count as a big group EA? After all we are providing emotional support for each other and sharing some pretty intimate details about our lives! I would appreciate any adivice on how you have dealt with this. How many of you have told your spouse/SO that you chat on LS? Thanks! Funny you should mention this. I told my F last night and he laughed so much he nearly pee'd himself I had already predicted his reaction. He's emotionally introvert and thinks places like this are (in his words) "a crock of sh~t". I'm not offended. I knew what he'd think, but at least I know he's not going to be interested enough to start looking through my threads and find all the rants I have had or will have about him. Who's the stupid one ~ !
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I told my bf about it, I don't know why. Maybe I felt guilty that I spend so much time on here but was hiding it from him? He wanted to know what I was doing when he called and I didn't really have a lie prepared, then I saw no real reason to lie because I wasn't doing anything wrong. His initial reaction was anger and he hung up on me. Once I assured him this was not a dating site and that most of the posters are female and that nothing fishy was going on, he seemed mostly ok with it, other than that he doesn't like his business being made public. I said I have no picture up or any specific info and I enjoy chatting with people on here about general BS, not just problems, because I really don't have a lot of friends to chat with about stuff and I do get lonely and everyone on here is pretty cool. He seemed to understand and probably figures it's better than me going out and flirting with guys or whatever else, since he's not around for me during the week. I have a hard time having meaningful conversations with some of the people I know. Many of them are pretty scatterbrained and/or not very articulate/educated. I am not quite sure why this is. I like that everyone on here expresses themselves and their points of view pretty well, and everyone has their own wisdom gleaned from experience. I'm very glad to have found LS!
VinaAmez Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Na. You guys wouldn't want him on here. I take that back, I don't want him on here. LOL!!
Melissa277 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 H has no idea and he's too stupid to get on the computer and find it. Oooops. Did I write that out loud? Well, if he ever does find LS, he'll sure get an eyefull but I don't care. It's nothing I haven't said to his face and actually some days, I feel like letting him read the things I and other people write. Maybe it would wake him up. You're right though ... it is a big EA and if your H is anything like the rest of us, he'll become obsessed and you'll never be able to get on the computer. Seriously, though Lynna. I wouldn't tell him ... not with your situation the way it is. If you must tell him, wait until things calm down ... a lot. Melissa
Love is Tragic Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I was offline most of this weekend because my H was home and he does not know that I chat here on LS. It made me wonder whether I should tell him? Before we moved back in together it was not an issue, but now it is. I am expecting him to be open and honest with me so that we can heal ourselves and hopefully our relationship, but am I being a hypocrite for not telling him that I chat here? I have not hidden from him any of my feelings about what he has done, and obvisously he knows all the details! He knows that I have not talked to any of my family or friends about anything that has happened. And initially I had said how hard it was for me not to have someone to talk to about it. Should I tell him? Though I don't write anything he does not already know, I do write it in ways that would probably be uncomfortable for him to read. I also would not feel as comfortable opening up if I knew that he was reading too. I guess this is something I need to ask about in counseling when I can eventually go. Does LS count as a big group EA? After all we are providing emotional support for each other and sharing some pretty intimate details about our lives! I would appreciate any adivice on how you have dealt with this. How many of you have told your spouse/SO that you chat on LS? Thanks! Hell no, my H doesnt know!! lol, i would be in a world of trouble for sure.. In fact, i only log on here at work and not at home so he wont see it in history. and i changed my birth date and dont give out any specific details.
JackJack Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 She gets amused by some.... let me guess... I bet she gets amused at YOURS.... Yes, I'm quite funny, thanks.
FireandIce Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 I'm not hiding it from my husband but I don't talk about the site either. He saw the name one day and asked me what it was so I told him it was a site that I go to that discusses marriages and such. I honestly don't care if he wanted to read my posts because everything I say on here is the same stuff I say to him anyways so nothing would shock him.
Author Lynna Posted July 10, 2007 Author Posted July 10, 2007 Thanks everyone. It helps to hear how you deal with LS in your relationships. I know that everyone is different. I think for now I won't tell my H about it. I will just not go on when he is around. Even though I don't really say anything here that I have not said to him, I don't think he would be all that happy about how I say it. I say things differently here than I do to him. He knows, and is appreciative of the fact that I have not talked about his A with any of our friends, and he knows that is making it harder for me to deal with the whole thing - I have said so many times before I found LS. So I don't think he would ask me not to chat here. I like the analogy to counseling. I don't want to know everything that he will say in IC, and I know I won't want him to know everything I say in IC. Since I can't have IC right now until I get insurance, then LS will be my IC. At some point I may tell him that I have been chatting online as a form of therapy and coping, but I don't think I will tell him the name of the site.
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