flyguy1784 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 My girlfriend and i have been dating for over 3 years and everything has been great but this last month. I was her first serious relationship and we had a great time traveled the world together. With in the last year she moved about 4 hours away for work so we haven't seen as much of each other. The last time i saw her she brought up the fact that she needs space i asked why. Her response was she hasn't ever been independent she feels like all her friends are my friends and she wants to go and figure her life out she also said she loves me and feels like i am the one but she wants to make sure that it is true. So i went along with her space idea don't like the idea but thats what she wants. Here is where i am lost before she left she started crying and couldn't stop hugging me for about twenty mins. Her last line to me was i love u and i cant picture my life without you and i don't want that to change she kissed me and drove away. She also sent me an email before she came over that night kind of explaining how she is feeling here it is: That is what I want (to be with you), but right now I need to just let go. I dont want it to be forever, but its not fair to you or me to try and put a time frame on this. I should have never let it gt to this point, but I guess I always just figured I could let stuff go - but I couldnt and now its built up to a point that I really cant deal with it. I think being away from you will help me realize that I still want to be with you, that I love you in the way I did, and that I more or less need you in me life. Right now, I cant say that I feel that way - but I do want nothing more than to feel that way again. Can any ladies out there help me understand what she is saying here? I know i need to not contact her but this is eating away at me should i totally move on or should i keep a little hope that the love of my life will come back to me? Please help me figure out what she is doing here!
Reckless Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 The note is pretty clear and self explanatory, she doesn't feel ready to totally commit, she's been feeling suffocated/divided for some time, she loves you but she wants out. Its a Dear John note. I wouldn't hold out much hope. Don't contact her and do your best to keep busy. View it as a breakup and try to move on. She will contact you periodically over the next few weeks and months and swing from cool indifference to desperate melodrama. She will miss you (because she's not so much leaving you as wanting to find other things (men/situations). She may well regret it and try and get back together but I reckon those kind of second tries IF they happen are doomed to failure. Once you break something it tends to say broken. Sorry, R
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 She is breaking up with you, while leaving her options open in case things don't work out for her. Chances are she has met someone else, and is feeling out this new relationship and in case it doesn't work for her she wants to know she has a backup plan. Honestly, when someone hands you a "break" the best thing to do is hand them back a solid "breakup". Why? 1. It keeps them from stringing you along, and keeps you from harboring false hope and wishful thinking. 2. It gives them a chance to see what life will really be without you, and they can better decide if they want you in their life or not. 3. It gives you a chance to find someone who will make you a priority in their life, and not demote you down to a mere option. I wouldn't bother contacting her. Consider it a breakup and move on with your life as if she has broken up with you. If she contacts you, let her know that you don't want to be with someone who needs 'space' and that the best thing to do is to say 'goodbye' and then end the conversation.
funkybassplayer Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I think she wants out mate, lets face it shes gone 4 hours down the road, why would she ask for space? Its a goodbye, and i suspect that the hug was a goodbe hug too. Please be strong, there is going to be lots of emotions on both parts to follow. I went back with my ex=never works, there is no 2nd time. Its her first relationship, and she wants to go out there and experiance new things and people. I think if you try to hold on, your gonna get hurt. Hold your head high mate, be strong.
extra-ordinary_guy Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 I recently broke up with my girlfriend in similar circumstances after two years together and four years previously as friends. While I was with her I wasn't sure she was the one and was constantly racked with doubt. How do you know if she's the one??(Please don't say 'you just know!'). As a result I was unwilling to commit to her. Her attempts at getting me to commit felt like I was being suffocated. I told her the same thing when we broke up- "I need space on my own" - (this is all I knew at the time). I think your girlfriend's breaking up with you, but she's not sure of her decision and is afraid she might be making the mistake of her life. This is how it was for me anyway.
Author flyguy1784 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Posted July 16, 2007 Here is an update for everyone. She left me a voicemail after about a Week of no contact I sent her an email at the start of the no contact week explaining that if this is what she wants to be happy then I will go along with it I also told her how much she means to me and so on. This is what the voicemail said "Hey thanks for that email it means so much to me to hear you finally say the way you really feel about me I always wanted to hear that from you I just didn't know that it would take this to get the feelings out of you. You know I love you I just don't love you in the way for us to be together and I think that I can love you like that again I just need my time. I need to know that you are who I think you are and the way I think I am going to realize that is by getting away right now. I love you and I just want to love you in the way that I did before for us to be together." I haven't called her back I think I am going to give it another week send her a little note saying hey was just thinking about you hope life is going well type thing. I don't know what the voicemail is saying but it gives me hope that she will come back she has never lied before and if this is her reason for the break then I am feeling even better about it. Extra- I know you don't want to hear it but I don't know how to explain how I know but this is my best shot at it. I have been very succsesfull in my short 23 years on this earth, I have traveled the world, I was in charge of a 1.5 million dollar business at the age of 21, got all of my private pilots, commercial, airline transport pilots, instrument, and multi-engine certifications for flying all before I turned 21. I have many opportunities out there right now and I have been successful but none of these bring me the joy and fulfillment that I get by just sitting and talking to my girlfriend. I would give up anything in my life for her but I never told her that and I think that is why we are in our current situation. We just click and as soon as I see her nothing else matters she is what drives me to get my work done because then I will have more time to hang out with her. I don't know if there is anyway to know for sure that someone is the love of your life but sometimes the feeling just overpowers you and you just need faith in her, yourself, and your relationship together to overcome that last little bit of "what if" in your mind. Hope that helps you I don't know what else to tell you....Good Luck!
funkybassplayer Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 your now officially on the back burner! If your happy to be there, then thats fine, if she finds another, you have to swollow it, meanwhile putting your life on hold while shes having her cake. Good luck!
Author flyguy1784 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Posted July 16, 2007 I don't think she is having her cake she has been so stressed out with everything I can't see her with anyone else and she say she has no urge do date anyone else she just wants space. She isn't the type of girl that would put me on the back burner until she finds someone else she says she doesn't want anyone else she is just hurt that I haven;t told her how much she means to me in the past 6 months and she wants to mend herself as well as see if I am really going to change.
funkybassplayer Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 I don't think she is having her cake she has been so stressed out with everything I can't see her with anyone else and she say she has no urge do date anyone else she just wants space. She isn't the type of girl that would put me on the back burner until she finds someone else she says she doesn't want anyone else she is just hurt that I haven;t told her how much she means to me in the past 6 months and she wants to mend herself as well as see if I am really going to change. Just be careful, i also heard many words from some1 i thought i knew well.
Author flyguy1784 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Posted July 16, 2007 I am going to be I am looking at it as we are broken up but there is still a little hope for use I am keeping busy making myself better not doing it for her but for me. If she tells me one day that she has started to date someone else then I think the door will be fully closed. I just can't picture that we have had such a strong relationship and she knows it she just wants sometime to think without me breathing down her neck.
frd150 Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Extra- I know you don't want to hear it but I don't know how to explain how I know but this is my best shot at it. I have been very succsesfull in my short 23 years on this earth, I have traveled the world, I was in charge of a 1.5 million dollar business at the age of 21, got all of my private pilots, commercial, airline transport pilots, instrument, and multi-engine certifications for flying all before I turned 21. I have many opportunities out there right now and I have been successful but none of these bring me the joy and fulfillment that I get by just sitting and talking to my girlfriend. I would give up anything in my life for her but I never told her that and I think that is why we are in our current situation. We just click and as soon as I see her nothing else matters she is what drives me to get my work done because then I will have more time to hang out with her. I don't know if there is anyway to know for sure that someone is the love of your life but sometimes the feeling just overpowers you and you just need faith in her, yourself, and your relationship together to overcome that last little bit of "what if" in your mind. Hope that helps you I don't know what else to tell you....Good Luck! I became successful because i was inspired by my ex to be my best for her and my future. If this all i take from the relationship (her indirect inspiration) then i am happy. Like you i would give up all my money and sucess to have her back in my life. I found out later that i could have been flat broke and it would not have mattered to her. Who knew. Bad communication i guess. I just started looking into becoming a pilot. I flew a columbia 400 the other day with a glass cockpit. Man ,was that bad A**.
bish Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 My girlfriend and i have been dating for over 3 years and everything has been great but this last month. I was her first serious relationship and we had a great time traveled the world together. With in the last year she moved about 4 hours away for work so we haven't seen as much of each other. The last time i saw her she brought up the fact that she needs space i asked why. Her response was she hasn't ever been independent she feels like all her friends are my friends and she wants to go and figure her life out she also said she loves me and feels like i am the one but she wants to make sure that it is true. So i went along with her space idea don't like the idea but thats what she wants. Here is where i am lost before she left she started crying and couldn't stop hugging me for about twenty mins. Her last line to me was i love u and i cant picture my life without you and i don't want that to change she kissed me and drove away. She also sent me an email before she came over that night kind of explaining how she is feeling here it is: That is what I want (to be with you), but right now I need to just let go. I dont want it to be forever, but its not fair to you or me to try and put a time frame on this. Translation: She wants to screw around, but keep you on a string by saying she doesn't want it to be forever. If she wants a break, give it to her......permanently. Find someone that doesn't want to go sew her oats then come back to you when she has had her fill.
IpAncA Posted July 16, 2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Sorry but it's over. . She's just trying to do this in a nice way.
heartbroken444 Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 You stated that you are only 23. How old is your ex?? I think that every girl goes through the same emotional stage when they are in their early 20s and have been serious with only one guy in their young lives. She has some growing up to do. You stated that this was her first serious relationship, she may want to see what else is out there, maybe have a little fun, and if that doesnt work for her she will realize that there is not much out there as far as good men. If you were to keep the NC and give her space, her love for you wont fade, it will only get stronger ...she wants that chase. She may love you dearly, and she probably feels like she isnt sure if shes making a mistake or not so she doesnt want to let you down too hard. Give her time, and if you are confident that you love her, and that she had feelings for you, she will come back to you and you will have love for each other like you wouldnt believe.
Author flyguy1784 Posted July 18, 2007 Author Posted July 18, 2007 She is 23 as well this is her first serious relationship and she comes from a family where her parents had a messy split after 30 years together. I think she has feelings for me the last time we talked face to face (the first day of the break) she told me that she feels like I am the one for her she is almost 100% of it but she wants to make herself fully 100% before she commits.
Recommended Posts