oppath Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I like foreplay, long extended foreplay, and I like that foreplay to sometimes extend during the day or week if I won't see the woman. For example, once I went to a gf's apartment during the day to run an errand for her, and I left a little post it on some lingerie saying something like "call me when you see this note; I'll come over and I want you to wear it." I try to do one thing like this for every 4-5 non-sexual gestures (such as a note on her bed saying 'a very beautiful woman sleeps here.'). I've tried dirty emails before too, though nothing explicit. If I'm out of town for a week or two on business or to see family I'll add in "I miss you and I can't wait to see you; as soon as you walk into my door I want to run my fingers through your hair, gaze into your eyes, caress your cheek and slowly pull your mouth up to mine. Maybe you could add the next sentence or two to continue this story." I suppose my question is: I love these things within a relationship and I want them done to me! Nothing turns me on more than LONG FOREPLAY. I love the anticipation. My question is...does this make women feel objectified? I haven't done it that often, and only after a relationship has been established. I let the women make the booty calls until that point. I'll push and pull back instead of just pushing, and I'll have 4-5 ROMANTIC overtones for every sexual one, such as "I know something about you you don't know; I know what you look like when you are asleep and I miss the way your breath feels against my neck when you're dreaming." I sometimes don't feel the women I've dated enjoyed these types of interactions, and maybe it is because I haven't said "I really like to flirt like this, is that something you'd be interested in?" Any thoughts? I just really like ANTICIPATION and to talk about sexual things in advance to build that anticipation, not always, not the most frequent form of expressing desire, but my gut feeling is that some of the women I've been with have not taken to it. Does this mean we just weren't matches? Or should I discuss that I like stuff like this before doing it? And I need to stress, this is AFTER some kind of relationship and sexual relationship has been established!
BabyPhoenix Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 My question is...does this make women feel objectified? I can only speak for myself, but no, it would not make me feel objectified. Sex is different from other life interactions. A lot of women like to be controlled during sex, or at least feel like their man is in control. Some even like to feel like sexual objects – objects of male, carnal desire. "I know something about you you don't know; I know what you look like when you are asleep and I miss the way your breath feels against my neck when you're dreaming." I think in general, the things you are saying and doing can be effective. However, I would not equate romance, like the second example, with sex. The first quote would illicit some sexual arousal, the second would illicit images of snuggling and cuddling. Romance is great, but to me it is different from sexual innuendo and foreplay. I sometimes don't feel the women I've dated enjoyed these types of interactions, and maybe it is because I haven't said "I really like to flirt like this, is that something you'd be interested in?" Any thoughts? …. Does this mean we just weren't matches? Or should I discuss that I like stuff like this before doing it? I would not ask or discuss this prior to doing it. Either they are into it, or they are not. I also think it might be the content of these interactions. As I said above, romance and sexual arousal are triggered differently. In addition, you have the have the right demeanor to pull it off. You might just be coming across as cheesy, instead of the suave Don Juan you are hoping for. Be dominant, and believe in your dominance. It also seems like you agonize over these interactions – focusing on the wording, and work so hard at it, that it becomes an overworked chore, almost an equation. “For x number of overt sexual cues, I must have 4 subtle ones.” Sex is animalistic in a way, and shouldn’t be overthought. Perhaps do what comes naturally, and try not to manipulate the situation so much. Tone it down a bit. Less is more.
Storyrider Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I think this is great and sexy. I would like to hear other posters' take on it. I think it is one of the things necessary to sustaining a sexy relationship. This has been covered a bit before in Krytellan's thread about game playing, but with a negative slant. I think it works better if there are days which are all business, followed by this kind of "foreplay" on other days. That way one is anticipating the foreplay and not taking it for granted.
tanbark813 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Good stuff. I flew out of town one year for the holidays and was gone for about a week. My gf at the time and I agreed to both abstain from masturbation while we were away from each other. I told her to pick me up from the airport wearing this long black skirt she had with no panties on. The drive home was interesting.
Lostgurl Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Wow! Oppath I wouldn't in the least feel "objectified" if my boyfriend ever done flirty and wonderful, romantic things like this. In fact I think that it would have done wonders for our relationship. *sighs* I seriously don't know why any woman wouldn't like their man, once in a relationship to do any of this.
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I like foreplay, long extended foreplay, and I like that foreplay to sometimes extend during the day or week if I won't see the woman. For example, once I went to a gf's apartment during the day to run an errand for her, and I left a little post it on some lingerie saying something like "call me when you see this note; I'll come over and I want you to wear it." I try to do one thing like this for every 4-5 non-sexual gestures (such as a note on her bed saying 'a very beautiful woman sleeps here.'). I've tried dirty emails before too, though nothing explicit. If I'm out of town for a week or two on business or to see family I'll add in "I miss you and I can't wait to see you; as soon as you walk into my door I want to run my fingers through your hair, gaze into your eyes, caress your cheek and slowly pull your mouth up to mine. Maybe you could add the next sentence or two to continue this story." I suppose my question is: I love these things within a relationship and I want them done to me! Nothing turns me on more than LONG FOREPLAY. I love the anticipation. My question is...does this make women feel objectified? I haven't done it that often, and only after a relationship has been established. I let the women make the booty calls until that point. I'll push and pull back instead of just pushing, and I'll have 4-5 ROMANTIC overtones for every sexual one, such as "I know something about you you don't know; I know what you look like when you are asleep and I miss the way your breath feels against my neck when you're dreaming." I sometimes don't feel the women I've dated enjoyed these types of interactions, and maybe it is because I haven't said "I really like to flirt like this, is that something you'd be interested in?" Any thoughts? I just really like ANTICIPATION and to talk about sexual things in advance to build that anticipation, not always, not the most frequent form of expressing desire, but my gut feeling is that some of the women I've been with have not taken to it. Does this mean we just weren't matches? Or should I discuss that I like stuff like this before doing it? And I need to stress, this is AFTER some kind of relationship and sexual relationship has been established! That would be too much... I am not that romantic myself... I like romance but not 'overly' done. Don't get me wrong... I love compliments... I love to hear that I look amazing... etc... but little notes are not my cup of tea. "I know something about you you don't know; I know what you look like when you are asleep and I miss the way your breath feels against my neck when you're dreaming." That also would be too much for me... I love the teasing..the 'looks', I love the flirting... the compliments... but the poetry and the notes... not at all... it would, in fact, be a turn-off... I would probably start laughing... and that's not good. LOL
VinaAmez Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Oh noooooo I love that. But not all the time. I like random texts and Dirty e-mails/voicemail's too. Gets me excited.:laugh::love:
Author oppath Posted July 10, 2007 Author Posted July 10, 2007 Cool. I can be cheesy at times, though my last gf wanted me to be MORE romantic. I probably embellish when I say I do 4-5 romantic things for every 1 sexual. That's not true. In fact, it is difficult for me to express feelings of affection and women typically are much more vocal than me. "That's nice, I like you too" is about all I can say; I express my romance in other ways such as purchasing a tshirt personal to me at some event/place I visited (I'm not talking tourist stuff here) or bringing over a small gourd/baby pumpkin on halloween. Though...when my last gf asked me to be more romantic, I did things wrong. I included flowers, a balloon in addition to other birthday things. Too much. And I gave too much for christmas too, though some of the things weren't gifts, they were things I was letting her borrow...then she broke up with me. In general I really like the sexual but worry if I don't do romantic things too the girl will feel objectified. I suppose the thing is to watch how they respond and be sure to compliment them other times too. Can't wait for my next girlfriend to do more of these things.
Aloros Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 I think what you've written all sounds very nice...for the right girl. For me, it would be too much. I would personally find it cheesy and overdone. It's just the type of person I am. I like to be romanced, but in a different way. I don't really do notes, flowers...anything like that. LOVE it when my bf cooks dinner for me, tells me he's thought about me all day, picks something up that shows he was thinking about me, tells me how beautiful he thinks I am and how much he loves me. I can feel it in the looks he gives me, the way he touches me and talks to me...it fills me up, and notes would be overfilling that glass, if that makes any sense. Different things for different people. I think most women would find your gestures romantic, and not at all objectifying.
Author oppath Posted July 10, 2007 Author Posted July 10, 2007 Actually, I do want to be less cheesy. That is a goal of mine. It's hard to truly represent how I act around girlfriends. And I need to realize I can "joke" with the cheesy romance. "I know what you look like when you are sleeping" (then make a bad face with my mouth wide open etc) and then say "no, you look beautiful." But blah blah blah. Many more women to romance in the future. I can't wait.
monkey00 Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 Attraction is such a powerful thing, and so is lust... an old gf of mine initiated this kind of foreplay talk after a few dates, sometimes over the web or on the phone...much more interesting than conversations about each others day! It was really good stuff and we did it back and forth. I admit though I really miss those times. But if done with subtelty and sincerity and in the right tone of voice or context, it is always a +++ for any relationship. It's just one of those things you do when there is mutual attraction in place, like grabbing the other's butt or making out.
Brioli Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 In general I really like the sexual but worry if I don't do romantic things too the girl will feel objectified. I suppose the thing is to watch how they respond and be sure to compliment them other times too. Can't wait for my next girlfriend to do more of these things. I have to say that women do like romance, but if they understand anything about men..they gotta know men LOVE SEX! I want to say too...that I LOVE stuff like this. I have tried to engage my bf in naughty text messages, and he would take it all serious saying things like, "I can't right now, I am at work" to the point that I had to say..."baby I am justing messing with you; have a little fun with me"..lol Anyway...he has gotten better about this, and plays along now. LOL! I think it's great that you do these things, but I wouldn't try so hard. Alot times when people try really hard it comes across as cheesy. Just be yourself, and do what you like. When the right one comes along for you, you will know it *Bri
VinaAmez Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 I want to say too...that I LOVE stuff like this. I have tried to engage my bf in naughty text messages, and he would take it all serious saying things like, "I can't right now, I am at work" to the point that I had to say..."baby I am justing messing with you; have a little fun with me"..lol Anyway...he has gotten better about this, and plays along now. LOL! Some men just need somethings explained. Took mine longer to realize that when I did that, it wasn't his cue to call.
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