sarme Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Why is it with all the technology that is out there to help people meet or date, that there are so many single people complaining they can't find a right match? Are these online sites just an illusion and are they lacking something or is it just a matter of sensory overload and having too many options? I would especially welcome feedback from people who have actually tried online dating but of course everyone's feedback is welcome
taiko Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Why is it with all the technology that is out there to help people meet or date, that there are so many single people complaining they can't find a right match? Are these online sites just an illusion and are they lacking something or is it just a matter of sensory overload and having too many options? I would especially welcome feedback from people who have actually tried online dating but of course everyone's feedback is welcome I havent but I know a guy who filled out a joke free questionare and he got hundreds of responces. He concluded that the site operators just sent him that so he buy in. After getting the money he expected all those responces to stop
Author sarme Posted July 9, 2007 Author Posted July 9, 2007 That's and interesting point Taiko. Thanks for your response. Now what about the free ones? There are plenty of free sites, one wouldn't necessarily have to pay...I wonder if it attracts a different crowd than a paid one?
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Why is it with all the technology that is out there to help people meet or date, that there are so many single people complaining they can't find a right match? Expectations.....
oppath Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 why should it be easy to find a match? Honestly, it should take a couple years of effort just like anything in life (career, being an athlete) along with "failures". Free sites = people who aren't as serious. Paid sites = more serious. At a paid site, people are paying to use it, so they are less likely to flake about meeting. Of course, it may also mean they are intentionally contacting more people because they are serious so they may actually flake, but most people advise to use the paid sites for good reasons. People are less on them for entertainment and more for results, actual dates! Online dating is great, but it shouldn't be your only arena. It should only supplement an active social life where you are consciously trying to meet new people of both genders. If you can balance this, you'll have the most success on and off line.
IWALH Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Most of the online dating services suck, but my friend showed me this one that isn't exactly a dating service, it's kind of like a mix between myspace and a dating service.... but not really. I don't know, it's very unique and pretty cool. okcupid.com
Tomcat33 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Expectations..... Care to elaborate what those expectations might be? What do you expect from a site? Oppath I don't think it should take a person "years"for find a right match especially if you are in your 30's and up you have a better idea of what you want and given all the exposure people have to meeting other people there is no way it should take 2 and above years of dating juts to "click" with someone on every level. This is what I mean people traing themselves to wait longer...why? IWAHL thank you for the recommendation. Can you tell me what specifically you like about the site? If it is for friends and dating don't you think it also encourages a lot of married people to be on the prowl too?
Herzen Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 A couple years ago, I was on Match. I dated around, and it was fine. I ended up meeting my current GF there. The women were fine--no crazies or seriously dysfunctional types.
Lizzie60 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I have dated mostly from the Internet or Phone Chat lines... You have to meet tons of guys before you find one that is decent. Those sites are sooo easy, some people are just passing the time on those, they are not serious... it's like a game for some. Internet sites have become so popular that it has created 'disposable' relationships... People always want to see if there is someone 'better' out there.. and they keep looking... Those sites have also facilitate cheating...
Art_Critic Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Care to elaborate what those expectations might be? I think people seemly shoot themselves in their own foot when it comes to their expectations of what they are looking for online.. they create this long laundry list of garbage that doesn't really mean anything in real terms of a relationship. the kinds of things I have seen that is just stupid is a 5'3" woman who is looking for men 6' and up... How stupid.. and she wonders why she hasn't met anyone.. the average male is 5'9". She has cut her dating pool by more than half. The list goes on.. their expectations are what makes it so they don't meet good matches to their personality
curiousnycgirl Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I met my b/f of 3 years online - but had to meet a hell of a lot of others before I met him. I think it is a combination of factors that make it so tough - the first factor being that with any online medium, people are not necessarily truthful - so you need to weed through the BS'ers first. Once you get it down to those that are serious - you need to weed out those that are delusional - like say they are gorgeous and very well to do (and honestly think both are true) and when you meet them you find that they are at best ok looking, and hold some type of blue collar position (both of which are fine, just not what you expected). The final factor is true regardless of where you meet people and that is chemistry. When you meet folks that on paper appear to be perfect for you - you may find that you just don't click. When I first started online dating there were several men I appeared to click very well with - we would have long funny/intriguing yahoo im conversations, etc. Then we would finally meet and there would be nothing! This is why I encourage folks to meet as quickly as you possibly and comfortably can. Otherwise you build the other person up in your mind - only to possibly be let down in R/T. Hope this helps.
Author sarme Posted July 9, 2007 Author Posted July 9, 2007 Thanks everyone!! Some really interesting advice here.. Now is there anything people would change or add to a site to make it better? Granted it appears it's the people that make the site worth while or not, that is going to determine the experience, but what about the site itself would you find beneficial? for example some sites let you see who is checking you out, while that can be quite nice in that it encourages you to contact someone based on the fact that they were checking you out so there must be interest, it can be a bit embarassing for those who really like someone and check a profile out two three, five times a day LOL Any little quirks you appreciate or dislike? what do you find usefull or what would you add to make the experience better?
Herzen Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I only did Match, and it was fine. Often, that first conversation can be awkward--especially if the person sounds comatose. Then you have to figure out a graceful way to end the conversation. Being in my 50's I assumed I would get little female interest, I was wrong. The attention, whether sincere or not, was flattering. Most of the 40- and 50-something women wanted a real relationship. I encountered a couple of players one of whom had over 400 Match dates! How do you keep track?! If you're an available male professional with a good income, don't have two heads and can string together a sentence or two, internet dating is akin to stepping into a candy store where you have an unlimited account. Sadly, like too much candy after over-eating, one quickly fills up over-dating. A certain "relationship search" fatigue sets in. How many first dates can one have at the local Starbucks? It's best to get in and get out over 8-12 weeks. After that, the law of diminishing returns sets in.
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Online dating didn't work well for me. At all. To elaborate on expectations, even if you seem to be sparking conversation-wise online, it's still a one-shot deal to like someone and for them to like you back (physical attraction, mostly) on your first meeting, and that rarely happens. Not for me, anyway. Unless he fits the prototype of my physical ideal (not likely) I need repeated exposure to a guy before I can really like him like that. On all the dates I went on, they wanted to know if I liked them right away, and if I could not give a positive answer (generally I couldn't), they were either offended/angry/defensive or onto the next thing.
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I must say, though, I threw the towel in pretty quickly. Dating fatigue didn't take long to set in for me. This was on match.com. I just found that I was batting 1000 in terms of meeting guys who were weird and jerky and I got discouraged.
Herzen Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I must say, though, I threw the towel in pretty quickly. Dating fatigue didn't take long to set in for me. This was on match.com. I just found that I was batting 1000 in terms of meeting guys who were weird and jerky and I got discouraged. That was what my dates usually told me. The men often lied about their age, height, weight and hair (as in having any). The weirdo-jerks made it better for us regular guys who honestly represented our physical traits and were appropriate in our demeanor and interactions. I often felt that the Match male pool was less strong than the Match female pool.
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I had one guy lie about his age and previous marital status, but I let it go and then was rebuffed for not getting back to him quickly enough for a second date! Others said some pretty rude things to me, I assumed because their egos were bruised that I wasn't keen on going out again. I just found that this businesslike approach to dating (it felt so much like going on a job interview, each and every time) didn't work well for me. Maybe if I had persisted it might've gotten better? My general feeling was that if a guy wasn't taken at this age, there was some reason for it, and in each case, it didn't take me long to figure out what the reason was. Herzen, maybe in your peer group it's a different story, people recently out of marriages and other LTRs, but it seemed to me that at my age (late 20s at the time), people were mostly settled and on the marriage track. I am thinking maybe I put too much emphasis on a guy's looks in choosing who I would go out with and then got a bunch of jerks. I just didn't really see the point of meeting people I wasn't physically attracted to, though, and I figured they were doing the same.
oppath Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 When I say it "should" take time I mean it is unreasonable to assume, "I want to get married soon" and to just go out and find someone you click with and have it work out all hunky dory. I am the busiest person I know. It takes around 1-2 years to meet someone I really click with, and they may have just exited a serious relationship, etc, and have other problems the prevent the relationship from lasting. What I am referring to is something that works out LONG LONG TERM, possibly marriage, when I refer to finding your match. there is no reason to believe that person should enter your life with moderate effort in a short amount of time. I'm 27. I might not meet my match until I am 40 and maybe she will have been divorced, twice. Now, if you are referring to people who you just click with, well, I hope I meet those people semi regularly, but still, they might not be single or have other things going on. I meet women I truly click with every couple months, but it's maybe once a year I find one who is single, and I've typically found them just out of long term relationships (23 years old let's say) and wanting to play the field, unwilling to get into a relationship even with months of dating. I guess that means they are not my match, but the point is it takes an element of luck/timing as well as choices you make to find a match.
tanbark813 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Online dating has worked reasonably well for me. I think it's mainstream enough that its success rate is about on par with that of "real-life" meetings/introductions. Girls on dating sites tend to be a bit flaky and often use pics in which they are a couple years younger and/or several pounds lighter but aside from those minor drawbacks the experience has been good.
VinaAmez Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I've never done on-line dating but I have searched around for the fun of it. I do agree it comes down to expectations. But maybe someone can answer this, what is with the good looking people on some of these sites? There's no way they can't get dates without a site. And yes I know some are just looking for sex but a lot of them on there are stating they don't want just a booty call. What's up with that? Are they really having a hard time?
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Well, maybe the pictures are more flattering than how they really look? Most people choose their best photos. That and maybe they work now and aren't meeting people routinely like when they were younger, and maybe they've exhausted their social networks already. Maybe they've already dated every single friend of a friend or maybe they have a hard time finding someone who is their equal?
melodymatters Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 I recently moved and figured for the price of a meal, joining match would be a good way to expand my social circle in a new town. I got TONS of responses. Most people didn't take the time to "get to know you" in any way. It was wink, then a sentence saying here's my phone number call me sometime. I personally needed more of a reason to call that particular person besides the fact that they could type 10 digits. I narrowed it down to 2. first guy, his stories didn't quite mesh and I went with my gut, so after the first date, I blew that one off. Second guy seemed to good to be true, and was. We had a sunday date planned ( our first meeting after about 5 phone calls) and he never called. I deleted my profile
doiask42much Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Online dating has worked reasonably well for me. I think it's mainstream enough that its success rate is about on par with that of "real-life" meetings/introductions. Girls on dating sites tend to be a bit flaky and often use pics in which they are a couple years younger and/or several pounds lighter but aside from those minor drawbacks the experience has been good. Did any of them turn into anything much? What was the outcome of those relationships?
oppath Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Online has worked well for me too, at least as far as getting dates. I've had some good ones and only a couple of weirdos. It is only one method. And yes, good looking people do use it. Stargazer, Tanny, and Myself have all used it, and while I don't know about Tanny, from what I read on LS his reputation precedes him. Getting dates is easy on and off line. I could walk into any bar or coffee shop and walk out with a date if I made this my goal, several attempts a day. But my goals lie elsewhere and online allows me to be semi-selective.
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