hope4best Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 So I have been reading all your posts for the last couple of days and it is amazing how much stronger I feel. I thought I would share my story in case anyone else is going through the same thing. My husband and I have decided that we are going down separate roads, and there really is no chance to work things out. We have been married for three years, and always agreed that we wanted to have a baby together, three weeks ago he told me he changed his mind and decided he never wants to have a child. This is a deal breaker for me, and I don't expect him to have a child for my sake anymore than he expects me to give one up. We have had a bad year and maybe this is just his out, but for now I will keep those thoughts away. We are still living in the same house and have been getting along good for the most part, I love him very much and this has been very hard for me. Until I found this site, I kept crying and hoping he would change his mind. Then I started reading, I found the 34 rules (which has helped me not act like a childish lunatic) and read all of your wonderful advice. I have been smiling and feeling pretty good. I know this will change again soon and I will be a basket case again, but for now I am doing OK. Thanks to all of you for sharing!
Ladyjane14 Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 Good for you, hon. It's a bit of a rollercoaster ride, so you'll have good days and bad days though. On a bad day, just remember that three years is a drop in the bucket next to say... thirty. You've still got your whole life ahead of you. ~And it has the potential to be whatever you make of it.
Gunny376 Posted July 9, 2007 Posted July 9, 2007 Life is pretty much what you make it, and you decide to make of it. A lot of people feel "victimizied" but the turth of the matter is that most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be. Most people acheive what they set their minds to. The day that I became fully vested in and took total respobsiblty for my own personal happines ~ you know what? That's the day I achieved it. I'm personally at the point to where I could care less if I'm ever in another LTR relationship ~ let alone marriage. I'm not chasing after "true everlasting love" and marriage anymore. Marriage is going to have to find me ~ not me find it. If it happens? That would be cool, if it doesn't? That's alright to. I don't need someone in my life to be happy. The right person comes along ~ that would be righteous. But, I'm no longer obssesd with finding her. I want someone that compliments not complicants my life. Someone who is a strong, independent, self supporting individual who wants me in their life, and I want in my life ~ because we add the "spice" to an otherwise delightful life. Like sugar to tea, mayonaise to tomatoes, salt & pepper and sour cream to a bake potato. As Lady Jane posted in another thread ~ its not about sex per say, nor about having an orgaisam ~ its about connecting, and about "making love" on more than just a physical plane ~ a sexual plane. Its about kicking the emotional connection ~ up a knotch! Its about connecting on all six cyclinders ~ mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, sexually, intelluctually!
Author hope4best Posted July 20, 2007 Author Posted July 20, 2007 I knew I would have bad days, and this one is killer! I don't know why, nothing triggered it, I just can't stop crying. I miss the life we used to have. I miss him. There is nothing that can change things, I am aware of where we both stand. I just wish that for a moment, it could be like the old days. I know that won't solve anything, and will slow the healing down, but I just want one more night of staying up until 4 a.m. looking at the stars and talking about our future and how in love we are. It hurts knowing that those days are gone forever.
quiet1one1 Posted July 20, 2007 Posted July 20, 2007 My husband and I have decided that we are going down separate roads, and there really is no chance to work things out. vs. I kept crying and hoping he would change his mind. It may not matter but have you BOTH decided or has HE and you're just giving in? Obviously takes two to work on things but maybe you want to ask him to take a step back and dig into what brought you both here? You seem to dismiss the idea that this year was "bad" but believe me that's VERY important to the situation. You're also married three years, plus and I assume you're both young, so don't go walking off the plank yet. The baby-thing may be a deal breaker though... I'd at least try to get deeper into why he changed his mind on this. If you're both willing, please consider MC. Don't give up so easily. Good luck.
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