FsuBA34 Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 So there's this girl i've been seeing for about 5 weeks or so now (I previously wrote a post about her no-showing to a party of mine). I've really started to feel pretty strongly for her, and naturally, it's starting to affect my judgment. And since summer school just ended, with nothing to do, all i can do is overanaylze, and it's driving me nuts. She's 20, i'm 25, so dating her has made me feel like i'm in high school, where everything's a big deal. Everything was cruising along perfectly...until last Saturday. Up until last week we had been seeing each other once a week, for about a month, on saturdays. There was one night when me, a friend of mine, her and a good friend of hers went to a bar, but that was about the extent of my seeing her, outside of having lunch with her at work (she works in a mall) the day after our saturday dates, which became a regularity after we did it the after our first date. We have basically talked at least to some extent (usually via very short, like 2 line internet messages basically once a day), every day since this started. I also started talking to her via instant messenger, usually when i was in class. After our second date, which went from 8 till 5 in the morning (we spent about 4 hours making out on my couch...but that was it...i tried to do a few other things to see how she felt and she kept giggling, and by the time she finally warmed up a little...she was three hours away from having to go into work , so i cut it there) we spent the next night talking for like 5 hours online. At that point I thought things were really progressing very well, we seemed to really hit off. Unfortunately, we both got sick after our marathon second date. Additionally, she had to leave town for a funeral (the second in the past month or so), so I know she's been dealing with a lot mentally. That's why I've tried to keep all of our dates lowkey (we went to an arcade/minigolf/go kart place, stayed in and watch movies, went bowling, went and played pool for our first four dates) On our third date, i never tried to kiss her (and told her as much) after the whole being sick thing. On our fourth date, since she yet again had to be at work at 8am and told me she was prepared to be out till 3am, I invited her to stay over and that i would take her to work (since we were going to have lunch anyway) and then i'd take her home. She said she'd stay over (and she did) but i again was worried about coming on too strong (since i think she's a virgin), so i didn't kiss her much (except for after we woke up for a little bit). But we didn't really sleep (it was 4am by the time we finally went to bed), we just both kinda laid there, cuddling the whole time. After this point, i'm thinking ok, it's been a month, maybe it's time to ratchet things up a bit. So i asked her out to dinner that wednesday. (despite that it was the day before one of my finals, but that's another story). She said she was nervous about going (she's very laid back, gets nervous over damn near everything, told me she has bad anxiety), but went anyway. We had another terrific night (more making out...but again that was it, i'm just not really sure how to progess), I saw her the next night at her work and had dinner with her again. I tried to kiss her that night and she actually pushed me away, saying she wasn't big about PDA's. I asked her about it later, she said she felt bad for doing it, and i'm like "it's not like i was going to jump your bones, i was just going to give you a quick kiss and try and put you a better mood" and then she's like "i thought u were gonna rape me in front of tropical smoothie" and then i told her "well ****...you caught me. I thought i'd give you a quick tease on the counter of tropical smoothie in front of everyone, i figured it would REALLY get ya going for the night" and she's like "hahahah you just made my night!" I told her it was becoming a pattern (me making her night) and she told me that was a good thing. This brings us to this past Saturday (8 days ago). We were going to have another date, she was supposed to call me when she got out of work. Well she did (i missed it) and then i called her back 10 minutes later, no answer, left a funny message about what a voicemail was (she doesn't like leaving them). Well i didn't hear from her for an hour, so i called again (I HATE being the insane call 60000 times person). Still no answer, left a message wondering what was up. Later that night i'm out with my friends upset that i didn't get to see her, she calls me drunk, claiming "I stood her up" and never called. I insisted I did, she said they never showed, and i guess she never listened to her voicemails. I met her at another club (she was with a gay male friend of hers, and this other girl) later, she was kinda weird, but then we talked. I took her phone and called her voicemail, sure enough, first thing was my voice. I tried to make her listen, her gay friend pulled her away when i did and made her dance with him (I know he's gay, he's told me as much...and it's pretty obvious). So by the end of the night, i left her a kiss, we decided we'd still have lunch, and that was that. Well she calls me 20 minutes later after dropping them off, all apologetic saying she heard my voicemails, was pissed at her phone, etc. She told me she has a tendency to not listen to her voicemails. So i said we wouldn't sweat it. The next day at lunch we talked about making up for it monday night, which turned into Tuesday (she called me after work sunday with the suggestion since we were supposed to see a movie, and that was the day of 50 cent movies) She drunk dialed me monday night (just like she had the previous friday) and i missed her call. I left her an online message the next morning saying i was mad i missed her drunk dial, she wrote me back like two hours later saying she woke up in her bathroom and wasn't sure if she'd be able to go out. So i called her later that night, no answer, left a message. By about 10 i was going out with my friends, and she called (and sounded like ****) to tell me how she felt, and i'm like that's fine, and she said something about Thursday. Well the next morning (July 4th) i was playing around on the internet and noticed she went to see the movie we were supposed to see without me, and was asking a friend of hers to go to a concert we were supposed to go to together. I got concerned at this point (my last relationship ended with the girl cheating on me with a married guy...so it's got me paranoid about being lead on now, so i'm trying to fight that). So i got online to ask her about the movie and she's like "it was kind of spur of the moment...nothing personal". I told her "you've got some major makeup work to do now missy" and she's like "we'll see". For some reason, this made me completely flip out (considering i was two days into being done with class and having nothing to do), thinking something happened saturday. So then i drunk dialed her that afternoon, left a message and said some things and then blamed my "weird actions" on my grandmother being in the hospital (which is actually true). She drunk dialed me later that night, we talked a little, everything seemed cool, then she said she'd call me tommorrow about trying to go out. She has a tendency to forget what she's talked about when drinking (she's told me as much), so i called her thursday afternoon. She said she was really busy (she's had a lot of tests at the end of last week and the begining of next) so she wasn't sure she'd be able to go out. I told her she should take a break at some point, and we were running out of time to see each other before i left town for 2-3 weeks (I came home yesterday from school...). She said she called me, never did. Well, in the interest of not flipping out the way i did wednesday, i took it as no big deal and that she was busy, went out with my friends. I drunk dialed her saying i missed seeing her that night, etc. Friday came a party i was hosting. She had been telling me forever that she'd be there...so i was curious at this point to see if she'd show. By about 9pm...I hadn't heard from her so i called to see what she wanted from the liquor store to see if she was coming. No answer, left a message saying i'd buy a certain thing if she didn't call. By midnight I'd heard nothing and hadn't seen her...so i figured she wasn't going to show. She eventually finally calls at like 10 till 2, again drunk and out with the gay kid, asking what i was doing. They eventually showed up around 3 (her and the gay kid). I talked to them both for a bit, gave her the CD i burned her with the soundtrack to the movie we were supposed to see, and a greeting card (she has a thing for greeting cards...I've done a few things like that, given REALLY cheap gifts as gestures...spending like maybe $2-5 at a time tops, my last girlfriend told me i wasn't thoughtful enough, that i was too busy joking around, so i've been trying to work on that). She liked them. I told her that was probably the last time i'd see her until i got back, gave her a hug, she seemed like she wasn't going to let me kiss her, but then i did. (Although it was just a peck). She called me later thanking me for the stuff, and i started asking what happened, and i wish i could've seen her more, and then she suggested something about doing something on saturday before she went to work. I told her to call me, she said it'd be somewhere in the 1pm hour. So, the next day (yesterday), again nothing, I called her at 2:30, left a message about maybe getting lunch. Didn't hear anything by 3:30 or so, so i went ahead and left (she was supposed to be at work at 5). Didn't like how things were going, until around 1am last night when i get a message (facebook) from her saying "booo" about where i am now and her telling me about how her sunday shift got taken, and it would be weird not going in early sunday morning all sleep deprived. So at this point, I didn't know what to think. I went to a theme park today, still haven't written her back, don't even really know what to say. If you've made it this far (congrats! hahaha) what the hell do i think? Is she just scared of being in a relationship? Is this just her being a crazy 20 year old? Am i overanalyzing the hell out of this? What the hell do I write her back? Do i need to get a job for 6 weeks so I don't go insane? Any thoughts would be much appreciated...thanks!
Not_That_Innocent Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 Seems to me like she has a problem opening up / being real unless she is drunk. This is a red flag and you should heed the warning. I think you should back off from her a bit - let her come to you ... when she's not drunk!!!
JamesM Posted July 10, 2007 Posted July 10, 2007 Okay, after I read your whole story...which I found interesting, I forgot: now WHY did you like this woman? She admitted too having anxiety issues. And I can say from experience...this is No small deal. She hangs around with this gay guy quite a bit when not with you. Can we say Bi? She does strange things when drunk. And as for that, what is with you guys doing all of this drunk dialing stuff? I must be getting old. Personally, I think you both spend too much time up early in the morning, but that is probably because I am old again. This lack of sleep definitely does affect a person's mood and attitude. So, my thinking is that I am not sure that the two of you are right for each other. She doesn't seem ready to settle with a guy. She has fun making out but is not ready to commit. If it was me...and this is me with a few years more experience, I would run and count these "red flags" as an indication of what my relationship with her would continually be like.
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