new chapter?

[BeeJay]

Hi there,

I'm a 19 year old uni student. I've recently transferred from 2nd year Computer science into a double degree in Law and Economics. This came as a suprise to me, I'd always been interested in Law, however never really thought I'd be accepted. Ever since I heard the fantastic news, i've been having increasing problems with my boyfriend.

 

We've been together for three and a half years, so needless to say, i was young and fairly vulenerable when we first started going out. He is 23 this year. The relationship has progressed fairly normally, in as much as, he stays at my house most nights during the uni. year, and we stay at his house during the holidays (we both still live with parents, but they are very understanding). He's excited for me, and is in all honesty the PERFECT boyfriend. I can't accuse him of mistreating me in any way, and he treats me with respect and love. I love him dearly also, however have started to have niggly feelings in the back of my mind.

 

I'm a fairly ambitious person by nature, and can't see myself settling for an 'ordinary' life. I'm driven to feel as though i'm making a difference, and it's very important to me that I feel I've achieved soemthing with my life. My problem is that Chris (my boyfriend) is quite the opposite. I've never seen it before. As a friend said to me the other day, the rose coloured glasses have come off. I look back and realise that had it not been for my persuasive encorougement, he would never be studying Health Information Management. I don't know whether he's happy doing that, he's the kind of person who's completely content to have a mudayne 9-5 job and settle down.

 

My problem is that I'm starting to feel as though I'm not going to be what he wants me to be. He was a family, house with a dog.. the usual. I want someone who wants the same things I do. I'm concerend that we may have reached a crossroads in our relationship where if we stay together, we may both drive each other mad trying to fit square pegs into round holes. But I love him so much that i don't know whether I could live without him.

 

To throw a spanner into the works, I have a friend who I"ve been very close to for over 6 years. He's an IT consultant now, and living the life that I want for me, and for chris. I'm worried that this is sounding shallow and money grabbing. The point I need to stress is that i need to feel as though my job/life makes a difference. This friend has expressed feelings towards me of late. I've been seeing him a lot more, and it's been nice to go out to expensive restaurants, and meet with his friends, because I find that they are like minded people.

 

I love Chris dearly, but am feeling trapped by his lack of ambition. I feel as though I need some space to be my own person, but I can't stand the thought of losing him. I'm fairly confused at the moment.

 

Any opinions or advice would be welcome..

 

 

BJ

[yes]

Yep, sounds like a new chapter to me. there's no way you can stay with someone who wants completely different things out of life. thank god you realize this, btw!!

 

I think you should go for the new guy; and definitely break up with Chris... its going to be tough, but you're doing it for a very good reason, so I think it'll be worth it to go through the pain & heal & move towards the life that you'd like to have.

 

btw, you're 19, right? you might change your mind many times more about what you want out of life, so expect more chapters to come...

 

best of luck,

-yes

[clia]

Are you my twin? I could've written your exact same post with I was 19, right down to the same age difference with bf, same amount of time dating, same ambition/future lifestyle issues.

 

If you are feeling these doubts right now, please listen to them. He is not going to change who he is. Two years from now, he is still going to want the house and the dog, and chances are, you are going to want even more than you want now. If the two of you are no longer meshing, it is in your best interest to break up with him and move on, no matter how much it hurts.

 

That's what I did, when I was 20, and now I'm so glad I did it. It really was one of the best decisions I ever made. He was holding me back! Since then, I've done so many things I wanted to do, things that he never would have been on board with.

 

You owe it to yourself to find someone who is in sync with what you want out of life, and God knows you have plenty of time to find that man!

 

Good luck!

[ThisGirlNameKD]

I have a thought:just like you're having a life changing moment, what if Chris suddenly has a life changing moment. He still young, just as you say about yourself. He can change. I'm not saying that he will, but he could. How would you feel if after leaving Chris, you two meet sometimes down the road and find out that Chris has become the ambitious person that you always wanted him to be? And it happened shortly after you two broke up? And the guy you left Chris for dumped you? Would you try to go back with Chris?

 

Now I'm not asking all of this to say that leaving Chris is a bad thing. Because it very well could be that you two have come to the end of the road. But what you need to ask yourself is why is ambition so important to you? You like this new guy who is ambitious, but what if he turns out to be someone who doesn't treat you well? You say that Chris does. So does the fact that he's comfortable with a 9-5 job makes him a bad person? Sometimes we always think the grass is greener on the other side when we have something good around us all along.

 

What you need to do is sit down and have a talk with Chris and let him know how you've been feeling. Atleast give him that much before you decide to end things.