uniqueone Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 Hi LS...I've posted my story already: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t123595/ In my situation, I went to visit the guy (a long distance). He and I had met once before a few months ago and had been talking for six months now. A few months ago, things got a little bad between us. At one point, I told him that something he did showed a lack of respect to me. Anyway, we cleared things up and everything went very well after that and he treated me great. Then recently, I went to visit him which was a few thousand miles away (our second meeting) and I found him e-mailing other women while with me. We weren't exclusive but he had time to e-mail them most of the days I was there--which I'm sure he did. It was just that two days that I was there, he and I took a side trip somewhere else and he brought his laptop along. It was during that time--those few days--that I found him e-mailing others while in a hotel room with me--and it upset me. I told him that it showed me a lack of respect. His response to me was that I'd told him once before that he showed me a lack of respect so I knew already what he was like. In other words, he was telling me that I should have expected it from him. My question is, did I cause him to treat me this way? If I'd been less tolerant, would he have treated me better? I guess I'm wondering if he's treating these other women of his better than me. Maybe that's stupid to be thinking but I am.
jcster Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 His response to me was that I'd told him once before that he showed me a lack of respect so I knew already what he was like. In other words, he was telling me that I should have expected it from him.That's true. I've found that guys will tell you exactly what to expect from them within a very short time of talking to them. I call it the "full disclosure." Most women don't listen to this, or listen to it and think that we will be the ones to change them. Usually with this result. My question is, did I cause him to treat me this way? If I'd been less tolerant, would he have treated me better? I guess I'm wondering if he's treating these other women of his better than me. Maybe that's stupid to be thinking but I am.No. This is how he treats women. If you'd been less tolerant, he wouldn't have gone out with you. Don't fall into the trap of thinking it was your fault, that if you'd only done something different, he would have treated you better. That's what he wants you to think! He wants you to take responsibility for his actions and give him another chance. In fact, he's betting on the fact that you will. If you don't, he has all those other women to burn through before he needs to meet new ones. So, unless you want to date a guy that treats you disrespectfully and expects you to swallow it, I'd move on.
Author uniqueone Posted July 8, 2007 Author Posted July 8, 2007 Well funny thing is, HE is playing the mad one in this. I have wanted to discuss what happened but he won't respond. It's been bothering me. I'm sure he's enjoying that though--getting an ego boost out of it at least. I've been very nice about it all but getting ignored. (but wouldn't be surprised if he came back later). I feel like telling him off now.
jcster Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 He's playing mad because that's how he weeds out the docile from the fierce. He wants docile. If you call him all week trying to "explain" and "apologize" for making him angry - you'll make it to the next cut. If you tell him off, then you failed round one of "search for the needy woman with no self-esteem" contest, and he moves on to the next poor soul. Get out now.
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