matt22 Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 i was with my girlfriend for a year and a half. i love her more than anything and she just broke up with me about a week ago, i have been devistated. We were absolutely amazing together, but had our problems. I take all the blame b/c i treated her unfairly and wrong. ( I was way over protective, got mad when she talked to guys, etc. i would get mad and just get sort of mean about little things that just dont matter at all. she put up with alot of stupid little things like that all the time. we suffocated eachother, spending every free moment we could together, loosing touch with alot of friends and stuff but couldnt get enough of eachother, it was great, but stressful. It all started very rarely about 6-9 months in i would guess, and pretty much just grew until we were arguing or unhappy 50% of the time, but we stayed strong and got through the little stuff. doesnt help that her parents hated me half the time either, just because they are very protective also ( she is the most beautiful girl i have ever seen, smart, outgoing, etc, etc.) We have been on the verge of breaking up before because of me, and i have been going to counceling. she knows i have been trying hard to change, but i just kept falling into the same habbits. just took this to learn i guess and im afraid its too late. enough history---- so she had to go to Governers Scholar Program, a 5 week summer program at a university, thats about half way over right now. it was going to be hard because i was only allowed to see her 1 day (today actually which isnt happening) and only can talk if she is in her dorm. it would be a hard long 5 weeks. It all happened a week into the trip. she was meeting new friends, beginning to have a good time, but when we talked, i would ofcourse get annoyed at little things. she felt TRAPPED and wanted out, so i said ok. she really seemed relieved to be out, and is having a great time with all her new friends (co-ed). she says she doesnt want to ever get back together and says she will be my friend, we have been best friends for 1 1/2 years. but i havnt heard from her in 3 days, and as of now im sure shes still thinking im very devistated. we were planning on going to college together but now she wants to go to a different one because of her friends. IM sorry this is so long, i feel like i havnt said 1/2 of it. im just hurting alot and need someone to talk to, advice, if you think ill ever have another chance, or anything. THANK YOU for taking all the time to read all this.
Author matt22 Posted July 7, 2007 Author Posted July 7, 2007 by the way, were young, im 19 and shes 17. she has 1 year of hs and im going to wku in the fall. and i heard she is happily planning on attending univ. of kentucky next year as of now. :,,(
frd150 Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 Hey Matt, I know what you are feeling right now and know that it will get easier. Your post was very familiar to me. In short we are in our mid 20's and are both involved in busy careers. We lived together and we were both discussing marrige. Here's where it got tricky. We both became very comfortable....too comfortable in the relationship. Like you we spent every free hour together and we both lost touch with most of our friends. Like youI think she is most beautiful,smart and caring person in the world. I'll spare you the rest. Read back if you are so inclined. Please remember that you are both very young and you both are about to embark on what should be the best time of your life. Believe me College kicked A**. Don't take this the wrong way but she might of done you a favor. I'm still sure she has feelings for you but she is probably thinking that she does not want to be tied down going into college. You said it, you know the smothering part. This can really harm the relationship especially when you are so young. Man,to be 19 again:laugh:. You have a world of opportunity to look forward to. Keep that thought. Now, if your hope is reconciliation what you need to do is give her space. What i mean is that in your current situation do not bring up the relationship if she calls. When she returns make sure you are at your best. Use this time wisely. Go about your buisness because i'm sure she is (sorry). Re-connect with your friends and have some fun. I did and it really helped.
Author matt22 Posted July 8, 2007 Author Posted July 8, 2007 thanks alot man, best advice iv heard so far. im trying to hanging out with friends and i know it will slowly but surely get easier. im trying to look at the positives of being single at this time, and i know college will be a ton of fun, i cant wait. and if u ride or race dirtbikes keep it up. i ride trials nationally and harescrambles. fun stuff. just staying busy helps b/c it keeps my mind off of it for the most part, wakeboarding, scuba, mx, anything. Thanks again man i really appreciate it! -Matt
Author matt22 Posted July 8, 2007 Author Posted July 8, 2007 really all i can hope for is to be really really good friends with her, and ill have to build that up slowly if she lets me. i just hope she does. im pretty sure i wont ever get another chance with her because of how i pushed her away like an idiot. all i can do is try to be the best friend she could have and maby over time, years later or whatever we will have matured and alot will have changed and happened by then. maby she will see that we were meant fro eachother. its all so scary, thinking about other guys, her future boyfriends that are going to look like gods compared to me so she will just fall in love, other hook ups or flirting around, its all just scary scary stuff
frd150 Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 thanks alot man, best advice iv heard so far. im trying to hanging out with friends and i know it will slowly but surely get easier. im trying to look at the positives of being single at this time, and i know college will be a ton of fun, i cant wait. and if u ride or race dirtbikes keep it up. i ride trials nationally and harescrambles. fun stuff. just staying busy helps b/c it keeps my mind off of it for the most part, wakeboarding, scuba, mx, anything. Thanks again man i really appreciate it! -Matt Hey Matt, Yeah, keep it positive and it is a good thing you found love shack early on. I never put much stock in internet advice until now. My new group of friends have been very helpful. I work in the action sports industry but never really took advantage of it until now. Don't get me wrong i still love my ex very much and still would give my left arm for her, despite EVERYTHING. Actually rode in the desert today, hott. So ,yup, Got behind the boat and rode my board for a bit. It definitly keep my mind off of things. I have been riding a liitle track here and there but mostly desert.
frd150 Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 really all i can hope for is to be really really good friends with her, and ill have to build that up slowly if she lets me. i just hope she does. im pretty sure i wont ever get another chance with her because of how i pushed her away like an idiot. all i can do is try to be the best friend she could have and maby over time, years later or whatever we will have matured and alot will have changed and happened by then. maby she will see that we were meant fro eachother. its all so scary, thinking about other guys, her future boyfriends that are going to look like gods compared to me so she will just fall in love, other hook ups or flirting around, its all just scary scary stuff As long as you love her the way you do it will be real hard to be good friends with her. Like you said start slow and do not force her into friendship. Its normal to act like an "idiot" right after a break up. Man i was a big idiot:sick:. Looking back and thinking about the look on her face when i was begging just makes me want to kick my own a**. I never did that before with any other girl. My way of thinking was always "it is what it is". Not with her not the one i wanted to marry. I took it to a whole new level. You may later decide that she was not for you but at the same time you may also think about how fortunate you were to have met her. When your a Geezer like me you look back on that stuff and smile. Yeah i understand the other guy fears. There is nothing you can do about what she does now so. I know the kind of guys my ex dated before and i was different in almost every way (for the better). Her best friend set us up knowing that we were both looking for the same things. Sometimes people change,even well into their twenties. I lived alot more than she did and i think it boils down to sh just needs to live a little. Who are we to tie them down. The angel on the left shoulder wants her to be happy even though she is not with me and the devil on the right hopes she ends up with the biggest douche bag in the world. The busier i get the more she wonders. The more she calls me. Stay busy man and what ever happens happens. This will go away soon, Your 19 geez use that to your advantage. FRD
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