asdfghjkl123 Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 so my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me, but i still really want to be with him, and i made that very clear. he said he needs space and time to "be free", and that he's sure eventually we would end back up together. i gave him a few days of space, and then asked if we could talk. i asked him if he had given any thought to getting back together with me, and he said he was thinking about it, but he still needed more time. he told me that if we we're going to get back together that we needed to take it really, really slow. he said first we just need to start talking a little, then slowly start being friends again, and slowly, very slowly get back into the relationship. im just worried because he's leaving for college in 2 months, and i feel like if we take it really slow that we won't have time to build back up to a relationship before he leaves. anyone been in a situation like this before?
alasia Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 I haven't been in your exact situation, but I think mine was kind of similar. My bf broke up with me back in January after 5 months, we'd been living together and he asked for a 'break', saying he needed time and space etc. I did the same as you - gave him a few days space, then went back to see him and ask if he'd thought things through. He too said he needed more time and that it had "only" been a few days - so I left it 3 more days and that night I ended up staying over at his place, we shared the bed, were 'intimate' and he said he still loved me. What followed was months of him asking for more time or space, me not giving it to him and the long and short of it is we never did get back together. I'm convinced that if we'd have had the break he was asking for and I hadn't kept going back to him every few days asking if he'd thought things over, we would have got back together eventually. He's said that too. I kind of had a time limit in my head too; he wasn't leaving like your bf/ex is, but I found out I was pregnant a few days after we split up. I thought that if I left it too long he'd get used to being without me, realised he enjoyed being single again and wouldn't want to take me back when I now came with the added responsibilities of a baby (even though we had sort of planned it). I was also thinking that once it hits the 5-month mark, we'll have been seperated for too long to try again. So my one bit of advice to you, is don't blow it like I did by trying to rush things. He'll feel pressured and will either end up getting back together out of guilt or when he's not ready for it, or you'll push him away, possibly for good. Don't be obsessed with timing; you could get back together after he's left for college and do a long distance thing maybe, or when he finishes college - sounds corny but there's that saying "love will find a way", and I believe it's true - if it's meant to be, it will be so for now, give him the space he needs
norajane Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 he told me that if we we're going to get back together that we needed to take it really, really slow. he said first we just need to start talking a little, then slowly start being friends again, and slowly, very slowly get back into the relationship. im just worried because he's leaving for college in 2 months, and i feel like if we take it really slow that we won't have time to build back up to a relationship before he leaves. anyone been in a situation like this before? If he wants to take it that slow, you have much bigger issues between you than just a time issue. He wants to slowly start being friends again? That means he wants to get so far away that you aren't actually friends. What caused this? Have you talked to him about why he needs to completely get away from you and your relationship? What led up to this? I suggest you do as he says - completely back off with no contact. But I wouldn't wait around for him. Live your life and go out with other people. He's going to be in college and I suspect that he doesn't want to be dating you when he does... I'm sorry this sounds harsh, but I think he's 'lost that lovin' feeling' but just doesn't know how to tell you that straight up. I'm saying this because I did that with one of my exes - I moved out and told him we needed to try being friends first and then slowly start dating...but at that point, I had fallen out of love with him and was hoping some time and distance would bring it back. But it didn't.
Krytellan Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 im just worried because he's leaving for college in 2 months, and i feel like if we take it really slow that we won't have time to build back up to a relationship before he leaves. anyone been in a situation like this before? How can you even ask these questions? He's leaving for college. He WANTS to meet someone else. If by some freak chance he doesn't, you will still be there for him. How is this even close to acceptable for you? Step back and look at the situation... maybe then you'll see it for what it is.
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