Chinook Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 Today, 7th July (as it is now in the UK) is the second anniversary of losing my only son (during pregnancy). Some days I hardly think about him. But days like today are really hard. I grieved at the time... and it hurt me very badly. But also, I wonder how long it takes for the pain of the loss of a child to subside completely. I didn't even know what he looked like, I'd never held him in my arms. Only carried him for as long as I could before he had to leave. But all the same, the loss and desolation where his future was.. is as acute now as it was in 2005. How long does it take to hurt less..?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 AWW Chinook, I'm thinking of you today. I had 2 stillborns fullterm, both boys, and had had one daughter before. Adam would have been 18 this month and Phillip 17 in October. My daughter just turned 19. I still think of them often and birthdays are still very sad to me. I remember sitting with my daughter to get her drivers liscense at 16 on my son's birthday, thinking he would have been taking his permit test that day. I burst into tears as soon as I could make it to the car! I does get much easier, I will admit that last year a birthday snuck up on me and it was that evening when my sister called to tell me she was thinking of me that I realized I had forgotten. I should have felt guilty but actually I was a little releived that time heals pain. Its been a long time for me. My daughter and I had a few silly rituals that we followed for some years following. Do you have other children?
Author Chinook Posted July 7, 2007 Author Posted July 7, 2007 No, I don't have any other children. Ben was the first. And he was the child who solved the mysterious will-I-have-post-chemo-infertility-problems or not. I treasure that gift above anything else.
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 Chinook, stay strong. I know a couple of women who lost their baby during their pregnancy term - it is definitely a setback. Some are able to get over it earlier, some take their time. IWWH gave some good advice. Although I can't say how quickly you will get over this pain, I can say from observation that having children is the best antidote. Perhaps you already do have children - I don't know... In a way, it is better than actually having the child be born, and then lose him / her. That's much more devastating. I'm not saying that it's better sooner rather than later - but you know what I mean. It does take a couple of years - you will be fine. Best wishes and a bunny .
This_Too_Shall_Pass Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 No, I don't have any other children. Ben was the first. And he was the child who solved the mysterious will-I-have-post-chemo-infertility-problems or not. I treasure that gift above anything else. Oh...sorry to hear that.. Don't lose hope, at least this proved that you're ok, post-chemo. Good luck.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 Chinook, I don't do pregancy well. One of my still borns was a complete abruption and I was in icu for a week. After going through it twice in 15 months I was never going to chance it again. It did bother me that I couldn't give my daughter a sibling but I couldn't imagine going through it again. YEARS later I found out that I was pregnant quite by accident! Scariest 9 months of my life. Now I have a 10yr old Dennis the Mennace whose lot in life is to make his sisters life H*LL!
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