Yamaha Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Is it a lot to ask, while looking Mr. Right, to be treated like a queen? Treated like I"m the best thing that's ever happened to you? Told I'm beautiful and I'm the only one, on a regular basis? Flowers when I've had a bad day, or for my birthday? Treated as though I'm fragile? Or am I looking for something that's not even out there? I am more than ready to treat someone exactly the same, as if they are the best thing in my world...but will I ever get it in return? It's written all over my face, how independent and career-oriented I am, outspoken, etc, it seems that guys are less likely to put me on a pedestal because of this, as though I seem happy enough already, this bothers me cuz even though I seem happy, I could always be happier...I only get stuck with guys who want to take without giving back what so ever. Do they not think I deserve more? What you say exists but as we get older and life changes us, by experience, we lose that romantic, story book fantasy. There is nothing wrong in wanting to be treated as you treat others. If you are not getting this then you are not demanding it from those you care about. You are to easy to please them and put your own needs on the back burner. You need to have a balance in pleasing the person you love and getting your needs meet as well.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Oops, you never said poems. Dunno where I got that from. Scratch that.
Topper Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Okay, after your second post, that sounds reasonable and more than possible and likely. It sounds like you just need to get out more and meet more people but your schedule doesn't really allow for that. That and you've been preoccupied, crushing on your roommate. Try not to think so hard about it and wish for so much. When it's meant to happen, it will. And if you ever sense you're giving more than you're getting, simply stop giving. Or even better, don't start giving until he's proven he's worthy. Why should he have to prove he is worthy? A great guy just might think you know I have tried and tried. Now she is no longer worth the effort. To me that is like going to an auction. you see something you really like so you bid $100.00 bid goes to $150 you hang in there bid is $200.00 you bid $250.00 it goes to $300.00 at that point it is no longer worth it to you you let it pass. If she plays that game she is going to find her true worth in the eyes of a lot of men. To be honest a lot of guys are now saying screw it the price in our own emotional health is to high.
Yamaha Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Oh and I agree with who ever said, guys tend to be this way in the beginning in order to get you...then they don't want to work to keep you. So annoying. Someone also asked at what point in a relationship do I expect this...uh well for as long as he's dating me...and beyond if it goes that far...making each other happy should always be a priority even after marriage... Many guys keep their feelings tucked away because so many women love you this week and hate you the next. To be emotionally invested requires trust and lots of people are unwilling to put themselves out there, vulnerable. You have to take a chance and it gets much harder to commit after having your heart stomped on.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Lovelace's complaint seemed to be that she's giving and giving and not getting. If you don't give anything, you never feel shorted. You can't make a guy give; all you can do is stop giving. I am a bit old-fashioned; I do expect the guy to woo the girl. In Lovelace's case, this is not happening. She's saying they're not even meeting her halfway (which would be both bidding on each other). I'm saying she shouldn't be so giving then, just as a way to protect herself. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone or that there aren't nice guys out there. It doesn't sound like she's gotten lots of "bids," more just guys jerking her around because she is too nice. Maybe it sounds like thinly veiled prostitution, but guys are applying for the position of bf and they get to boink the girl regularly if they are chosen. Generally speaking, guys want to get laid more and more often than girls, so I see the onus being on them. Most girls have multiple suitors, or at least random guys hitting on them, for this reason.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Why should he have to prove he is worthy? A great guy just might think you know I have tried and tried. Now she is no longer worth the effort. To me that is like going to an auction. you see something you really like so you bid $100.00 bid goes to $150 you hang in there bid is $200.00 you bid $250.00 it goes to $300.00 at that point it is no longer worth it to you you let it pass. If she plays that game she is going to find her true worth in the eyes of a lot of men. To be honest a lot of guys are now saying screw it the price in our own emotional health is to high. It sounds like you are talking about your own situation more than lovelace's. She would be happy if anyone would bid $100, I'm sure, whatever that means in your analogy, but that's not happening. Guys she meets take and give her nothing whatsoever. Are they worthy? In my opinion, no. I'm not telling her to play games, just that they demonstrate they are willing to make her happy before she reciprocates.
Topper Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 you are right but I'm not talking about sex. If is sex then as they say a guy has to work for it a woman has to just show up. But there comes a point when the price is even to high for sex. If it is a realationship you want, then it is something else. A great many woman put the price so high that once the guy meets that price she see him in a diffrent light she might raise the price or just test him to see how much of a door mat he has become. Once he is a door mat he is toast. She also without telling him changes the nature of the curracy she will except. In the end, She has no respect for him anymore. He is out the door. You can't tell me that you have not seen woman work this game just to see how far they can push some poor guy. that happens a few times and the guy gets gun shy. Why should he be jumping thru all the hops and she sits there laughting at his tricks. A really good looking guy with some game gets a lot of woman. They compete for him. Funny these are the very guys that woman seem to say they resent. Yet look around woman compete for them.
Author LoveLace Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 What you say exists but as we get older and life changes us, by experience, we lose that romantic, story book fantasy. There is nothing wrong in wanting to be treated as you treat others. If you are not getting this then you are not demanding it from those you care about. You are to easy to please them and put your own needs on the back burner. You need to have a balance in pleasing the person you love and getting your needs meet as well. Your all right, I can be too nice, and tend to give too much, and I actually don't expect much in return right away..but I start to think later...how come he's never done this or that for me? But it isn't as though I shower them with gifts...I just show that I care about their well-being, health, etc., and I don't mind picking up the tab sometimes, but if those things are being too nice, then I guess I should stop it all. I would think things I do would prove that I deserve the best in return...perhaps the men just don't see it that way.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I don't get the sense that LoveLace is one of these women. Granted, she may be attracting guys who have been with these women and are gunshy, hence not doing the things she hopes for. But to suggest she is a game player, I think that's off base. I'm simply asking her to think about what she wants/expects (within reason) from a guy and wait to see what he's willing to do (or even try to do--effort counts, even if it's not wholly successful) before giving everything she's got. Maybe I put the cart before the horse, but I think you start off having sex before moving onto a relationship. I don't think many guys out there are willing to have a sexless relationship first, esp at LL's age.
Author LoveLace Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 I"m 30...what does that have to do with it exactly? I have gotten way better at recognizing simple effort from guys...I am better at seeing if they are in fact trying to please me...and I'll reward with a kiss or what have you...not that kissing should only be done as a reward...just saying I let them know I appreciate them...but then my expectations still end up being apparently too much for them...when in my eyes, I don't feel that I do too much, nor ask for too much. Ah well I will take your words of wisdom with me over the weekend!!
Woggle Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 How many women are truly worthy and deserving of that kind of treatment? My answer is not many and when a man does do this he gets treated like a nice guy and dumped for a man that treats a woman like crap. There is simply very little reward for a man to treat a woman like this.
Pyro Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Is it a lot to ask, while looking Mr. Right, to be treated like a queen? Treated like I"m the best thing that's ever happened to you? Told I'm beautiful and I'm the only one, on a regular basis? Flowers when I've had a bad day, or for my birthday? Treated as though I'm fragile? Or am I looking for something that's not even out there? I am more than ready to treat someone exactly the same, as if they are the best thing in my world...but will I ever get it in return? It's written all over my face, how independent and career-oriented I am, outspoken, etc, it seems that guys are less likely to put me on a pedastol because of this, as though I seem happy enough already, this bothers me cuz even though I seem happy, I could always be happier...I only get stuck with guys who want to take without giving back what so ever. Do they not think I deserve more? Thats not alot to ask for. There are guys (not too many unfortunately) that would do just that, but you have to make sure to give the same amount of love and respect back to them, otherwise they may stop doing just that. The hardest part is remaining patient for the right one to come along.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I"m 30...what does that have to do with it exactly? I have gotten way better at recognizing simple effort from guys...I am better at seeing if they are in fact trying to please me...and I'll reward with a kiss or what have you...not that kissing should only be done as a reward...just saying I let them know I appreciate them...but then my expectations still end up being apparently too much for them...when in my eyes, I don't feel that I do too much, nor ask for too much. Ah well I will take your words of wisdom with me over the weekend!! I just meant that say, in high school, guys are more patient about sex, but in an adult relationship, there is some expectation of sex, and fairly early on. Not to suggest you are old or anything; please don't take it that way. Sorry if I gave you that impression. Topper was making a distinction between sex and relationships. I was saying A turns into B. Hopefully. Not always.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 How many women are truly worthy and deserving of that kind of treatment? My answer is not many and when a man does do this he gets treated like a nice guy and dumped for a man that treats a woman like crap. There is simply very little reward for a man to treat a woman like this. I don't think I'm worth it personally, so I don't expect it. I wouldn't act this way toward them and if they did it to me, I'd be slightly uncomfortable, especially if it were early in the game. I don't think that many people are very romantic these days, men or women.
jcster Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 How many women are truly worthy and deserving of that kind of treatment? My answer is not many and when a man does do this he gets treated like a nice guy and dumped for a man that treats a woman like crap. There is simply very little reward for a man to treat a woman like this. Wow, you should write for Hallmark. It's so beautiful it made me weep. Glad to see the He-Man Woman Hater's Club has sent its representative.
Pyro Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Wow, you should write for Hallmark. It's so beautiful it made me weep. Glad to see the He-Man Woman Hater's Club has sent its representative. :lmao: Al Bundy at his finest.
Woggle Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Wow, you should write for Hallmark. It's so beautiful it made me weep. Glad to see the He-Man Woman Hater's Club has sent its representative. The truth isn't pretty.
Author LoveLace Posted July 7, 2007 Author Posted July 7, 2007 How many women are truly worthy and deserving of that kind of treatment? My answer is not many and when a man does do this he gets treated like a nice guy and dumped for a man that treats a woman like crap. There is simply very little reward for a man to treat a woman like this. There is little reward for a man who doesn't make the effort to give her what she wants, asks for, or deserves (within reason of course) I understand someone feeling that way if their experience with it was bad...obviously these were not the right women then, just as people tell me about men.. I thought I've made it clear that I'm more than happy to be rewarding on the same level...some women thrive on being treated like crap...not me...I hate it.
Woggle Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 There is little reward for a man who doesn't make the effort to give her what she wants, asks for, or deserves (within reason of course) I understand someone feeling that way if their experience with it was bad...obviously these were not the right women then, just as people tell me about men.. I thought I've made it clear that I'm more than happy to be rewarding on the same level...some women thrive on being treated like crap...not me...I hate it. If you are willing to give back what these men offer to you then you should find a good man eventually. Quality women attract quality men but they might have to wait a little longer because too many men are busy chasing no good women.
jeezybc Posted July 18, 2007 Posted July 18, 2007 Is it a lot to ask, while looking Mr. Right, to be treated like a queen? Treated like I"m the best thing that's ever happened to you? Told I'm beautiful and I'm the only one, on a regular basis? Flowers when I've had a bad day, or for my birthday? Treated as though I'm fragile? Oh these men exist! They are out there and are a wonderful to be around, but somehow they are never "the one" you feel you are truly connected to. There's always something about them that doesn't agree with you or simply does not stir the butterflies inside that love does - no "za-za-zoo". But I still believe, you can get it all and the "za-za-zoo". Everyone couple will fight, no relationship is perfect, no person is perfect, but there is a perfect someone for you. "No man is worth your tears and the one who is won't make you cry."
Star Gazer Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 "No man is worth your tears and the one who is won't make you cry." ?? Isn't the phrase, "The only man worth your tears is the one who will never make you cry"?
alphamale Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 Isn't the phrase, "The only man worth your tears is the one who will never make you cry"? in reality its the man who makes her cry the most who is of value
raidsniffer Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 In reality, girls cry over the most mysterious things ever...or maybe just the girls I've dealt with. I'm no expert in the whole dating realm, since I am still young and lack the experience or maybe I've just dated the wrong girls, but girls make good guys bad. I don't really see a point in being a good guy and/or a nice guy anymore in today's society, it's all about looking after yourself.
jcster Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 in reality its the man who makes her cry the most who is of value That's utter bull.
shadowplay Posted July 19, 2007 Posted July 19, 2007 I had a guy who treated me like what you long for, but I didn't have strong feelings for him and eventually broke things off. Sadly I think I respected him a bit less because of it. We're still best friends and he still tells me how much he loves me routinely. He's a great guy, but I just don't have sexual feelings for him. I think the main problem is that he's an openbook. He's too easy to read and wears his heart on his sleeve. I'm attracted to guys who are somewhat reserved/aloof on the surface but vulnerable underneath. You have to 'crack' them like good books. Once they let them in it's amazing, but they don't let you in all the time so when they do it's more of a treasure. The whole notion that women are attracted to ass******s is mostly false. It's ok if a guy is a bit cold on the surface, but he has to have a good heart. Somebody who's cold to the core is a total, total turnoff. Much more of a turnoff than an innocuous nice guy. I think that's what all women long for...A bad (or emotionally reserved) boy that they can unearth the good soul in. Because when such a guy reveals his vulnerability to a girl, it makes her feel very special. The problem is some women see good in men who have none. Often it's hard to pick out the "secret nice guys" from the thorough douchebags.
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