LoveLace Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Is it a lot to ask, while looking Mr. Right, to be treated like a queen? Treated like I"m the best thing that's ever happened to you? Told I'm beautiful and I'm the only one, on a regular basis? Flowers when I've had a bad day, or for my birthday? Treated as though I'm fragile? Or am I looking for something that's not even out there? I am more than ready to treat someone exactly the same, as if they are the best thing in my world...but will I ever get it in return? It's written all over my face, how independent and career-oriented I am, outspoken, etc, it seems that guys are less likely to put me on a pedastol because of this, as though I seem happy enough already, this bothers me cuz even though I seem happy, I could always be happier...I only get stuck with guys who want to take without giving back what so ever. Do they not think I deserve more?
Hestia Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 maybe you're dating the wrong guys? not all men are romantic. besides men try harder when they need to. if you show them you are independent, outspoken etc they probably think you wont be all that impressed with flowers or poems.
annabelle75 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Is it a lot to ask, while looking Mr. Right, to be treated like a queen? Treated like I"m the best thing that's ever happened to you? Told I'm beautiful and I'm the only one, on a regular basis? Flowers when I've had a bad day, or for my birthday? Treated as though I'm fragile? Or am I looking for something that's not even out there? I am more than ready to treat someone exactly the same, as if they are the best thing in my world...but will I ever get it in return? It's written all over my face, how independent and career-oriented I am, outspoken, etc, it seems that guys are less likely to put me on a pedastol because of this, as though I seem happy enough already, this bothers me cuz even though I seem happy, I could always be happier...I only get stuck with guys who want to take without giving back what so ever. Do they not think I deserve more? I hear what you are saying. I am also a very responsible independent woman with a solid career and I always seem to end up with guys that just want to take and never give back. Its like they think they don't have to put any effort into the relationshipor making me happy becasue my life is already good. It's very frustrating. What's even more frustrating is when you are constantly dealing with men like that but at the same time seeing women whose lives are a complete mess and are all about the drama, who have men that bend over backwards always trying to make them happy. Its one of lifes cruel little jokes.
tanbark813 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 It's tricky because a lot of girls don't like being put on pedastals. I've heard girls say they don't like it because it puts too much pressure on them to live up to that idealized image of them. After guys get a bit of experience under their belt they learn not be too nice. Personally, I go for what I like to call, "the lovable *********". But it's not necessarily "wrong" to want to be treated like a queen provided you treat your man as good as you want to be treated.
PeterJames Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 You should be treated that way. That's the way I treat mine. She deserves it. And so do you. It's definitely hard to find a certain type of guy. You just have to make the judgment from the beginning if the guy is that type. I hope you find him.
annabelle75 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 It's tricky because a lot of girls don't like being put on pedastals. I've heard girls say they don't like it because it puts too much pressure on them to live up to that idealized image of them. After guys get a bit of experience under their belt they learn not be too nice. Personally, I go for what I like to call, "the lovable *********". But it's not necessarily "wrong" to want to be treated like a queen provided you treat your man as good as you want to be treated. Oh come on .... you try to be an *******, but you are just too damn lovable.
Krytellan Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Is it a lot to ask, while looking Mr. Right, to be treated like a queen? Treated like I"m the best thing that's ever happened to you? Told I'm beautiful and I'm the only one, on a regular basis? Flowers when I've had a bad day, or for my birthday? Treated as though I'm fragile? Well, fear not, we're out there. The problem is we are out there in low frequency. There used to be more of us, but the way women treat us early in our lives tends to make us want to change, and some do. It is the same for women though. It's tough to find that good blend of woman that can both appreciate it and reciprocate it. I have looked back through my relationships lately and I found that there was only one woman in my life who was ever really deserving (for lack of a better term) of the way I treated her. That's not a high success rate.
tanbark813 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Oh come on .... you try to be an *******, but you are just too damn lovable. Why thank you.
Chinook Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 You should be treated that way. That's the way I treat mine. She deserves it. And so do you. It's definitely hard to find a certain type of guy. You just have to make the judgment from the beginning if the guy is that type. I hope you find him. Have you got a book or a DVD which can help with spotting this...? Cuz my exOH was really a wonderful guy to start with...was only as time went on the take-take-take aspect appeared.
Chinook Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I have looked back through my relationships lately and I found that there was only one woman in my life who was ever really deserving (for lack of a better term) of the way I treated her. That's not a high success rate. Yep. Only one guy in my life was deserving too. (sigh)
StayClose Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 You may think you want to be on a pedistal, but you don't. Woman quickly lose romatic/sexual attraction for guys who do this. Just read any of the "nice guy" threads here. What you deserve is someone who treats you with respect - but not reverence. To get guys who respect you and keep them, you have to treat them with respect also.
jcster Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 In my experience, strong women often attract weak men, and weak women often attract strong men. After the attraction wears off, it doesn't work for any of them - but until they learn that law of attraction - they will repeat the cycle forever. It's not wrong to want that special treatment - but you also need to be open to it. Try not to be "too" strong - accept help and compliments and you might attract the sort of guy that gives them out.
Aloros Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 They're out there, and I think it has little to do with being independent and career-oriented. My guy treats me so well. No flowers or poems, but I made it clear I don't like those (I find flowers pretty but pointless and poems...um...I don't have a very high opinion of them). He tells me how beautiful he thinks I am every day, never hesitates to help out, he's always been there for me when I'm feeling down, and I get books and dvds as opposed to flowers. Don't change the way you are. My bf told me that the things that attracted him to me were that I was ambitious, intelligent, and accomplished. You don't need to be a wilting flower to be treated like a queen.
PeterJames Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Have you got a book or a DVD which can help with spotting this...? Cuz my exOH was really a wonderful guy to start with...was only as time went on the take-take-take aspect appeared. Haha I've thought about writing a book on it, but it'd be REALLY long, and have several revisions. It's tough for a lot of guys, because they are often times not sure what the girl truly wants. And there are a few women here and there who want to be treated that way all the time. But you have to be just as cute in return. Some guys get into a relationship where they treat her like a queen, but that isn't what she wanted, and so the next relationship he's scared to try those same things. Guys get confused easily.
Star Gazer Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 You may think you want to be on a pedistal, but you don't. Woman quickly lose romatic/sexual attraction for guys who do this. Just read any of the "nice guy" threads here. What you deserve is someone who treats you with respect - but not reverence. To get guys who respect you and keep them, you have to treat them with respect also. LoveLace - what you're looking for DOES exist, but I think the way you phrased your post seemed a little extreme. I agree with SC. I don't think most women want to be put on a pedastal - it literally means you're put in a position where you're looking down on a man who's beneath you....you end up irritated by the guy who puts you up on high because you're able to walk all over him, you lose respect for him. Also, you said you want to be treated as "fragile"...really?? To me that would mean that they treat me like I'm so delicate I might break, meaning that I am a weak woman. I'd hate to be treated that way. Instead, I think your focus should be on finding a man who really knows how to treat you with respect. Will do things for you because he wants to, without ever expecting anything in return. He'll want to make you feel good just to make you feel good. Guys like this do exist. Be yourself - a strong, confident, ambitious woman. The right guy will eventually come along.
annabelle75 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Be yourself - a strong, confident, ambitious woman. The right guy will eventually come along. :sits back, crosses arms and waits patiently: :still waiting: Hello?
Author LoveLace Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 I didnt used to be the type to want tip-top treatment. It did used to turn me off. But now that I'm older, wiser, and more confident, more aware of my value as a person, I feel that I deserve to be put on a pedastol. I don't want to be worshiped on a daily basis or anything to that extreme...now that's a turn-off. My post might appear more extreme than what I'm really saying here. I just want to be told I'm beautiful and for someone to put my comfort and happiness high on their list. I don't need these things to think I'm beautiful, I already know I am, but I want to be loved like anyone else. And I never said I want a guy to do it because he feels he HAS to..I don't know want a guy to do anything just because he feels obligated. There are few who do these things just because they WANT to which is why I question weather or not I WILL FIND ONE. When I say fragile, I mean don't treat me as though I have no feelings. Guys treat me that way all the time, while I sit there and do nothing but give them love.
Author LoveLace Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 :sits back, crosses arms and waits patiently: :still waiting: Hello? I hear ya annabelle -- I've been that woman for years and still nothing but losers!
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I think in today's cynical age, few people like the kind of romance you've described. There was an episode of Sex and the City where he composed a classical piano song for her and read her a poem and she went "ick" and laughed about it to her friends. Given that it's not in most men's nature to be this unabashedly romantic, especially guys your age, when they are uncertain of how it will be received, it seems a bit unreasonable to expect. And are you expecting all this in the early stages of courtship? Or when? Early on would be a bit...odd. I honestly would laugh if any of my gfs told me they had a guy like this. It sounds a bit trite to me, but maybe I'm just an unromantic b*tch. I agree with SG, you may think you want to be put on a pedestal, but you really don't. It's easy to think you want certain things when you don't have them, but if it were a reality, I guarantee, you would lose respect for him. What sort of reciprocal gestures would you do for him? Just curious. I assume he doesn't want poems and flowers in return.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Okay, after your second post, that sounds reasonable and more than possible and likely. It sounds like you just need to get out more and meet more people but your schedule doesn't really allow for that. That and you've been preoccupied, crushing on your roommate. Try not to think so hard about it and wish for so much. When it's meant to happen, it will. And if you ever sense you're giving more than you're getting, simply stop giving. Or even better, don't start giving until he's proven he's worthy.
PeterJames Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I agree with stargazer. He should do things because he wants to. He'll appreciate things in return, but doesn't require them. I hope you find him. Isn't it frustrating? There's such a shortage of mr. rights. (or miss. rights, in my case).
Author LoveLace Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 A guy with a piano and a poem, yea that would make me puke, I'm afraid! It just sucks that so few will even meet me half way to that...
Author LoveLace Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 Oh and I agree with who ever said, guys tend to be this way in the beginning in order to get you...then they don't want to work to keep you. So annoying. Someone also asked at what point in a relationship do I expect this...uh well for as long as he's dating me...and beyond if it goes that far...making each other happy should always be a priority even after marriage...
PeterJames Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Oh and I agree with who ever said, guys tend to be this way in the beginning in order to get you...then they don't want to work to keep you. So annoying. Someone also asked at what point in a relationship do I expect this...uh well for as long as he's dating me...and beyond if it goes that far...making each other happy should always be a priority even after marriage... Guys that do so in the beginning... That's a bit of deception right there. But you're right, making you happy should always be a priority for him, along with knowing what things DO make you happy.
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 That was me who asked. I guess I was saying, to expect such a strong outpouring of feelings and gestures at the beginning is kind of a lot and possibly even creepy on his part. And sadly to say, once you're an established thing, such things are not so likely. Guys can say this and that if you train them well, but getting them to DO things of their own accord is an uphill battle. Men are often lazy! I guess you have to figure out what matters most to you, what are your must-haves and what things you can do without. Me, I can do without flowers and poems and being told I'm the only one (I think it's a given, as I trust him implicitly), but there are definitely things I need to hear. No man is perfect and no relationship is either.
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