truly816 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I have been dating a guy for about two months. We met at a mutual friend's party, hit it off immediately, and decided after a week to become a serious couple. Normally, I want to be friends first, get to know the person and then become a couple, but there was something different about him that made me really confident in the decision. It all happened in a whirlwind, but truth be told, we seem to be a great matching of personalities and interests - better than I ever thought I could match someone else. One of the things that I really appreciate about him is his openness and willingness to discuss anything. Early on, he told me about struggling with ADHD as a child, and how he still deals with adult ADD. But as time has passed, he has also referred to his "mental health issues" from the past. I never wanted to push him to elaborate on what this meant, as I figured he would tell me when he was ready. I recently found out that he has dealt with (and continues to deal with) depression, and went through a period of time where he was suicidal. He is now on medication, which he says has helped significantly. While this is kind of what I assumed he meant when he'd talk about mental health issues, it still came as a shock that this was part of his past and something that he still deals with daily. Depression and suicide have always scared me, just because my family has had a history of both. Having never battled depression myself, I can't really relate to the darkness he has felt and I don't really know what I can do to help him - or if I can even help him. I have already felt some internal pressure to make him happy, as he's talked about feeling numb for most of his last relationship. I'm still trying to figure out what I should listen to and what I shouldn't when he is moody. For the most part, however, he is happy with life right now - I can tell. But I won't deny that the prospect of his depression returning doesn't scare the hell out of me. I'm just looking for any advice from other people who have been in a relationship with someone battling depression.
Lizzie60 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 but I was the person with the depression... for over 6 years... I met my last ex while I was battling a very tough depression... We were together 5 years... I was in a deep depression all those years.... it took me a while to actually know it was depression... I was then put on medication... counselling...the whole nine yards. I snapped out of it about a year after I left him.... what happened I really don't know... but there is hope...I am now completely 'cured'... I still take Prozac from time to time cause I like the energy it gives me... but I have no more of those suicidal thoughts. The only thing that helps is time... and medication, IMO... you can support him but do not become 'his support'. Don't let him drown you in his depression. He's the only one who can get out of it... you got to be very careful.... this is very complicated... I never, to this day, could understand what happened to me... I don't know what kind of advice I can give you... because he's got the problem, not you... just make sure he's not using 'the depression' to suck you into a relationship.
electric_sheep Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 There's depression, and then there's depression. Meaning, it takes many forms , manifests itself differently in different people, and can be severe or mild. Like much in life, it is a spectrum. Psychologists have a handful of imperfect labels they attempt to apply to a plethora of mental illnesses that come in many gradations and variations. Some have organic causes, others cultural. Some are probably related, others that are considered related now are probably unrelated. Some probably exist on a spectrum, others may be more like a light switch, either you have it or you don't. Generally no actual physical tests are done by psychiatrists during diagnosis. This doesn't make the problems any less real. I just mention all this to highlight how very difficult it is to predict what may be in store for you. The only thing you know for sure is that he has a history of struggling with something, a struggle that was difficult enough to warrent him seeking help. Meds have been shown to be very successful however, in certain circumstances.
underpants Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 You know, all I can really say is to be careful. I am sure alot of people (myself included) have battled some form of depression at some time in their lives. However, I was involved with a man that used his self diagnosed ADD and depression as a crutch, to do whatever he wanted or to excuse his hurtful behavior (even past hurtful behaviors towards others). He was awesome great in the beginning too. Looking back I remember thinking we could just be great friends as our personalites seemed to mesh so well. Now looking back I wonder if he just wasn't feeding off my good energy and mirroring some of my attributes? I got sucked in and thought he was at least honest with me. He wasn't really, and he was not respectful and ultimately I was left feeling very hurt and used and tossed aside for a new high. I was ultimately part of his pattern. Just be careful, you don't really know this guy after only 2 months. Relationship beginnings are often a time of euphoria so that might mask some bigger issues. You make choices also, so just make sure you make smart ones for you. Regards, Unders
oppath Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 You have nothing to worry about. People with depression are perfectly capable of obtaining and sustaining long term relationships. Just make sure if there are issues, he is willing to work on them, and don't allow yourself to be a crutch for support. Support him through doing fun things together.
halfarock Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 My girlfriend suffers from some type of depression. Really it’s a chemical imbalance in her brain and she takes medication for it. When I first met her, she made mention of her “mental illness” from time to time, said it was why she never had kids; didn’t want to pass it on. Most of the time, you’d never guess she had a problem, just ever so often something sets her off and it can take days or weeks before she gets it under control. Her friends and her sister tell me that I have a positive effect on her in this regard, that our relationship tends to put her in a mood that counteracts her depressive tendencies. Perhaps it’s just my natural happiness. All I know is that when she does get depressed, if I’m not careful I’ll find myself feeling down as if I’m getting sucked into it, so I tend to spend less time with her; which is okay with her because she’d rather I didn’t see her like that. Usually though, as long as she takes her medicine and stays away from alcohol she does just fine as the warm and charming woman that she is.
Curmudgeon Posted July 7, 2007 Posted July 7, 2007 I'm just looking for any advice from other people who have been in a relationship with someone battling depression. My wife warned me, before we married, that she'd been battling periodic, deep depressions since the age of 12. After four years of marriage and observation I concluded that she was bipolar type 2 -- deep depressions, relatively mild hypo-manic stages. I urged a full psychiatric evaluation and the diagnosis was confirmed. It's not easy to live with like I've been doing for the past 11 years but it's doable. Had she not disclosed it in advance of the marriage and had it later come to light I likely would have left her but she was honest and I went into the marriage with my eyes wide open. There's a site specific to those of us who have family members and loved ones who suffer from depression. It also has a message board as well as chatroom. You can find it here: http://www.depressionfallout.com/ Hope this helps!
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