pantheralum93 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Hi everyone. This is my second post regarding my situation. You can find my orignal post - "My girlfriend of 5 months broke up with me. Need some advice". It has now been nearly a month since my girlfriend broke up with me. She first told me she wanted to take a break - "take a step back" as she puts it. "Not telling you to get lost have a nice life". 2 days later bam...it's over. I pretty much have done the NC thing for the entire time. I did send her one text about a week and a half after the break up and I did try to call her as well but didn't leave a message. I still love her and despite the fact that she seemed pretty distant she was receptive when we talked prior to the break up. I feel the need to write her a letter to tell her I'm sorry for my failures in the relationship. My question is should I bother or should I just leave her alone?
hrtbroken99 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I would not write the letter if it makes you feel any better, you can write a letter but DO NOT SEND IT I also felt the EXACT same way as you and wanted to write a letter expressing a bunch of stuff but I figured if someone doesn't want to be with me and decided to LEAVE ME then writing a letter, phone calling , texting or whatever is just going to annoy them and push them away. They may also think that by sending a letter or card or whatever is something I am using to make them feel guilty or sorry or something. If he left me then HE should be the one to contact ME. I should not have to write letters, poems, send texts, make phone calls at all.. I know your hurting, but stick with NC she knows how to get a hold of YOU
9Lives Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 be honest wih yourself. what are you expecting if you write the letter and then can you truly deal with if it does not workout like you would like.
Chinook Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Dear Pantheralum93 First of all, yes write the mail or letter if it helps you. But as has been said, please don't send it to her. I can almost guarantee that she will not reply, if she even reads it. I know you're still in love with her and you want her to know how you feel... but, if she just needed 'a break' and she had made a mistake, she would be back with you by now. As Heartbroken99 says, she knows how to get a hold of you. She knows that you're hurt by the break up - she knows that she inflicted that pain upon you and she has not done anything to take ownership of that so far (dumpers rarely do). But really, she is being kind to you in walking away and not staying in contact. That is the kindest way to get over things. So yes... write the feelings down and maybe post them here. She doesn't need to or deserve to know how you're hurting. It is not her right or her responsibility to take care of you now, she gave that up when she walked away from you - so don't expect it from her. Contacting her will only result in you feeling ignored, upset and in pain because you will not get the response you want or need to salve your angst. C x
Author pantheralum93 Posted July 8, 2007 Author Posted July 8, 2007 Thanks, Chinook and Heartbroken. It has now been one month since the split and yesterday marked what would have been six months together. I'm struggling with not contacting her. To be honest I still don't really understand what I did that made her decide to break off the relationship after not two weeks earlier seeming very happy. She claims that our personalities were too different and that it just wasn't going to work, but to be honest I didn't feel that way. We may have had some misunderstandings but not anything that couldn't have been fixed. My question is do I call her to ask her why she feels that way? It's just killing me that she doesnt' see things as being something that can be fixed. I feel I need to know so that I can move on or atleast let her know I care one last time. Please advise.
Krytellan Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 Thanks, Chinook and Heartbroken. It has now been one month since the split and yesterday marked what would have been six months together. I'm struggling with not contacting her. To be honest I still don't really understand what I did that made her decide to break off the relationship after not two weeks earlier seeming very happy. She claims that our personalities were too different and that it just wasn't going to work, but to be honest I didn't feel that way. We may have had some misunderstandings but not anything that couldn't have been fixed. My question is do I call her to ask her why she feels that way? It's just killing me that she doesnt' see things as being something that can be fixed. I feel I need to know so that I can move on or atleast let her know I care one last time. Please advise. Alright Pan, lets do this together. I was out walking the dog after I got home tonight and found myself reflecting on the conversation that my gf of 7 months and I had when we split. We split two weeks ago tomorrow morning. There were things in that conversation that still rub me the wrong way and that I don't believe. She said our personalities were too different (many examples related to the relationship I had with her over-involved parents) and that I just wanted more than she could give me. This is true. I had the urge tonight to ask her what the hell she wants out of life if me stopping by her house for an hour nap on random weekdays (while she was gone and because it was close to where I work) because I work 2 jobs and 18 hours a day makes our lives "too integrated". WTF is that? To me it's a no-brainer to let a gf take a nap at my house after working 14 hours if that's what she needs. But this is what I got from her... too integrated. OBVIOUSLY not ready to let another person "into" her life. I want desperately to ask the question. But you know what? The answer is unimportant. If it's not a bull**** stringing of irrelevant facts, it's still a statement that means that she does not want to be with you. Point made. No contact will change that. She doesn't care if you care, just as my gf doesn't care if I care. You caring does not make them care more (that's a lot of cares in 2 sentences). If you have the option to care with dignity or care with begging, which would you choose? I'll tell you what. I will promise to not contact my ex if you promise not to contact yours. We are both better for it and in the end will be much happier with ourselves.
ahah2322 Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 if she's made it clear that she wanted a break up, please do not send her an email or make any contact with her. doing that will only prolong and intensify your pain. i know it hurts and that it isn't easy but give it time, it will heal. It's just killing me that she doesnt' see things as being something that can be fixed. I feel I need to know so that I can move on or atleast let her know I care one last time. you don't others to move on. if she wants to fix it, she will. i wish you all the best and be strong. take care of yourself.
funkybassplayer Posted July 8, 2007 Posted July 8, 2007 She doesn't care if you care, just as my gf doesn't care if I care. You caring does not make them care more (that's a lot of cares in 2 sentences). If you have the option to care with dignity or care with begging, which would you choose? Quote Very true she doesnt, and has already moved on. the best thing you can do i walk away with your head held high. if she wants contact she knows where you are. ,looking for answers will not happen from them, it comes from yourself and no contact, trust me it will. Self respect man.........thats the most important thing.
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