StartingOver07 Posted July 5, 2007 Posted July 5, 2007 I've posted here before about a guy who I was seeing who was giving me mixed messages. Anyway, at the end of May, we had a conversation that seemed to settle all that only it didn't really. This is going to be longer than I'd like but please bear with me. 2 weeks ago is the last time we saw each other. He was about to start a 2+ week stay at his boss's house while his boss is away on vacation. He comes back to his own house (about 2 miles from mine) every night and then goes to the boss's house to sleep later. The reason we did not see each other for the first 8 days of the 2 weeks is because of what I'd label his inertia -- he claimed he had to hurry from his house to his boss's house in order to take the dogs out and was disinterested when I suggested that he take care of the dogs first so that we could have time together. We finally had plans to see each other this past Saturday, when his youngest son, who'd recently been released from rehab, relapsed. So he cancelled, as he was dealing with the fallout from that. Today he called and wanted to know whether I can help him with some driving he has to do this Saturday. It involves driving one of the boss's cars to the airport while he drives the boss's family van. The boss and wife will then take the car and go to their plans while he and I will take the van and the boss's kids back to the boss's house. Here's the thing. When he first cancelled on me last Saturday because of the problems with his son, I told him I understood and to call me if he needed anything. What he's called me for has nothing to do with helping him really, and he, more to the point, he has not expressed any interest in actually seeing me -- I get the sense I could be driven home as soon as my driving duties are complete. Anyway, I have finally gotten myself to a place with this guy where I am ok with not seeing him. I had it pretty bad for him at one point but during the 8 days when he made no effort to see me (before the crisis with his son), I slowly woke up to the fact that I don't want to be head over heels for someone who can so obviously take me or leave me (mostly leave me, it seems). So I sort of don't want to do this favor as I am afraid it is going to put me back where I was emotionally. At the same time, I feel guilty for having told him I'd help and then reneging. Even though my offer of help was in the context of his son, not his boss. So what is the right thing to do?
Hitman10000 Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 Why are you worried about something that's not even there? There's no actual relationship between the two of you, no real sexual interaction. Get your own life.
Author StartingOver07 Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 Anyone else? People keep looking but no one's chiming in. Pretty please?
PeterJames Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I'll throw in my two cents. By your post it sounds like you don't want to do it. You couldn't say no that easily though, since he's asking you for a favor. He could've taken you up on the suggestion about the dogs, but he chose not to. You said you had it pretty bad for him, and I assume you'd rather not feel that way. You know you can stand to be without him. I bet another guy is waiting to sweep you off your feet. I would say make plans that day, just because I don't want you taking risking your emotions again. Hope I helped somewhat. PeterJames
doiask42much Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 I guess I'm not clear on the history of your relationship and your level of involvement. I would say you don't owe him anything and seeing him would undo your progress in getting to the point where you are ok with not seeing him. It doesn't sound like he's done a whole lot for you, so don't go out of your way for him. Say no! And don't feel bad about it.
Author StartingOver07 Posted July 6, 2007 Author Posted July 6, 2007 I guess I'm not clear on the history of your relationship and your level of involvement. That makes two of us. We have seen each since February and we are exclusive. In spite of this, we seem to be stuck in some strange "5th date land" where there is still a lot of formality/uncertainty in the relationship. At one time, I was very drawn to him and really thought the relationship could go somewhere. He has disabused me of that notion over time by making it clear that I am not much of a priority. The stay at his boss's house is a prime example, imo. The boss's house is 5 mintes from his work, so what would be the big deal to go there, walk the dogs, then see me? I feel that someone more into me would want to do this once or twice rather than go 2+ weeks without seeing me at all. I've also made it clear that I am willing to dirve to the town where the boss's house is (all of 8 miles or so) and that we could go out there. He hasn't wanted to do that, either. The problem I am having with tomorrow is that he has not said anything to indicate that this would be a date nor that we will be having a date anytime soon. And I am torn between not wanting to re-ignite my feelings for him by seeing him and honoring my promise to help him (although this promise was in the context of his son). PeterJames is right that I don't want to do this (because I want to protect my heart), but I also don't like not honoring my promises. I'm also not sure I want to break up, which I guess is the bottom line issue, since I suspect that not doing this favor will be the end.
PeterJames Posted July 6, 2007 Posted July 6, 2007 You know yourself better than I do, do you think those emotions would come back if you did this for him? I suppose it all depends on what he does. It sounds like he'd make it seem as un-datelike as possible, which would just make you more upset. You said you promised you would? I'd say do it, if only for that reason, but MAKE SURE that you don't let those emotions back. Be closed. Don't let him get to you. I would end it after that, just because there really isn't anything there, and he doesn't seem willing to ignite anything. Be careful.
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